Questions to Ask a Liberal
Questions to ask a liberal friend, relative or coworker when you lean the other way, or are simply curious, and want to know what they believe and why. They follow the order a good conversation takes: easy openers about the person, then the role of government, taxes and spending, hard issues such as immigration and speech, where their own side goes too far and what they make of yours, and the common ground to finish on. Each has a note on what a thoughtful or a worrying answer sounds like and how to ask without it turning into a fight.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Start here
When you call yourself a liberal, what do you mean by it?
Why ask it
The word means different things from one country to the next and from one person to the next, and some would rather say progressive, moderate or left. Let them define it before you argue with a version they don't hold, then use their word from there on.
Which issue matters most to you, the one that could decide your vote on its own?
Why ask it
Begin the real conversation here and not on the issue you most want to argue about. If they give you three, ask which one they'd keep if they could keep only one.
What do conservatives most often get wrong about what you believe?
Why ask it
Treat the answer as a list of assumptions you may be about to make. You might hear that they're tired of being told they hate their country or look down on religious people. If you did assume one of those, own up, and the rest of the talk gets easier.
Were you raised liberal, or did you get there on your own?
Why ask it
Someone who grew up in it and someone who arrived against the grain of their family are two different conversations. With the second, ask what the first disagreement at home was about.
Was there a moment, or a person, that made politics personal for you?
Why ask it
Opinions invite a rebuttal and stories invite listening, which makes this the safest early question on the page. Whatever they describe, a layoff, a hospital bill, a teacher, don't dispute it. It happened to them.
How closely do you follow politics: every day, or mostly around elections?
Why ask it
It tells you how deep to go. A person who tunes in around elections will feel quizzed by policy detail, and you'll learn more by asking what they want daily life to look like.
Before we get into the issues, is there anything you'd rather I left alone?
Why ask it
Asking is what separates curiosity from an ambush, above all with a coworker or across a family table. If they name a subject, stay off it for the whole evening, jokes included.
Government
What do you think government is for?
Why ask it
The biggest question here, so give it room. A strong answer names a job or two, such as handling what people can't manage alone, and lets you ask where that job ends. If all you hear is 'to help people,' ask who decides what counts as help.
If your side won every argument for the next ten years, what would the country look like?
Why ask it
This gets you the destination, which news clips and campaign ads rarely show. Listen for whether the picture is concrete: what a doctor's visit costs, what a paycheck covers, what a neighborhood looks like. Parts of it you may want as well, and those are worth saying out loud.
Is there anything you think government should keep its hands off completely?
Why ask it
Many conservatives expect to hear 'nothing,' and that is seldom the answer. Private life tends to come up: who people marry, what they read, what is said in a doctor's office. You probably keep a list like that yourself, so compare the two before you get to where you differ.
How do you feel about the word socialism: something you want, or a label that gets stuck on you?
Why ask it
Some liberals take the word gladly and others reject it flatly, and those two want quite different things. If they do use it, ask what they have in mind, because people mean anything from public schools to state-owned industry. If they don't, drop the word for the rest of the talk.
What do you think markets do well, and where do they let people down?
Why ask it
You need both halves. Someone who can credit markets before listing the failures is arguing about where a line goes, and that is an argument two people can have. If one half is missing, ask for it once, gently.
When a program you support is run badly, does that change how you feel about it?
Why ask it
The thoughtful answer separates the goal from the delivery and can name a program that is failing at the moment. Be wary when every complaint about how something is run gets heard as an attack on the people it serves.
What does a good safety net look like to you, and who is it for?
Why ask it
Listen for whether they picture a floor to stand on or a ladder to climb, because the two lead to different programs. Then ask who they see using it: a neighbor between jobs, a parent on their own, someone who will never be able to work. Two people can argue about the safety net for an hour with different faces in mind.
Should government aim for equal chances, or for more equal results?
Why ask it
An old dividing line between left and right, and your friend may stand nearer the 'chances' end than you guessed. Have them give you one gap between people they find unfair and one they think is fine.
What should people be expected to handle for themselves?
Why ask it
'Personal responsibility' is a phrase from the right that can land as an accusation, so leave it out and ask it this way. Most people have a firm list. Compare lists before you compare principles, since the lists may overlap more than the principles do.
Is there a regulation you think goes too far?
Why ask it
A concrete example, a license that takes months, a permit that sank a shop they liked, shows they count costs as well as benefits. If nothing comes to mind, bring one from your own work and ask what they would do about it.
Are you fine with one state or town going one way on an issue and the next one going another?
Why ask it
It checks whether local control is a principle or a tactic, and it checks you as well, since both sides tend to love local control wherever they win locally. Ask which issues they think are too important to vary by place, and what makes those different.
Taxes and spending
What does 'paying a fair share' mean to you in practice?
Why ask it
The phrase gets passed around as if everyone agreed on it. Ask for a rough picture and not a number: who should pay more than they do now, who less, and how they would know when it was fair. Find out which taxes they are picturing too, since income, property, sales and business taxes land on different people.
What government spending would you cut?
Why ask it
Every side has money it thinks is wasted, and asking for theirs is a quick route to agreement. Their list won't match yours. Watch for the one item that sits on both.
Does the national debt worry you?
Why ask it
Answers run from 'a lot' to 'less than people say,' and the reasoning matters more than the level of worry. Resist replying with a figure. Ask what would have to happen for it to climb their list.
What would you say to a small business owner who can't afford a higher minimum wage?
Why ask it
Putting one person in the picture keeps this from turning into a trade of slogans. Hope to hear that the owner's cost is real, and then why they think it is worth it or how they would soften it. Expect the matching question back: what would you say to the worker who can't live on the wage as it is?
Should help from government come with conditions, like work or training?
Why ask it
This is a real fault line, and they may be closer to you on it than their party's loudest voices are. Ask about a case they have seen up close, since most of us reason better from a person we know than from a category.
What should healthcare cost a person, and who should pay the rest?
Why ask it
Health systems differ so much by country, state, employer and insurer that the first step is asking how theirs works and what it has cost them. Start from their own bill or their own wait, and get to the principle after.
Is there a tax or program you support that would cost you personally?
Why ask it
It asks whether the position holds when the bill arrives at their own door. A specific yes deserves respect, and you should say so. Expect the mirror question straight back, about a cut you favor that would cost you.
What do you think of people who get very rich: admirable, a problem, or does it depend how?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone says it depends how, so the follow-up is the real question: which ways of getting rich bother them and which don't. Make your own two lists in your head while they talk and see how far apart the pairs are.
Hard issues
What should immigration look like: who comes, how many, and by what process?
Why ask it
Asking for the design gets you past 'for' and 'against.' Most people want both some immigration and some limits, which makes the gap between you a matter of degree. Before you disagree, each say how you think the process works today, because the two of you may be picturing different systems.
What should happen to people who came or stayed without permission?
Why ask it
Slow down for this one, and sort the cases together: someone who arrived last month, someone who has been here twenty years and has children in school. Ask which case they find hardest, and be ready to say which one is hardest for you.
Is there any speech you think should be against the law?
Why ask it
Ask what they would want, and leave aside what the law says now where either of you lives. A narrow line and a clear idea of who enforces it is a considered answer. The follow-up that matters: would they be comfortable with the other party doing the enforcing?
Should someone lose their job over something they said outside work?
Why ask it
Ask for a real case they remember and whether they thought it ended fairly. Then keep the words the same, flip the speaker's politics and ask again. The same verdict both times is the good sign, and it is a test to run on yourself as well.
Which gun laws would you want, and what would you leave alone?
Why ask it
The second half lowers the temperature, because gun owners often brace for 'ban them all' and the answer is usually narrower. If you own guns, describe what buying and storing one involves where you live, which they may never have heard from an owner. Whether they grew up around guns shapes the answer, so ask that too.
On climate, what are you willing to see cost more or change, and what aren't you?
Why ask it
Skip the argument about the science and go to the costs, which is where two people can actually trade. Ask for one thing they'd accept, a higher power bill or a new plant near their own town, and one they wouldn't. Then give your own pair.
What do you want the police to do more of, and less of?
Why ask it
You get a far more usable answer than from asking whether they support the police. Follow up with what they would want to happen when they are the one calling for help.
What should schools teach about the country's history, the good and the bad?
Why ask it
Start with what they remember being taught and what they wish had been included. If both of you want the achievements and the failures in, the quarrel is over proportion, and proportion is a calmer thing to quarrel about.
What place should religion have in public life?
Why ask it
If your own politics come out of your faith, say so before asking, so it doesn't land as a trap. Don't assume they have none: plenty of liberals are religious. Listen for the difference between keeping government out of religion and keeping religion out of sight.
Should race or gender ever be taken into account in hiring or admissions?
Why ask it
Start with what they have seen where they work or studied, since the rules they know may not be the ones you know. The answers worth having admit that somebody loses out under any policy, doing nothing included, and say why their choice is the fairer one.
On abortion, is there a part of the question you find hard?
Why ask it
Keep this for someone you know well, and only if you can hear the answer without rebutting it. For many people the hard part is personal before it is political. If they'd rather not go there, drop it at once and move to another subject.
Both sides
Where do you think liberals go too far?
Why ask it
The most useful question on the page, and the easiest to ruin by looking pleased with the answer. Thank them, don't quote it back later, and answer the same thing about conservatives right away. If they say 'nowhere,' they aren't ready for it yet, so return to an easier group.
What would it take to change your mind on the issue you care most about?
Why ask it
A named piece of evidence, or a result they would accept as a fair test, is as good an answer as anyone on any side gives. 'Nothing' doesn't end the talk. It means the position rests on a value and not a prediction, so ask about the value.
Which liberal politician or commentator makes you wince?
Why ask it
Almost everybody has one, and naming them comes as a relief. It also stops you from holding your friend responsible for the loudest person on their side, which is the habit that sinks most of these talks.
Have you ever kept a political opinion to yourself around other liberals?
Why ask it
A yes tells you their side is less uniform than it looks from outside, and it tends to open the most candid stretch of the conversation. Whatever they confide, don't pounce on it and don't repeat it.
Is there an issue where you've moved to the right as you've gotten older?
Why ask it
Crime, schools, money and raising children are the usual places, and people are often a little surprised to be asked. Don't greet it as a conversion. Tell them where you've moved left.
Is there a conservative idea you think has something to it?
Why ask it
Hope for something specific: thrift, strong families, caution about changing things quickly. If they come up empty, offer the liberal idea you find hardest to dismiss, and they will usually return the favor.
Which conservative do you respect, in public life or in your own?
Why ask it
More often the answer is an uncle or an old boss than a politician, and that is the better answer. Somebody they love who votes your way is probably why they agreed to this conversation at all.
What do you think drives the average conservative voter?
Why ask it
You're asking for their picture of you, so brace a little. If the picture is fear, greed or ignorance, don't argue with it: tell them what does drive you and let them redraw it. A picture you would sign your name to is the best sign on this list.
What worries you most when conservatives are in charge?
Why ask it
So far you've asked what they believe, and this asks what they fear, which can explain more about a vote than any policy. Let them finish without correcting the picture, then ask which part they have seen happen and which part they are bracing for. Have your own answer ready for when liberals are in charge.
Is there a conservative writer, show or podcast you check in on?
Why ask it
Get the name and try it yourself, since it shows which version of your side they've met. If there isn't one, don't score the point. Offer to trade one recommendation each, and choose something calm and well argued over the angriest thing you watch.
Common ground
What do you think liberals and conservatives both want, underneath?
Why ask it
Safe streets, decent work, children who end up better off: the list tends to come quickly. Once it's out, much of what remains is a disagreement about methods, and people can disagree about methods and stay friends.
What problem do you think neither party is serious about?
Why ask it
Frustration with both parties is ground you may share. If their answer matches yours, stay on it for a while. It may be the first time in the conversation that you are both on the same side of the table.
What makes you proud of this country?
Why ask it
Conservatives sometimes assume liberals aren't proud of it, and liberals know that, so this stings if it sounds like a test. Ask it warmly and answer first. Their examples will differ from yours, and the difference is worth more than a matching list.
Is there something close to home, a school, a road, a park, that we'd both vote for?
Why ask it
Local questions often don't split along party lines, and a national argument shrinks next to a pothole you both drive over. Agreeing on one small thing changes how the next disagreement feels.
What would you want me to understand about you that I probably don't?
Why ask it
Leave a long pause after it. What comes back is seldom a policy. It's more often a worry about someone they love or a wish not to be seen as naive, and all it needs from you is 'I didn't know that.'
What have you always wanted to ask someone on my side?
Why ask it
Hand over the chair. You've been asking for a while, and a conversation that runs one way is an interview. Answer as you hoped they would answer you: plainly, doubts included.
Did I get anything wrong in how I've understood you today?
Why ask it
Before asking, say their two or three main points back in your own words. Being summed up fairly by someone who disagrees is rare, and it is what makes a person willing to do this again.
How to ask a liberal about politics without starting a fight
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you ask
One person, somewhere private
These are questions for one friend, relative or coworker at a time, on a walk, in a car or over coffee. In front of an audience both of you start performing for it, and a person who feels outnumbered defends positions they don't even hold strongly.
Say why you're asking
Something like 'I vote differently from you and I'd like to understand how you see it' does most of the work. People who lean left have usually been handed 'questions' that were really accusations, so make it plain that no trap is coming, and then don't spring one.
Choose a handful
Read the list beforehand and pick five or six you honestly don't know their answer to. Open with one or two from Start here, take a couple from the middle groups on the subjects they care about, and save something from Common ground for the end. Working down the page in order turns a talk into a survey.
Check what the word means where you are
Liberal doesn't mean the same thing in every country, and within one country it stretches from the cautious center to the far left. Ask which they are before you assume. The same goes for laws and programs: taxes, healthcare, gun rules and immigration systems differ by country and state, so ask how it works where they live and don't correct them from memory.
Keeping it a conversation
Say it back before you answer
After a long answer, put it in your own words and ask whether you have it right. It slows you down at the exact moment you want to rebut, and it is hard for anyone to stay braced against a person who has just stated their view fairly.
Follow up, don't rebut
'What makes you say that' and 'can you give me an example' keep them talking. 'But what about' ends the question and starts the debate. You can disagree later. For the length of this conversation your job is to find out, and you can't do both at once.
Trade answers
Any question you ask, be ready to answer about your own side, and offer to before they have to ask. Where they think liberals go too far is only a fair question if you will say where conservatives do, and what worries them about your side in charge only if you will hear it out and say what worries you about theirs. If you're not willing to answer one, don't ask it.
Park the disputed facts
When the two of you disagree about a number or what a law says, don't settle it from your phones at the table. Say 'we remember that differently, let's both look it up later' and go back to what they want and why. Arguments about facts are where these talks most often go sour, and the values underneath are what you came for.
Talk to the person in front of you
Your friend is not answerable for a politician, a protest or a stranger's post. The moment you say 'your side' did something, they stop describing what they think and start defending people they may not even like. Ask what they make of it instead.
Reading the answers
Signs of a thought-through view
They can name a cost of what they want and who bears it. They can state a conservative argument in a form you would accept. They have a limit, a case where they would say 'that goes too far.' They talk about people they know as well as categories. None of this means they are right. It means you are talking with someone who has done the thinking.
Signs to go gently
Every answer arrives as a slogan, the other side's motives are always bad, and nothing could ever change their mind on anything. Before you judge it, consider that they may be braced for an attack. Go back to the questions about their own story, and try a harder one again later or another day.
Hold yourself to the same test
Each of those signs applies to you. If you can't name a cost of your own position, state a liberal argument fairly or say where your side overreaches, the conversation has shown you something useful about yourself, and saying that out loud will do more for it than any question on the page.
What counts as a good outcome
Nobody changes their vote over one coffee. A good result is smaller: you can now describe what they believe in words they would agree with, you found one thing you both want, and they would be willing to talk again.
Family, work and when to stop
At a family gathering
Don't open this at the holiday table. Catch the relative alone, in the kitchen or on the drive, and keep to Start here and Common ground. With family the relationship has to survive the conversation, so leave Hard issues and Both sides for a day with nothing else riding on it.
With a coworker
Only with someone you already get along with, away from your desks, and never with anyone who reports to you or whose review you write. Employers differ on political talk at work, so know what yours expects. Stay with the questions about how they think and skip the ones that touch a colleague's private life.
Not in a comment thread
These questions depend on tone of voice and on the other person being able to see that you mean it. Typed under a post, 'where do you think liberals go too far' reads as a jab however you intended it. If the person matters to you, ask to talk.
When to stop
Stop when either voice rises, when answers get short, or when you notice you are waiting for your turn and no longer listening. Say 'I'd like to pick this up another time, thanks for telling me that much' and change the subject completely. Ending early and on good terms is what gets you a second conversation.