Questions to Ask Church Leaders
For visitors deciding whether to join a church, and members meeting a pastor or elder: questions on beliefs and governance, money, safeguarding, how people who left were treated, and what will be expected of you.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How did this church come to be, and what has changed most in the last five years?
Why ask it
An easy opener that also dates the current leadership. A church three years past a split, a building project or a founder's departure is a different place from a stable one, and that context explains much of the rest.
What happens on a Sunday, and how long does it run?
Why ask it
Practical, and it prevents the most common mismatch between visitor and church. Ask about communion frequency and whether there is anything expected of newcomers during the service.
What do you preach through, and who decides?
Why ask it
Working through books of the Bible, following a lectionary, and choosing topical series each produce a different diet. Ask what was preached last month rather than what the practice is in principle.
What are the positions here on women in leadership, sexuality, and baptism?
Why ask it
Churches vary widely and many avoid stating a position until a visitor is committed. A leader who answers plainly, even in a way you dislike, is easier to trust than one who redirects to a website.
Who makes decisions here, and who can overturn them?
Why ask it
Congregational, elder-led and denominationally governed churches behave very differently when something goes wrong. Ask for the actual bodies and roles rather than the label for the polity.
How much money came in last year, and where did it go?
Why ask it
Ask whether accounts are published, who audits them, and who can authorize spending alone. Reluctance to discuss figures with a prospective member is itself the answer.
How is your own salary and housing set, and by whom?
Why ask it
An uncomfortable question that good leaders expect. What you are checking is whether a body independent of the pastor sets pastoral pay, or whether the arrangement is self-approved.
What is your safeguarding policy for children and vulnerable adults?
Why ask it
Ask who is background checked, who trains volunteers, how often, and where a concern goes if it involves a leader. Churches with real practice are pleased to be asked this.
Who holds you accountable, and how would I raise a concern about you?
Why ask it
Ask for a route that does not pass through the person you are speaking to. If there is not one, or if it goes only to close friends of the leadership, note that and weigh it.
What is expected of a member here that a visitor would not guess?
Why ask it
Unwritten expectations do the real work: attendance frequency, giving, a covenant to sign, a course to complete, a group to join. Better to hear them now than to discover them by failing to meet them.
What do you do when a member is in crisis: illness, money trouble, a marriage failing?
Why ask it
Ask for a recent example without names. Churches with real pastoral practice have rotas, a benevolence fund and someone whose job it is; others have good intentions and a prayer list.
What does care look like when a need lasts years rather than weeks?
Why ask it
Almost every church responds well for a fortnight. Long-term illness, disability, caring responsibilities and chronic mental illness are where support quietly stops, and where an honest leader will say so.
What is here for children and teenagers, and who runs it?
Why ask it
Ask about the ratio of paid staff to volunteers and how long the current youth leader has been in post. Turnover in that role matters more to a teenager than the size of the program.
Has anyone left this church unhappy in the last few years, and what happened?
Why ask it
Every church has these stories. What you are testing is whether leadership can describe a departure without contempt, and whether anyone reached out afterwards.
How would you describe the people who go here?
Why ask it
Listen for whether they describe the congregation as it is, including its age skew and its gaps, or as they hope it will be. Then look around on Sunday and check.
What is this church known for locally, and who outside it would confirm that?
Why ask it
Community reputation is checkable, which is what makes the follow-up useful. A church that cannot name a single outside body it works with is describing an intention, not a presence.
What is the hardest thing about leading here at the moment?
Why ask it
A generous question that usually gets a genuine answer: money, tiredness, a difficult faction, declining attendance. Evasion here, from someone who has otherwise been open, is worth noticing.
What have you changed your mind about?
Why ask it
Distinguishes a considered position from an inherited one, and it shows whether disagreement is survivable in this leadership. Nothing coming to mind is itself an answer.
What kind of person does not thrive here?
Why ask it
The most useful question available to a visitor. A thoughtful answer names a real fit issue, such as people wanting anonymity or a different tradition; "everyone is welcome here" declines the question.
Would it be alright if I just attended quietly for six months?
Why ask it
Tests the pressure to commit. Watch whether the answer respects it, or immediately proposes a course, a group and a serving rota, which tells you how the next few years would go.
Choosing a Church Without Guessing
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Ask
Ask for the meeting rather than catching them on Sunday
Most pastors will give a visitor half an hour on a weekday and will answer far more candidly than in the ten minutes after a service, when they are being pulled in six directions and are still tired from preaching.
Ask leaders and members the same questions
Take three or four of these to a leader and the same ones to people in the pews. On expectations, how long belonging takes, and what happens in a crisis, the two answers regularly differ, and the gap is the finding.
Ask for documents, not summaries
Accounts, safeguarding policy, membership covenant and statement of faith. A church that hands these over without hesitation has already told you a great deal about how it operates.
Give it six visits before deciding
A first visit measures the welcome, which is the part most churches are best at. Weeks four to six show you an ordinary Sunday, a dull sermon, and whether anybody remembers your name unprompted.
Say plainly if you are coming from a bad experience
If you have left a church that was controlling or that mishandled a complaint, say so and watch the response. Curiosity and patience are good signs; a fast reassurance or criticism of the previous church is not.
What to Watch Rather Than Ask
- Who speaks in meetings and who defers. Leadership that never disagrees in front of others is either unusually unified or unsafe to disagree in.
- Whether the same family holds several key roles, and who signs the checks.
- How former members are described when they come up in conversation.
- Whether children's workers are visibly checked in and out of rooms, and whether adults can wander into them.
- Whether anyone tells you the church's problems unprompted. A congregation where nobody will is usually managing an image.
- How long you can attend before somebody asks you to serve, and how the request is worded.
Common Pitfalls
Deciding on the preaching alone
A good speaker is the easiest thing to evaluate and the least predictive of your next ten years. Governance, safeguarding, pastoral practice and how the church treats people who leave will matter far more.
Not asking about money because it feels rude
Asking how a church spends its income is a normal question for anyone considering giving to it. Churches that handle money well expect it; those that do not will show you something in how they respond.
Mistaking an intense welcome for belonging
Some churches are excellent at week one and thin thereafter. Ask members how long it took them to feel known, and treat any answer under three months with mild suspicion.
Skipping the safeguarding question because you do not have children
How an institution protects the people with least power is the clearest available signal about the institution. Ask it whether or not it affects you directly.