Questions to Ask a Deaf Person
Questions to ask a Deaf or hard of hearing person, written for hearing people: an ASL student with a Deaf-interview assignment, a new coworker or classmate, a friend, a date. They run in the order a conversation goes, from how the two of you should talk, through growing up, Deaf culture, school and work, and technology and interpreters, to everyday life. Each has a note on what to listen for or what to do with the answer, and the guide covers etiquette and the questions to leave alone.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Communication
What's the easiest way for us to talk: signing, writing, typing on a phone, speaking, or a mix?
Why ask it
Ask it first, typed on your phone if you don't sign, then do what they say even when it is slower for you. A mix is a common answer and it shifts with the room, so check again when you move somewhere louder or darker.
When you're looking somewhere else and I need your attention, what should I do?
Why ask it
A wave inside their line of sight, a light tap on the shoulder and a knock on the table are the usual answers, and people have a favorite. Some dislike being touched by someone they barely know, which is why you ask instead of guessing.
Do you describe yourself as Deaf, hard of hearing, or something else?
Why ask it
The choice is about identity as much as hearing, and two people with the same audiogram can make it differently. Use their word from then on, and leave 'hearing impaired' alone unless they say it first, since plenty of people dislike it. For a write-up, ask whether they capitalize Deaf.
Do you lipread, and how much of a conversation do you actually catch that way?
Why ask it
Many people who lipread describe it as filling gaps from context, so a yes does not mean you can talk at full speed with your head turned. If the answer is 'not much', believe it and move to writing or signing without treating it as a loss.
What do hearing people do that makes a conversation harder for you?
Why ask it
Expect a list: covering the mouth, turning away mid-sentence, shouting, saying 'never mind'. Whatever they name is your checklist for the next hour. If you catch yourself in one of them, fix it and skip the defense.
If I miss something you sign or say, what do you want me to do instead of nodding along?
Why ask it
Pretending to follow is the habit to break, and it runs in both directions. Settle on a fix now, such as asking for it again, fingerspelling or typing it out, and tell them to stop you the same way.
Where do you want to sit so you can see me and the rest of the room?
Why ask it
A window behind you puts your face in shadow, and a seat facing the wall hides everything a hearing person would catch by ear. Let them pick first and take the chair that is left.
In a group, what helps you keep track of who is talking?
Why ask it
Group conversation is where people get dropped, because the speaker changes faster than eyes can find them. One person at a time, a raised hand before speaking, or a friend who points are common requests. Pick one and be the person who does it at the next lunch.
I'm learning to sign. Would you rather correct my mistakes as we go or let them slide?
Why ask it
Some people enjoy coaching a learner and some are worn out from being every student's free tutor. If they say let it slide, keep the conversation a conversation and save the grammar questions for your teacher.
Growing up
If you don't mind my asking, have you been deaf since birth, or did your hearing change later on?
Why ask it
Reasonable in an interview assignment once you have talked for a while, and too much from a coworker in the first week. Take the answer as biography, not bad news: 'I'm sorry' is the wrong reply to someone describing who they are.
Is anyone else in your family deaf, and how did everyone communicate at home?
Why ask it
A house where the family signs and a house where one child watches mouths at dinner are very different childhoods. Ask who at home learned to sign and how well, then leave room, because that answer is sometimes a sore one.
When did you start signing, and who did you learn it from?
Why ask it
Skip it if the first question told you they don't sign, because plenty of deaf and hard of hearing people never have. Those who do may have grown up with it, picked it up at school or found it as adults, and if it came late, ask what changed once they had it.
Which language feels like home to you, the one you think or dream in?
Why ask it
People answer with a sign language, a spoken or written one, or a blend that depends on who was in the dream. Ask which feels like home and not which they are better at, which sounds like a test.
What did the adults around you get right when you were a kid, and what do you wish they had done differently?
Why ask it
Stories here tend to be about being included or left out: who explained the joke at the table, who learned to sign, who decided things without asking. Listen without defending or blaming the parents. If you are raising or teaching a deaf child, this is the answer to write down.
Who was the first Deaf adult you looked up to?
Why ask it
For people from hearing families it is often a teacher, a coach or an older student, and meeting that person can be the point where the future started to look ordinary. If they say there was nobody until much later, ask what it was like when one finally showed up.
How has the way you feel about being deaf changed since you were younger?
Why ask it
You may hear about a turning point, or that it has never been a big deal. Both are complete answers. Don't dig for a struggle that isn't in the story you were given.
Culture
What does Deaf culture mean in your own life?
Why ask it
This is the heart of most interview assignments, and it goes better when you ask for an example than for a definition. A hard of hearing or late-deafened person may say they stand at the edge of it or outside it, and that belongs in your write-up as their answer, not as a gap.
Do you think of being deaf as a disability, a difference, a culture, or some mix of those?
Why ask it
A staple of Deaf-interview assignments, and one that Deaf people answer differently from each other. Some reject the word disability outright, some use it because it fits their experience or the services they rely on, and many hold both views at once. Write down their reasons and keep your textbook's answer to yourself.
Do you have a name sign, and what's the story behind it?
Why ask it
Name signs are given inside the community, so there is nearly always a who and a why. Enjoy the story and don't ask for one of your own on the spot: if you stay around long enough, someone may offer.
Where does the Deaf community around here get together?
Why ask it
Socials, sports, clubs, coffee nights, a church, a school's homecoming: every area has its own map. Ask which gatherings welcome hearing learners before you turn up at one, especially if you need event hours for a class.
What's a part of Deaf culture that hearing people don't notice until someone points it out?
Why ask it
Let them choose instead of offering what you read in a textbook. Answers run from how long a goodbye takes to how plainly people describe one another, and the one they pick is usually one they have had to explain before.
Can you show me a joke or a bit of wordplay in sign that falls apart in English?
Why ask it
Ask to see it, not to have it explained. You will probably miss half, they will enjoy that, and it resets the mood after the heavier questions.
Which Deaf actors, artists, writers or creators should I be watching?
Why ask it
Get the names spelled out and write them down. Coming back a week later having watched one of them is the easiest second conversation you will ever start.
How do you feel about hearing people learning sign language?
Why ask it
Usually glad, with conditions, and the conditions are the part to hear: learn from Deaf teachers, don't treat it as a party trick, don't set yourself up to teach it after one semester. Notice which of those applies to you.
Which myth about deaf people would you retire first?
Why ask it
That everyone lipreads, that sign language is the same worldwide, that deaf people can't drive or don't care about music: the list is long and they will have a favorite. Once they have named it, don't follow with 'so can you, though?'
Have you met Deaf people from other countries, and how did you manage to talk to each other?
Why ask it
Sign languages differ from country to country, and travelers often have a good story about finding common ground anyway. It works well with someone who seems tired of explaining the basics.
School and work
What kind of school did you go to: a school for the deaf, a mainstream school, or some of each?
Why ask it
Deaf people often ask each other this on first meeting, so it is safer than it sounds. Ask what each setting gave them and cost them. Opinions on this run strong, and yours is not needed.
What did a normal class look like for you: an interpreter, captions, a note taker, a seat up front?
Why ask it
The follow-up that matters is which arrangement worked and which only looked fine on paper. What a school provides depends on where and when someone went, so take their account as theirs and not as how it works everywhere.
Which teacher made school work for you, and what did they do?
Why ask it
Answers come back small and concrete: faced the class while talking, handed out notes ahead of time, learned some sign. If you teach, tutor or lead study groups, those are yours to copy on Monday.
What do you do for work, and how did you end up in it?
Why ask it
Ask it exactly as you would ask anyone, and let the job be the subject for a few minutes before access comes into it. Surprise at the answer is the thing to keep off your face.
How do meetings work for you at your job?
Why ask it
From a new coworker this is the most useful question on the page. You might hear about a booked interpreter, live captions or reading the notes afterward, and each one suggests something you can do: send the agenda early, keep to one speaker, put decisions in writing.
When you were job hunting, at what point did you tell employers you're deaf?
Why ask it
On the application, at the interview or after the offer: the timing matters less than the reasoning behind it, so ask for that and don't grade the choice. What an employer may ask and has to provide depends on the country and the employer. If you need to know for yourself, ask how it works where you are.
What's one thing a coworker or classmate could do that would make your day easier?
Why ask it
Expect something modest, like repeating what the announcement said, or sending the question by message instead of calling across the room. Then do it quietly. Making a show of it undoes the favor.
What would you tell a deaf teenager who's thinking about college or a first job?
Why ask it
Advice questions put them in the expert's chair, which is where an interview subject should sit. For an assignment, take this one down word for word and check the wording with them before you quote it.
Access
What technology do you use every day, and which piece would you miss most?
Why ask it
Let them name it instead of guessing at hearing aids. Texting, video calls, captions and alerts that flash or vibrate come up as often as anything worn on the ear, and the one they would miss most is usually the one to use when you want to reach them.
Do you use hearing aids or a cochlear implant, and what do they do and not do for you?
Why ask it
Personal, and for some people tied to strong feelings, so save it for after some trust or for when they raise it. People describe very different results from the same device, so a visible one tells you nothing about what they hear, and it is never an opening to ask why they do or don't have one.
How do you handle it when a business only lists a phone number?
Why ask it
Relay services, video calls through an interpreter, email, an app, a friend: the options and who runs them vary by country, so ask how it works where they live. If you run a business yourself, this is the nudge to add a text or email contact.
When you work with an interpreter, what separates a good one from a bad one?
Why ask it
Listen for more than vocabulary: keeping pace, matching their signing style, staying out of the conversation, keeping private things private. It also explains why a friend who signs a little, you included, is not a stand-in.
When an interpreter is in the room, where should I look and who should I talk to?
Why ask it
Most people will tell you to look at them and say 'you', not 'ask her if'. Hearing it from the person you'll be talking with makes it stick. Ask before the meeting starts, not halfway through it.
Who arranges the interpreter or captioning for a doctor's visit, a class or a work event, and how well does that go?
Why ask it
Who books it and who pays depends on the country, the state, the employer and the provider, so ask how it works for them and don't quote rules back. The telling part is what happened the times nobody showed up.
How good are automatic captions for you, honestly?
Why ask it
Verdicts range from a daily lifesaver to barely usable, and they change with the speaker, the accent and the subject. If you post videos or run online meetings, ask what they would rather you offered.
How do you find out about a fire alarm, a gate change or a weather warning?
Why ask it
Flashing alarms, phone alerts and screens do part of the job, and other people do the rest more often than they should have to. The thing to take away: when an announcement comes over a speaker, pass it on without waiting to be asked.
Everyday
How do you wake up on time: a vibrating alarm, a flashing light, something else?
Why ask it
An easy one that people tend to enjoy answering, and a good change of pace after interpreters and paperwork. The doorbell, the oven timer and a crying baby are natural follow-ups.
What's your relationship with music?
Why ask it
Don't assume there isn't one. People talk about feeling the bass, listening through a device, signed performances, or having no interest at all, and you should meet each of those with the same face.
What's it like ordering at a counter, a drive-through or a loud restaurant?
Why ask it
You'll hear the workarounds, like an order typed on a phone or a finger on the menu, and stories about staff who handled it well or badly. If you work a counter, the lesson is a pen, some patience and eyes up.
After a whole day around hearing people, what wears you out the most?
Why ask it
Hours of watching faces and guessing at missed words take concentration that hearing people don't spend. The answer tells you when to suggest a break, switch to text, or stop asking questions for the evening.
If you've dated hearing people, what made it easier or harder?
Why ask it
Skip it unless you know them well or you are the hearing person on the date. Answers tend to circle effort: who learned to sign, who interpreted at family dinners, who got left out with the friends. On a date, keep it light and remember what they said.
What's a good thing about being Deaf that hearing people never think of?
Why ask it
Ask it because you want to know, not as a consolation prize. People mention a close community, a language they love, sleeping through anything or tuning out a dull room. It is one of the few questions here that often gets a laugh.
What does a free Saturday look like for you?
Why ask it
Nothing about deafness in it, on purpose. Hobbies, teams, a dog and a terrible reality show remind you both that this is a person and not a topic. In an interview write-up, the answer deserves a paragraph.
What do you wish hearing people would ask you instead of the usual questions?
Why ask it
It hands them the microphone near the end and often brings out the best answer of the whole conversation. Then ask them exactly that question, right there.
Is there anything we talked about that you'd rather I leave out of my paper or keep to myself?
Why ask it
Many instructors require this for a class interview, and it is kind in any case, since Deaf communities are small and stories travel. Offer to show them the write-up or video before you hand it in, and ask how they would like to be named.
How to ask a Deaf person questions well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start asking
Sort out how you'll talk first
The Communication questions come first for a reason. Until you know whether to sign, type, write or speak, and where to sit, every later question costs the other person extra work. Bring a charged phone or a notebook even if you sign, because fingerspelling every word you don't know gets old for both of you.
If it's for an ASL class
Say so at the start, say how long it will take, and ask whether they would like the questions ahead of time. Ask before you record, and remember that a signed interview needs video, not audio, with both of you in frame and decent light. Your teacher or the local Deaf center may have its own way of putting students in touch with people, so ask how it works there before you message a stranger.
One person, not a spokesperson
You are asking about one life. Someone raised signing in a Deaf family, someone who lost their hearing at forty and someone hard of hearing who speaks on the phone will answer half this list in opposite ways. Phrase things as 'for you' and write them up that way.
Match the question to how well you know them
A coworker in week one needs the Communication group, the meeting question and not much more. A friend or a date can wander into Culture and Everyday. Growing up and the question about devices belong to an interview they agreed to, or to a friendship with some miles on it.
Etiquette while you talk
Keep your face in view
Face them, keep your hands and your cup away from your mouth, and don't talk while walking ahead or looking at a screen. Speak at your normal pace and size. Shouting and exaggerated mouthing both make speech harder to read, not easier.
Eye contact is the listening
In a signed or lipread conversation, looking away is close to leaving the room. Hold their gaze while they are signing, and if you have to look down to write a note, say so first and wait until you are both looking up again.
With an interpreter
Look at the Deaf person and talk to them directly. Expect a short lag and leave room for it before you come in with the next question. Don't ask the interpreter for an opinion or pull them into a side conversation while they are working.
Never say 'never mind'
When something has to be repeated, repeat it, rephrase it or type it. 'It doesn't matter' tells a person they weren't worth the second try, and it is a phrase many Deaf people say they have heard far too often. The same goes for the joke everyone else just laughed at: pass it on.
Let them finish
Don't guess the end of a signed sentence, take hold of someone's hands, or stand between two people who are signing to each other. If the only way through is between them, the usual advice is to walk through briskly instead of stopping to make a production of your apology.
Questions to leave alone
Tests of how much they can hear
'Can you hear this?', 'Can you read my lips?' said with a grin, and 'Say something' turn a person into a demonstration. The list asks about lipreading once, as a practical matter, so that you know what to do. That is the only reason to ask.
Causes and cures
What caused it, whether it is genetic and whether it can be fixed are medical history, and a stranger is not owed any. 'Why don't you just get an implant?' and 'Wouldn't you want to hear if you could?' assume a life that needs repair. If they want to tell you how they see it, the Growing up questions leave the door open.
Surprise dressed as a question
'You can drive?', 'You have a job?', 'Are your kids hearing?' and 'You speak so well' all announce what you expected. Ask the plain version you would ask anyone: what do you drive, what do you do, tell me about your kids.
Requests for a performance
Asking to be taught the swear words, to have a song signed, or to be given a name sign in the first ten minutes makes their language a party trick. Asking a Deaf friend to interpret for you, or to tutor you every week, is asking for work and deserves to be treated that way.
Pity and praise
'I'm so sorry' and 'you're so inspiring' are the same mistake from two directions. If an answer moves you, say what you learned from it instead.
After the conversation
Do what they told you
The test of the conversation is whether you now wave instead of calling out, send the message in writing, and repeat the announcement. Pick the two or three things they asked for and make them habits before you see them again.
Writing it up
Quote them accurately, use the words they use for themselves, and capitalize Deaf the way they do. Leave out what they asked you to leave out. If the assignment asks what you learned about Deaf culture, report what this one person said and don't stretch it into a rule for everyone.
Keep going without leaning on them
Follow the creators they named, go to an event they said was open to learners, and take your grammar questions to a Deaf teacher. A friendship carries on better when they are not also your only source.
Say thanks in a way that counts
A message afterward, in the format they prefer, saying what stuck with you does more than a general thank you. If you promised to send the paper or the video, send it.