Questions to Ask a Catholic Priest
These are good questions to ask a Catholic priest whether you are interviewing one for a school or Confirmation project, are new to the parish, are coming back after years away, or need a baptism, a wedding or a funeral arranged. The 59 questions run in six groups: openers that suit any conversation, what Catholics believe, prayer and doubt, parish life, the sacraments, and the priesthood itself.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
What drew you to the priesthood, and how did you know?
Why ask it
He has been asked this more than anything else, so there is a two-minute version ready. 'How did you know' is the part that gets you past it. The honest answer is usually undramatic, one person's example or a realisation that took years, and worth hearing if you have grown up on sudden-conversion stories.
What does an ordinary weekday look like for you?
Why ask it
Useful practically as well as personally: you learn when he is likely to be free, and how many parishes and schools he is covering. It also explains why the answer to your later question may be an appointment rather than a conversation now.
What part of being a priest do you love most?
Why ask it
An easy one to answer honestly, and the answer is often smaller than you expect: a baptism, a hospital visit that went well, the empty church before the early Mass. Ask for the most recent time it happened and you get a story in place of a summary.
What do you wish people understood about being a priest?
Why ask it
You might hear that Sunday is the smallest part of his week, or that he would rather be asked a blunt question than be talked around. For a class interview this tends to be the line worth quoting, so take it down word for word and read it back to him.
What would you say to someone my age who isn't sure what they believe?
Why ask it
Works at fifteen or at fifty, because he has to answer the person in front of him. Notice whether he begins with something to do or something to read. Either way you leave with a next step, and you are free not to take it.
How long did it take you to become a priest, and what was seminary like?
Why ask it
Formation runs for years, and the length depends on the country, the diocese or order, and what he had studied beforehand. Seminary itself is where the stories are: the house rules, the placement in a parish or a hospital, the friends who left partway through.
Why do the colours of your vestments change through the year?
Why ask it
A good one for a school project, because the answer is a tour of the Church's calendar: green for ordinary weeks, purple in Advent and Lent, white for Christmas, Easter and most feasts, red for Pentecost, Good Friday and the martyrs. If he offers to show you the sacristy, say yes, and look for the rose set worn on only two Sundays a year, if the parish owns one.
Teaching
Which Catholic teaching do people most often have the wrong idea about?
Why ask it
Letting him pick the subject usually gets a more careful answer than naming a contested one yourself. You also find out which questions people in this parish are really bringing to him.
Why do Catholics confess to a priest instead of going straight to God?
Why ask it
One of the questions non-Catholics ask most often, so he will have a considered answer, usually starting from the Gospel passage where the risen Christ gives the apostles authority to forgive sins. Listen for the human reason as well: what changes when you have to say a thing out loud to another person.
What do Catholics believe is happening at Communion?
Why ask it
Catholics hold that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ, not a symbol of them, and the way people behave at Mass follows from that. How he would explain it to a ten-year-old tends to be the clearest version, so ask for that one.
Why do Catholics pray to Mary and the saints?
Why ask it
The short answer is that Catholics ask the saints to pray for them, much as you might ask a friend, and keep worship for God alone. If the distinction still sounds thin, say so. A priest who has had this conversation before will have a second way of putting it.
What does it actually mean to say the Pope is infallible?
Why ask it
Much narrower than the word suggests: it covers rare, formal definitions of doctrine on faith and morals, not a pope's opinions, interviews or personal conduct. Ask for an example of something a pope has said that Catholics are free to disagree with.
Why does the Church rely on tradition as well as the Bible?
Why ask it
This sits underneath most disagreements between Catholics and Protestants, so settling it makes a dozen other answers easier to follow. A good follow-up is who decided which books belong in the Bible, and why the Catholic Old Testament is longer than the Protestant one.
What is purgatory, and why do Catholics pray for the dead?
Why ask it
Expect something quieter than the medieval pictures: a purification after death for people who die in God's friendship but are not yet ready for heaven. It matters practically if you have lost someone, because it is the reason Masses and prayers are offered in a person's name.
Does the Church teach that people who aren't Catholic can go to heaven?
Why ask it
Often asked by someone with a Protestant parent or a friend of no religion, and the answer is less narrow than the rumour. The Church holds that salvation comes through Christ, and also that God can save people who, through no fault of their own, never came to know him or the Church. Where any one person has gone he will not say, because the teaching leaves that judgement to God.
What is the difference between a mortal sin and a venial sin?
Why ask it
Three conditions make a sin mortal in Catholic teaching: the matter is grave, you knew it was, and you chose it freely. That is why a priest will rarely rule on a particular act without hearing the circumstances. If what you really want to know is whether you need confession before receiving Communion, put that question to him directly.
What does the Church actually ask of a practising Catholic, week to week?
Why ask it
There is a short traditional list: Sunday Mass, confession at least once a year, Communion in the Easter season, the days of fasting, and supporting the parish. Which feast days carry an obligation differs from country to country, so ask which ones count in this diocese.
Why do Catholics give something up for Lent and go without meat on Fridays?
Why ask it
Lent is the season of preparation before Easter, and fasting, prayer and giving to the poor are its three traditional practices. The Friday rule is the part that varies: bishops in some countries ask for no meat every Friday of the year and others only in Lent. Giving up chocolate is custom, not law, and he may suggest taking something on instead.
If God is good, why does he allow so much suffering?
Why ask it
There is a long tradition of answers, and an honest priest will admit that none of them closes the question. A reply drawn from a hospital ward or a graveside usually carries more than one drawn from a textbook. If you are asking because of something happening to you now, say so, and the conversation will be a different one.
Why does the Church ordain only men?
Why ask it
He is bound by the teaching, which is that the Church does not consider itself to have the authority to change this, so do not expect a private opinion. What you can fairly judge is whether he can state the objection in a form its holders would recognise before he answers it.
Prayer and doubt
I'd like to pray more but have about ten minutes a day. Where would you start?
Why ask it
Naming the minutes gets you a practice instead of encouragement: the day's Gospel reading, one decade of the Rosary, or a short look back over the day before bed. Take one, and tell him in a month whether you kept it up, since that report is what lets him adjust the advice.
What do you do when prayer feels like nothing at all?
Why ask it
This is well-travelled ground in Catholic spiritual writing, and a priest is unlikely to be alarmed by the question. What you learn is whether he treats dryness as a problem to fix or a normal stretch of the road.
Could you show me how to pray the Rosary?
Why ask it
Easier shown than described, and plenty of priests would sooner take five minutes with a set of beads than hand you a printed guide. Ask what you are meant to be thinking about while you say it, since the repetition is the frame and not the point.
If I wanted to start reading the Bible, where should I begin?
Why ask it
Starting at Genesis and reading straight through is how a lot of attempts end somewhere in Leviticus. He will probably point you to one of the Gospels. Find out which translation the parish reads from at Mass, so that what you read at home matches what you hear on Sunday.
How can I tell what God is asking me to do?
Why ask it
A sensible priest will not answer for you. What he can do is ask what you have already tried, who else you have spoken to and which option leaves you more settled after a week or two, and those questions are the method.
I've confessed something and still feel guilty. What do I do with that?
Why ask it
Absolution does not depend on how you feel afterwards, and it can help to hear a priest say so plainly. If the same worry sends you back again and again, tell him that too: confessors know the pattern well and have specific advice for it.
What do you say to someone who is angry at God after a death?
Why ask it
Whether you are asking for yourself or for someone else, the useful part is his tone rather than his theology. Anyone who reaches immediately for an explanation of suffering will be harder to talk to when you are the one grieving.
Where does someone start if it's the Church they've stopped trusting, not God?
Why ask it
People stay away because of the abuse scandals, or because of how they or someone they love was treated, and a priest hears both. An answer that starts with an apology or a question is worth staying for. If it starts by defending the institution, you are free to take the conversation elsewhere.
Do you offer spiritual direction, or can you point me to someone who does?
Why ask it
Regular one-to-one guidance in prayer is a different thing from a chat after Mass, and a busy parish priest may not have room for it. Dioceses, religious houses and retreat centres often keep a list of trained directors, lay people among them, so a no from him is not the end of the search.
Parish
I'm new here. What's the simplest way to start coming to Mass without feeling lost?
Why ask it
Priests hear this less often than they should and tend to answer with specifics: which Mass is quietest, where to sit, what a newcomer does at Communion. Not knowing those things is a common reason a first visit turns out to be the only one.
I'm not Catholic. What should I do when everyone goes up for Communion?
Why ask it
Communion is ordinarily for Catholics, and nobody will think twice if you stay in your seat. Some parishes invite visitors forward for a blessing and some do not, which is why it is worth asking this priest about this church.
How would someone go about becoming Catholic, and how long does it usually take?
Why ask it
Most parishes run a course of instruction over months rather than weeks, usually ending with baptism or reception into the Church at Easter, and the start date differs from place to place. Say so if you were already baptised in another church, since that changes the route considerably.
I was baptised Catholic but haven't practised in years. What would coming back involve?
Why ask it
Far less than people fear: for most there is no form or course, only confession and turning up again. Mention anything you suspect complicates it, such as a marriage outside the Church or a Confirmation you never made, and he can tell you what, if anything, needs sorting out.
What goes on here during the week besides Sunday Mass?
Why ask it
A parish that looks sleepy on Sunday may have a food bank, a choir, a youth group and a toddler morning that never reach the notice board. If you are new, ask which one is easiest to walk into alone.
What does the parish need that nobody volunteers for?
Why ask it
Gets past the visible roles to what is actually short: lifts for the housebound, counting the collection, cleaning, someone to sit with the sacristy keys. The answer is usually immediate and specific.
How is the parish paid for, and where does the collection go?
Why ask it
Many parishes publish yearly accounts, and a priest who is comfortable with the question will explain what goes to the diocese, what the building costs and what reaches people in need. You may also learn whether the repair everyone complains about is waiting on money or on permission.
What can parishioners do that actually makes your work easier?
Why ask it
The list tends to be modest: booking baptisms through the office, turning up on time for the wedding rehearsal, keeping the long question for an appointment and not the church porch. Some will admit that what helps most is an invitation to an ordinary family dinner.
If I bring you something serious, how does confidentiality work?
Why ask it
The seal of confession and a conversation in an office are not the same thing in Church law, and how civil law treats each depends on the country or state. Parishes also have safeguarding duties to report certain things. Ask plainly which setting you are in before you begin, and he will tell you.
Would you bless our home, or a rosary I've been given?
Why ask it
A rosary or a medal takes a moment after Mass and a priest will rarely say no. A house blessing means a visit, so offer two or three dates, and put the kettle on.
Sacraments
I haven't been to confession in years. What do I actually do?
Why ask it
The practical worry is almost always about the words and the order, not the content. A priest will normally offer to walk you through it as you go, and knowing that in advance is what makes the first visit possible.
How do we go about having a child baptised, and what is expected of the parents and godparents?
Why ask it
Requirements vary between parishes and dioceses: preparation sessions, registration, and rules about who may stand as a godparent. Start early if a godparent lives elsewhere, because their paperwork can take weeks.
At what age do children here make their First Communion and Confirmation, and how do we enrol?
Why ask it
The ages are set by the diocese and differ widely, with Confirmation falling anywhere from primary school age to the late teens. Preparation may run through the parish or a Catholic school, often with an enrolment date months ahead, so ask a year before you think you need to.
What's involved in getting married in the Church, and how far ahead should we come to you?
Why ask it
Many dioceses expect six months' notice or more, along with a preparation course and documents such as recent baptismal certificates. If one of you is not Catholic, or not baptised, say so at the first meeting, since a permission may be needed and it takes time.
Someone in my family is divorced and remarried. What are their options?
Why ask it
A diocesan tribunal runs a formal process for examining whether a first marriage was valid, and a parish priest is the normal starting point for it. How long it takes and what it costs differ from one diocese to another, so those are worth raising, along with what the person can and cannot do in the meantime.
My relative is seriously ill. Can you visit, and how do I arrange it?
Why ask it
The anointing of the sick is not reserved for the last hours, and families often wait longer than they need to. Find out now how to reach a priest at night, and whether the hospital has its own chaplain, so that you are not hunting for a number in a hurry.
What happens at a Catholic funeral, and what would the family need to decide?
Why ask it
Knowing the shape of it in advance, including the choices about readings, music, burial or cremation, and whether there is a Mass, removes a set of decisions from the worst week. It also helps to know which parts the parish arranges and which fall to the funeral director.
How do I have a Mass offered for someone who has died?
Why ask it
Normally a matter of asking at the parish office, choosing a date and making a small customary offering, the amount of which is set locally. Anniversaries and other popular dates fill early. The name is often read out or printed in the bulletin, so check first if the family would prefer it kept quiet.
Priesthood
How did the people closest to you react when you said you wanted to be a priest?
Why ask it
Not every Catholic family is delighted, and a parent's worry or a friend's bafflement is often part of the story. How he talks about it years later shows whether those relationships came through, and it is the nearest you will get to hearing what the decision cost.
Why don't Catholic priests marry, and how have you found that part of the life?
Why ask it
The first half has a factual answer: celibacy is a discipline of the Western Church, not a doctrine, and there are married Catholic priests in the Eastern Catholic Churches and among some former Anglican clergy. The second half is personal, so ask it once, kindly, and take whatever length of answer he gives.
Are you a diocesan priest or a member of a religious order, and what difference does it make?
Why ask it
A diocesan priest answers to the local bishop and generally spends his life in the parishes of one area. A priest in an order such as the Jesuits or Franciscans takes vows, lives in community and can be sent wherever the order works. Knowing which he is explains a good deal, including who he lives with and whether the car is his.
Who decides where you serve, and how long are you likely to stay here?
Why ask it
The bishop or the order's superior makes the appointment, and whether it runs for a fixed term or is open-ended depends on the diocese. It is a fair thing to know before you book him for a wedding two years off or start a long project together.
What does your own prayer look like on an ordinary day?
Why ask it
Priests are bound to pray the Liturgy of the Hours every day, a set round of psalms and readings, so part of the answer is fixed. The rest is his own, whether that is an hour in the church before anyone arrives or the Rosary in the car between hospital visits. It is also a gentler way of finding out how he keeps going than asking him outright.
How do you put a Sunday homily together, and when do you start?
Why ask it
The Sunday readings are fixed by the Church's calendar, so he does not choose the text, only what to do with it. Whether he starts on Monday or on Saturday night tells you a little about him. Try asking what he cut from last Sunday's, which is often the part he liked best.
What is it like to hear confessions?
Why ask it
He cannot tell you anything he has heard, and you should not fish for it. What he can describe is the experience from his side of the screen, and if you dread going, that account is likely to reassure you more than any explanation of the rite.
What do you do on a day off?
Why ask it
Football, fishing, a long drive to see his mother: the answer makes him a person and gives you something to talk about next time that is not church. You also learn which day to leave him alone unless it is urgent.
Which saint or passage of Scripture do you come back to most?
Why ask it
The choice is a quick portrait. A priest who keeps returning to a saint who nursed the sick and one who returns to a great scholar are telling you different things about themselves. If you want somewhere to start reading, ask why that one and borrow it.
How do you handle your own doubts?
Why ask it
Put as curiosity and not as a test, this usually gets a real answer: a bad year, a death he could not make sense of, a stretch when the prayers were only words. How much he is willing to admit is a fair guide to how much you could bring him later.
If someone thinks they might have a vocation, what's the first step?
Why ask it
The usual route runs through the diocesan vocations director, or a visit to a religious community, and a period of ordinary conversation rather than an application. It is worth hearing what he would advise against doing first, which is often quitting a job or telling everyone.
What is the hardest part of this life, and what keeps you in it?
Why ask it
Ask this last, and only if the conversation has earned it. Loneliness, funerals and administration come up more often than doubt, and asking what keeps him in it is what makes the question fair.
How and when to ask
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Which questions to bring
For a school or Confirmation interview
The Openers are written so that any priest can answer each one in a few minutes. Add two or three from Priesthood, send the list ahead if you can, and ask before you record him or quote him by name.
If you are not Catholic
Start with Teaching and say plainly that you are asking out of curiosity. A priest is used to it: confession, Mary and Communion are subjects he has explained many times, often to people who left unpersuaded and on good terms.
If you are new, or coming back
Parish opens with four questions for exactly this: what to do at Mass, what to do at Communion, how people join, and what returning involves. None of them commits you to anything, and a priest would sooner be asked than have you guess.
If you need something arranged
Go straight to Sacraments and bring dates and any documents you have. One practical matter per conversation is plenty. The personal questions keep, and they go better once he knows who you are.
Finding the right moment
- Not in the ten minutes before Mass. A priest is preparing then, and anything you say will be half heard.
- After Mass is fine for a short practical question or to arrange a longer conversation.
- For anything about a wedding, a baptism, an annulment or a death, contact the parish office and ask for an appointment. These need paperwork and time.
- For an urgent visit to someone very ill, say so plainly when you call, including which hospital or home. Most parishes have some arrangement for emergencies out of hours, and asking for it is not an imposition.
- If the parish has several priests or a deacon, ask who normally handles the thing you need. It is often not the parish priest.
What to expect from the answers
Practice varies by parish and diocese
Preparation requirements for baptisms and weddings, confession times, and who may be a godparent are set locally within Church law. An answer from another parish, or from the internet, may simply not apply where you are.
Teaching questions get the Church's answer first
On doctrine a priest speaks for the Church before he speaks for himself, so do not expect him to tell you a teaching is wrong. You can still ask which parts he finds hardest to explain, and what he would give you to read if you wanted the full argument.
He may not answer immediately
Questions about annulment, or about a specific situation in a family, often need a look at documents or a call to the diocese. Being told he will find out is a better sign than a quick guess.
Confession is a different setting
If what you want is to talk something through at length, ask for a conversation rather than joining the queue at the posted confession time, when minutes are short and other people are waiting.
A priest is not a therapist or a lawyer
For depression, addiction, debt or a legal problem, a good priest will listen and then point you to someone qualified. Take the referral rather than reading it as a refusal.
Small practicalities
Father, followed by his first name or his surname, is the usual form of address in English-speaking parishes, and you will hear which one this parish uses within a minute of arriving. If you are visiting to arrange something, bring any documents you already have, such as baptismal or marriage certificates. Written questions are welcome by email in many parishes, and are often answered more fully than they would be at the church door.