Funny Questions to Ask Your Future Son-in-Law
Funny questions to ask your future son-in-law over dinner, on a walk or in the kitchen at a family gathering, written so that he gets to be the funny one. They run from his first meeting with your family and a send-up of the classic parental interview to how the two of them met, his own family's odd rules, the customs of your house and the wedding itself. Each has a note on why it works, what to ask next or when to leave it alone. Where a question says 'your partner', say your child's name.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
How nervous were you the first time you met us, and could we tell?
Why ask it
Start here, because the honest answer is some version of 'very' and saying it out loud gets it over with. Tell him what you did notice, the two-handed grip on a glass or the fourth thank-you, then admit that you had tidied rooms he was never going to see.
What were you warned about before you met us, and was any of it true?
Why ask it
Your own child briefed him in the car, and this asks him to leak the briefing. Expect to learn which of you was described as 'a lot', and take it well, because you did ask.
So, what exactly are your intentions?
Why ask it
The oldest line a parent has, and it is only funny if he can see you grinning before you finish it. Said deadpan by someone he met an hour ago it is a real question, so save it for the second or third visit.
What are you going to call us: first names, Mom and Dad, or nothing at all for the next ten years?
Why ask it
A son-in-law can go years avoiding any form of address because nobody told him which one was wanted. Laugh at the third option, then give him the answer.
Which of us did you work hardest to win over?
Why ask it
He will name someone at the table, and that person gets to act surprised. If the honest answer is the dog, a grandmother or a younger sibling, the account of how he went about it is the good part.
What's the worst first impression you've ever made on anyone?
Why ask it
Deliberately not about you, so he can tell a story without calculating who is listening. If he tells one about meeting you, he is more relaxed than he looks.
What did you think the first time you saw where your partner grew up?
Why ask it
What a visitor notices first is often something you stopped seeing years ago: the height marks on a door frame, the hallway of school photos, how far the house is from anything. A polite non-answer means he does not trust the room yet, and that is fair enough.
Mock Interview
Why do you want the job of son-in-law, and when can you start?
Why ask it
The straight version, why you should give your blessing, is the question he has been dreading, and this is that question with the answer already in it. Nobody asks a candidate they mean to turn down for a start date. Reply in kind with the benefits package, which is leftovers and unsolicited advice.
How do you plan to keep your partner in the snacks they are accustomed to?
Why ask it
A send-up of the old line about the lifestyle a daughter is used to, with the money taken out of it. He passes by naming the snack, which he will manage without having to think.
Can you change a tire, or do you at least know who to call?
Why ask it
The second half is the kind part, since it makes a phone number a complete answer. Follow it with your own worst roadside story so the test runs both ways.
What can you be trusted to grill without supervision?
Why ask it
Whoever runs the barbecue in your family should ask this one, tongs in hand if possible. An offer to help next time is the real answer, so take him up on it.
If we called your best friend for a reference, what would we hear that you'd rather we didn't?
Why ask it
He chooses the confession, so it comes out as a story about being late for everything or unable to park, and it stays harmless. Remember the friend's name, because you will meet that friend at the wedding and can check.
Where do you see yourself in five years, and is it at this table every Sunday?
Why ask it
Borrowed from job interviews, with a tail end that turns it into a standing invitation to Sunday dinner. Do not let it slide into a real question about careers or where they will live. That conversation belongs to another day.
Which team do you support, and are you ready to hear why that's wrong?
Why ask it
A rivalry gives him something to argue about with you that neither side can lose. If he follows no sport at all, ask what he does feel that strongly about and tease him for that instead.
What's your plan for a zombie apocalypse, and are we in it?
Why ask it
The old interview wanted to know whether he could provide and protect, and this is the version nobody can fail. Notice who he puts in charge of supplies and who he quietly leaves behind, then argue your case for a better post.
What special skills are you bringing to this family that we don't already have?
Why ask it
Help him out by listing the vacancies: nobody in your family can reach the top shelf, fix the printer, parallel park or stay calm with a map. He will find he qualifies for at least one. Whatever he claims, he will be asked to do it on his next visit.
The Two of You
How did the two of you meet, and which part usually gets left out?
Why ask it
You have heard your child's version, which was edited for parents. His tends to include who was late, who was nervous and who said the wrong thing first.
Who made the first move, and is that the official version?
Why ask it
Ask it with your child in earshot, since the objection from across the room is the point. Plenty of couples never settle this, and the argument over what counts as a move, whether a message, a borrowed jacket or a look, is better than either answer.
How long did you wait before you told your friends about them?
Why ask it
The number is the joke: either he told them the same night, or there was a suspiciously long delay with a reason attached. Ask what the friends said, because their first verdict on your child is one you have never heard.
What's the most ridiculous thing you did early on to seem more impressive than you were?
Why ask it
A pretended interest is the classic confession: a band, hiking, a cuisine he could not actually eat. Ask how long he kept it up and who found him out, then tell him what you once pretended to like for your own in-laws.
What's the first meal you cooked for your partner, and did it survive?
Why ask it
The only casualty in a kitchen story is dinner, so he can make it as bad as it really was. Ask what the two of them ate instead, and whether he has been allowed near the stove since.
What's the worst gift you've given your partner so far?
Why ask it
The good answers involve a size, a scent or an appliance. If your child leaps in to defend the gift, he has been forgiven. If they go and fetch it to show the room, he has not.
What was the plan for the proposal, and which part of it went wrong?
Why ask it
Let him tell it his way, even if you have already had your child's account. The hitch, whether it was the rain, the ring left in the car or the stranger who wandered into the photo, is the part a family retells for decades. If he was the one proposed to, ask what he saw going wrong from his side.
Which of you is the better driver, and does the other one know?
Why ask it
Ask it with both of them in the room or it is no fun. If you taught one of the two drivers in question, be prepared to hear your own instruction reviewed.
What do the two of you argue about that is too small to admit to?
Why ask it
Dishwasher loading, the best route to the supermarket and the right number of cushions are the scale you are after. If something larger starts to surface, change the subject for him.
Which show have you been caught watching ahead without them?
Why ask it
A small betrayal that he can plead guilty to at no cost. If he says never, look at your child's face for the real answer.
Have you met your partner hungry yet, and what did you learn?
Why ask it
You have had years of this and he has had months, so compare notes. Swap in tired, lost or before coffee if that is the version you raised, and keep it fond, because the person being described is probably sitting right there.
Which of your partner's habits are you holding us responsible for?
Why ask it
It lets him tease your child by blaming you, which is a safer target than it sounds. Own up to whichever one is yours, whether that is the lateness, the hoarded leftovers or the running commentary during movies.
His Family
What's a rule in your family that we're going to find strange?
Why ask it
Most households have one, and nobody inside notices it until someone marries in. Shoes, seating, who carves and when presents get opened are where the answers cluster.
What did you get into the most trouble for as a kid?
Why ask it
Childhood crimes are long past punishing, so he can make himself the villain in comfort. Trade one of your own child's in return, as long as it is one they already tell about themselves.
What does your family still have on display that you wish they'd take down?
Why ask it
A school photo with a regrettable haircut, a trophy for coming third, a clay object from art class: he will know at once which one. It also shows you what his family is proud of. If home is a hard subject for him he will keep it short, and so should you.
What story is your family going to tell about you at the wedding whether you like it or not?
Why ask it
Hearing it from him first means you can laugh in the right places when a relative of his gets hold of the microphone. Should he go quiet about his family here, leave it and move on.
What does your family do at the holidays that ours is going to have to start doing?
Why ask it
Asked this way, the old contest over whose holiday wins becomes a swap. One borrowed dish or game is a cheap way to make your house partly his.
Who in your family will we get along with best, and who's going to be trouble?
Why ask it
Worth knowing before two families have to share a seating plan. He will be careful about the second half, so accept whatever he offers and do not push for names.
What nickname have you been given that you can't shake?
Why ask it
Risky in the best way, because whatever he admits to will be adopted by your family within the hour. He knows that, so the answer he offers is the one he can live with.
Our House
What are you unreasonably competitive about, so we know before game night?
Why ask it
You do need to know whether it is cards, trivia or who was right about the directions. If he denies being competitive about anything, ask your child, and enjoy what happens next.
What food are you going to have to pretend to like in this house?
Why ask it
There is a fair chance somebody has already served him something he quietly ate around, and this lets him say so before it turns up as his birthday dinner. Whoever cooks it should be the one to ask, and should laugh first.
Which of our family traditions has confused you the most so far?
Why ask it
Most families have a ritual they cannot explain, and a newcomer is the only person who still notices it. Try explaining yours to him and you may discover that none of you knows where it came from.
What is the correct temperature for a house, and will you defend it?
Why ask it
The thermostat is a mock war most households already have sides in. Recruit him to yours on the spot and let the opposition object.
How many times can you hear the same joke and still laugh?
Why ask it
A fair warning dressed as a question, best asked by whoever in the family repeats themselves most. He will give a number, and somebody will keep count.
What job are you claiming at family gatherings: carving, the dishes, or keeping the oldest relative company?
Why ask it
A guest gets waited on and a family member gets a job, so being offered one is the compliment. Hold him to whatever he picks at the next gathering.
Are you ready for the family group chat, and how fast do you reply?
Why ask it
Warn him honestly about the volume, the photos of meals and the relative who answers everything with a thumbs up. Then add him, since the invitation is what he will remember.
What's your karaoke song, and how worried should we be?
Why ask it
Ask for the song and the reason, and stop there: making him sing at the table turns a confession into an audition. If someone in your family has already claimed the same song, the two of them can settle it at the reception.
Have you been shown the baby photos yet, or shall we get them out?
Why ask it
This is the parental privilege your child has been bracing for since the engagement. Agree with them beforehand which album is off limits, then let him choose the age he wants to see. The awkward teenage years are the popular request.
What do you want us to stop apologizing for?
Why ask it
Hosts apologize on a loop for the noise, the dog, the state of the kitchen or the size of the portions, and the guest has to reassure them every time. Letting him call one of those off gives him a small piece of authority in your house.
Wedding and After
What are you dreading about the wedding day itself?
Why ask it
Everyone has asked what he is excited about, so this may be his first chance to say the other thing. If it is the speech, the first dance or a day of small talk with strangers, admit which part you are dreading yourself.
Which wedding decision have you been allowed to make entirely on your own?
Why ask it
The joke is that the list is short, and he usually knows it down to the item. If he is in fact planning most of it, he gets to correct the assumption, which is a better story.
What part of the planning have you pretended to have an opinion about?
Why ask it
Napkin colors, chair covers and fonts are where a groom tends to nod along. Stay clear of the budget and of who is paying, which stop being funny immediately.
What's your signature dance move, and has it been cleared for the reception?
Why ask it
Ask for a description and resist asking for a demonstration unless he volunteers one. You also find out whether the first dance is something he is looking forward to or simply enduring.
What are you planning to say about us in your speech?
Why ask it
Whether the groom speaks at all depends on the country and on the couple, so find out before you ask. If he is giving one, this is his chance to flatter you outrageously to your face. Do not ask to see a draft.
Who is going to cry first on the day?
Why ask it
He will probably point at one of you, and he will probably be right. A groom who nominates himself is usually telling the truth, so have a tissue ready and say nothing about it at the reception.
What's something you'd like to know about us that you've been too polite to ask?
Why ask it
Turns twenty minutes of questions into a conversation. If he uses it, answer properly, because he has just told you he wants to be part of the family rather than a guest.
What do you think you'll be teased about at family gatherings in ten years?
Why ask it
A closer that takes it for granted he will still be at the table. Whatever he picks tends to become the running joke, which is not a bad thing to hand him on purpose.
Talking to someone marrying into the family
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start asking
Remember which way the pressure runs
He is being assessed and he knows it, whatever your tone. That is why the questions here point at his expectations, his own family and his own mistakes rather than at his intentions.
Say the name
The questions say 'your partner' and 'them' so that they fit any family. Out loud, use your child's name, and swap 'Mom and Dad', the grill or game night for whatever your own house actually says and does.
Not in front of the whole table on day one
A round of questions at a full holiday table is a performance, not a conversation. Do this while doing the dishes, in the car, or on a walk with two or three people at most.
Answer them yourself first
Tell your own worst-first-impression story before you ask for his. It costs you nothing and it changes what he is willing to say.
Pick by the moment, not from the top
The groups follow how well you know him. Openers suit the first few visits, The Two of You needs your child in the room to object, His Family and Our House fit any ordinary meal, and Wedding and After waits until there is a date. Five or six in an evening is plenty.
Play the Mock Interview as a parody
Those questions borrow the shape of the old parental grilling and take the stakes out. They work while everyone can see you are doing a bit, and they stop working the moment a real question about money or prospects follows one.
What to leave out
- Money: earnings, debt, who is paying for the wedding, whether he can support anyone. None of it belongs in a light conversation.
- Children and timelines. You do not know what they have already discussed or been through.
- Politics and religion as a joke. It is not a joke to whoever answers wrong.
- Anything comparing him to a previous partner, even favorably.
- Questions with a test buried in them. He will spot it, and the evening will not recover.
What to do with the answers
- Do not repeat a story he told quietly to the whole family later that day. Ask first.
- If he admits to a nickname or a bad habit, teasing him about it once is affectionate and four times is not.
- Follow up weeks later on the specific thing he mentioned. That is what makes him feel remembered rather than interviewed.
- If a question lands badly, let it go entirely rather than explaining what you meant by it.