Questions to Ask a Psychic Medium About Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away
Questions for someone considering a mediumship reading after a death: what to establish before booking, what to ask during the session, and what to do with it afterwards. Written to be used alongside whatever you already believe, not to argue you into or out of it.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How do you work, and what happens in a session?
Why ask it
Practice varies widely. Some practitioners ask for nothing at all, others want a first name or a photograph, and some run readings as a conversation where you talk half the time. Knowing the format tells you how much you will be expected to volunteer, which matters because that is where most apparent knowledge comes from.
Do you want any information about me or my family beforehand?
Why ask it
Ask what they intend to do with it. Full names, dates, and a town make anyone searchable in minutes, so a practitioner who deliberately asks for nothing is making a stronger claim and can be held to it later.
How long is the session, what does it cost, and what happens if nothing comes through?
Why ask it
Settle this while you are still able to think about money. A fixed price, a stated length, and a reschedule or refund policy are ordinary practice; hesitation on any of the three is the earliest warning you will get.
Is there anything you charge for beyond the session itself?
Why ask it
This is where costs escalate: follow-up appointments, clearing or cleansing work, objects for protection, ongoing contact for a monthly fee. Anyone who tells you something is wrong and that they can put it right for a further payment is running a sales process.
May I record it?
Why ask it
Grief affects memory, and people routinely remember a reading as far more specific than the recording shows. A refusal without a plain reason is reason enough to book elsewhere, and the recording is also what you will want in a year.
May I bring someone with me?
Why ask it
A second person notices what you did not, including how much you told the room. Being asked to come alone, or discouraged from bringing a relative, is worth questioning before you agree to it.
Do you ever get nothing, or get it wrong?
Why ask it
Everyone doing this work has sessions where nothing lands. A practitioner who says otherwise, or who explains every miss as a message you are not ready to hear, has arranged things so that nothing can count against them.
Will you be saying anything about my health, my money, or decisions I have to make?
Why ask it
Draw this line at the start rather than mid-session. Readings that drift into medical or financial territory are where the real damage happens, and you are entitled to say you only want to talk about the person who died.
What do you think happens when someone dies?
Why ask it
Asked plainly, this lets you hear their beliefs before they start describing your family, and decide whether those beliefs sit comfortably with yours. It also tends to reveal whether they are working within a tradition or improvising.
Who do you think is here?
Why ask it
Say as little as you can in reply. Silence and "I am not sure" are legitimate answers, and what you are watching for is whether relationships and names arrive unprompted or get assembled out of your reactions to guesses.
What can you tell me about them that I have not told you?
Why ask it
This is the request that separates a reading from a conversation. Look for something small, specific, and checkable: a habit, an object, a phrase they used, rather than a description that would fit most parents or most grandmothers.
What did they call me?
Why ask it
Family names and nicknames are unusual, unguessable, and immediately recognizable, which makes this one of the few details you can genuinely evaluate on the spot. Notice whether it is offered whole or fished for a letter at a time.
What were they like to be around?
Why ask it
Character is harder to produce than facts. Whether the answer sounds like the person you knew, including the difficult parts, matters more than a run of correct details, and a description with no edges to it usually fits anyone.
There is more than one person I am hoping to hear from. Do you know which one this is?
Why ask it
Do not name them, and do not narrow it down. The reply tells you whether you are being given something specific or something that will be adjusted to fit whichever person you react to.
Is there anything you are getting that does not seem to fit?
Why ask it
Inviting the misses is the most useful thing you can do in a session. A practitioner who is willing to say that something makes no sense to them is treating you as an adult, and the ones who cannot say it are worth less trust, not more.
Can we stop if I need to?
Why ask it
Sessions can reach places you did not expect, particularly in the first year. Agreeing beforehand that you can pause or end it removes the pressure to sit politely through something that is hurting you.
What do you suggest I do with what came up today?
Why ask it
The answer you want costs nothing: sit with it, talk to your family, keep the recording and listen again in a few weeks. If the suggestion is another appointment, notice that the recommendation happens to be the thing they sell.
How often do people come back to you, and what do you tell them about that?
Why ask it
Watch for whether they actively discourage dependence. Weekly readings during acute grief occupy the place that friends, a bereavement group, or a counselor would otherwise fill, whatever the practitioner intends.
Do you work alongside any bereavement services, or can you point me to one?
Why ask it
Someone who can name a local hospice group, a bereavement charity, or a counselor has thought about the limits of what a reading does. An answer that treats the question as unnecessary is telling you something about how they see their role.
What would I need to hear today, and what would I rather not be told?
Why ask it
This one is for yourself, before you go. Writing it down makes it easier to notice if you are handed exactly what you were hoping for, and it stops you asking something you cannot un-ask, such as whether the person is at peace when a no would be unbearable.
Before, during, and after a reading
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you book
- Decide what you want from the hour. Comfort, a sense of connection, and verified information are different aims, and only the last one can disappoint you factually.
- Give as little identifying detail as possible when you book. A first name and an email are enough for an appointment.
- Look at how they advertise. Guarantees of contact, claims about accuracy rates, and pressure to book a package are all reasons to keep looking.
- Ask what they charge and whether anything is added afterwards, and get the answer in writing.
- If you are in the first weeks after a death, consider waiting. Almost nothing about a reading gets worse for being a few months later, and your ability to think about it clearly improves.
During the session
Answer briefly and let silences sit. "I do not know" and "that does not mean anything to me" are the two most useful sentences available to you, and neither is rude. Avoid filling in names, dates, or relationships, and notice if a general statement becomes specific only after you have reacted to it. Keep the recorder running, including through the parts that feel like small talk. If something lands hard, it is fine to stop and come back another day, and if the session turns towards your health, your money, or a decision you have to make, say that you would rather stay with the person who died.
Afterwards
- Listen to the recording after a few days. What felt uncanny in the room often reads differently once the emotion has settled, in both directions.
- Write down the details that were offered before you spoke, separately from the ones that came after. That list is the honest record of the session.
- Do not make financial, medical, or family decisions on the strength of a reading. If something in it worries you, take that worry to a doctor, a lawyer, or the relative concerned.
- Think carefully before passing on a message to someone who did not choose to be there.
- If you are going back repeatedly, or spending money you cannot spare, treat that as information about your grief rather than about the practitioner.
Where readings do harm
- Being told a spirit is unsettled, trapped, or attached to you, followed by an offer to resolve it for a fee.
- Any statement about your health, or about medication, presented as coming from the person who died.
- Pressure to buy a package, a course of sessions, or an object.
- Being told that a death was someone's fault, or that it could have been prevented, in a session that cannot establish either.
- Discouragement from talking to your family, your doctor, or a counselor about what you heard.
- Readings sought as a way to avoid the fact of the death rather than to sit with it, which tends to leave people needing the next appointment more than the last one helped.
Other places to take grief
A reading is one hour with a stranger. Bereavement support through a hospice, a hospital, a place of worship, or a national charity is usually free or low cost, is available for months rather than an afternoon, and does not depend on anyone being right about anything. Speaking to a doctor is reasonable if you are not sleeping or eating, or if the grief is not moving at all after several months. None of this replaces whatever a reading gave you, and it does not require you to stop believing anything you believe.