Questions to Ask Babysitter References
Questions for working through a sitter's list of references, one call at a time, so that two or three short conversations add up to a picture you can actually act on.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How do you know them, and how did you find them originally?
Why ask it
Start here because it decides how much weight the rest of the call carries. A neighbour who hired them off a local board is a real employer; a family friend who has known them since they were eight is offering character, not a work record.
Roughly what dates did they work for you?
Why ask it
You are checking for drift against what the sitter told you, not hunting for lies. A gap of a year that nobody mentioned, or a summer described to you as two years, is worth raising with the sitter directly rather than guessing at.
How many children were they watching at once, and how old were they?
Why ask it
One child is a different job from three, and three includes bedtime happening in three places. If they have never had your number of children at once, nothing else in the reference predicts how that will go.
Were there ever problems around hours or pay?
Why ask it
Money disputes surface things nothing else does: turning up late and charging the full slot, adding hours after the fact, going quiet about a bank transfer. A reference who hesitates here usually has a specific story behind it.
Which parts of the job did they pick up without being asked?
Why ask it
Dishes, laundry left in the machine, packing the school bag for the morning. This is the difference between a sitter who watches the clock and one who notices what needs doing, and it is not something anyone claims about themselves convincingly.
What did you have to tell them more than once?
Why ask it
The phrasing assumes there was something, which makes it easy to answer honestly. Repeated reminders about the same small thing predict how much managing they will need from you.
Was there a night you were particularly glad it was them there?
Why ask it
This invites the story a reference most wants to tell, and stories carry detail you can check. If they cannot think of one across a year of Fridays, that absence is information too.
Did your children ever say anything about the sitter afterwards that surprised you?
Why ask it
Children report the parts adults never see: what was on the television, who was on the phone, how long they were left upstairs. Parents often remember one such comment vividly if you give them the opening.
How did they do with your youngest?
Why ask it
Sitters are usually strongest with the age they most recently were, so the youngest child is the stress test. Answers that skate past the toddler and return to the eight-year-old are answering a different question.
Was there ever a point where they seemed out of their depth?
Why ask it
You want to know their ceiling, not whether they have one. A sitter who admitted at the time that something was too much is safer than one who pushed on and told nobody.
What did they do when a child refused to eat what was in front of them?
Why ask it
Dinner is the most reliable small conflict in any evening. The answer sorts sitters into those who negotiated, those who gave in immediately, and those who turned it into a standoff the parent had to repair the next day.
Were they able to say no to your children?
Why ask it
Sitters who want to be liked struggle here, and it is the most common weakness in otherwise good ones. If the reference laughs and says the kids ran the show, decide whether you can live with that.
Did they know where the important things were kept: first aid supplies, medication, the spare keys?
Why ask it
This tests both sides. A sitter who asked on the first night was thinking ahead; a family who never told them means nobody was thinking about it, and you should not read the silence as a mark against the sitter.
How did they handle other adults turning up: a neighbour, a delivery, a grandparent?
Why ask it
You are asking about judgement at the door. Letting in someone unannounced, or refusing entry to a grandparent who was expected, both come down to whether they checked with the parents first.
Did they use your kitchen, phone or car, and were you comfortable with how much?
Why ask it
Every family draws these lines differently, so what you want is the specific behaviour rather than a verdict. A reference who says "she made herself pasta, which was fine with us" is describing something you may feel differently about.
How did the arrangement end?
Why ask it
The most useful sentence in the whole call is often here. Term ended, family moved, kids outgrew it: all straightforward. A vague "we just stopped needing her" from a family with young children deserves one gentle follow-up.
Have you recommended them to anyone else, and how did that work out?
Why ask it
A reference who has already put their own name behind this person with friends is giving you a stronger signal than any adjective. If the recommendation happened and did not go well, they will usually tell you when asked this way.
What sort of family do you think they suit best?
Why ask it
This gives the reference a way to be honest that costs them nothing. "Great with school-age kids who can tell her what they need" is a polite way of saying not babies, and that is exactly the distinction you need.
If you were in my position, what would you want to know?
Why ask it
Ask this near the end, once they trust you are not trying to catch anyone out. It often produces the one caveat they were not going to volunteer, phrased as advice rather than criticism.
When you had a choice of sitters for a night, was this the one you called first?
Why ask it
A comparative question is much harder to answer politely than a general one. "She was our first call" and "we used her when Anna was busy" are both honest, and only one of them is a strong reference.
Working through a list of references
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How many calls, and to whom
Two useful calls beat four polite ones
Ask the sitter for the two most recent families with children nearest your kids' ages. Older references describe a person who has since changed, and one-off jobs cannot tell you what happens by the tenth evening.
Ask who is missing
If the sitter has been working for three years and both references are from last summer, ask about the families in between. There is usually an ordinary explanation, and hearing it is better than wondering.
Treat family and friends separately
A reference who is related to the sitter is worth taking, but as evidence of character rather than of work. Note which bucket each call belongs in before you weigh what was said.
Cross-checking between calls
Ask each reference the same five questions
Variation between families is the point. One family's minor complaint becomes significant when a second family raises it unprompted, and a strength that appears twice is probably real.
Write down the answer you did not expect
You will forget it by the second call otherwise. Late arrivals, phone use, an incident nobody mentioned to you: carry these forward and ask the next reference about them directly.
Close the loop with the sitter
If something comes up, raise it with the sitter plainly and without naming who said it. How they respond to an awkward question is itself part of the decision, and often settles it either way.
What goes wrong on these calls
Asking whether they were good
General questions about qualities get a yes from everyone, because nobody agrees to be a reference in order to criticise. Ask what happened on a particular evening instead.
Filling the silence
The most useful material tends to arrive two or three seconds after you assume the answer is finished. Resist moving on, and let the pause sit.
Deciding on the first warm reference
Warmth is the baseline, not a result. A call where everything is lovely and no detail is offered has told you very little, and the second call is where the calibration comes from.
Leaving out the boring logistics
Punctuality, cancellations and pay are unglamorous and are what actually end arrangements. Ask about them even when the reference is enthusiastic about everything else.