Questions to Ask Ministry Leaders
Questions for a real conversation with a pastor, a youth leader, or the volunteer who hosts your midweek group. If you came for questions to ask your small group leader, the third section is that list: what the group is for, what stays in the room, and how to say it is not working for you. The rest of the 53 questions cover the role itself, the leader's own faith, who decides things and how children are kept safe, and how to raise something serious.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
The role
How did you end up leading here?
Why ask it
A pastor's answer tends to run through a call, an appointment or a move, and a group leader's is often that somebody asked and no one else said yes. Both versions tell you how much of this was chosen.
Do you do this full time, or alongside another job?
Why ask it
Youth leaders are often volunteers, and the person hosting a small group usually is, with a day job on either side of it. Knowing which you are talking to changes what it is fair to ask of them, and at what hour.
What does a normal week look like for you?
Why ask it
From the pews the week looks like Sunday and a talk to write. What gets described is more likely to include a funeral, a budget spreadsheet, a broken boiler, and long stretches of waiting for people to return a message.
What part of this work still gives you energy?
Why ask it
Leaders get asked about the burden constantly and about the pleasure almost never. Notice whether the answer is a task, like preparing a talk, or a kind of person, like teenagers or the newly bereaved.
What about this work did you not expect when you started?
Why ask it
The answer is whatever the training, or the person who talked them into it, left out. Expect something unglamorous, such as paperwork, criticism that lands personally, or conversations that never reach an ending.
How do you decide what to preach or teach on next?
Why ask it
You find out whether teaching follows a lectionary, a planned series, or Thursday's inspiration. It also reveals who else has a say in what gets said from the front.
Which part of the role would you hand to someone else tomorrow if you could?
Why ask it
Do not expect preaching or teaching. It is more likely to be the rota, the fundraising or refereeing a disagreement, and hearing it named tells you what is wearing this person down.
How do you rest, and does a day off actually stay off?
Why ask it
Sunday is a working day for church staff, so rest has to be put somewhere else in the week, and a volunteer has no official day off from the group at all. The candid version usually involves a phone that never gets switched off.
How long do you expect to be in this role?
Why ask it
Volunteer leaders often serve for a term or a season, and in some denominations a pastor is appointed for a fixed number of years. Members tend to hear about a move only when it is announced, so asking is how you learn whether to expect the same person in two years.
What needs doing here that nobody volunteers for?
Why ask it
You get the real gap in place of the advertised one: counting the offering, locking up, driving someone to appointments, sitting with a person others avoid. It lands better than a general offer to help, which leaves the leader to think up a task for you.
Their faith
How did you come to faith in the first place?
Why ask it
It is a simple thing to ask, and many members have never heard the story, least of all from a leader who arrived from another town. You learn whether they grew up inside this tradition or chose it as an adult, which shapes how they hear a newcomer's doubts.
What are you reading or studying right now for yourself, not for a talk?
Why ask it
This separates people who still read for their own sake from people who read only to produce material. If nothing comes to mind, that is worth noticing without making a point of it.
What does prayer look like for you on an ordinary weekday?
Why ask it
The weekday is the point: praying in public comes with the position, and praying alone does not. Replies range from a set daily office to ten minutes in a parked car, and the plain ones tend to be the true ones.
Which passage or story do you keep coming back to?
Why ask it
Nearly every leader has one, and it is seldom the one they teach most. Follow up by asking when it first mattered, because what comes back is usually a year and a circumstance, not a doctrine.
Who do you go to when you need a pastor yourself?
Why ask it
Leaders are often the only person in the room with nobody above them pastorally. Naming a specific person, a spiritual director, or a peer group indicates something healthy; a general answer usually means no one.
When did your own faith last feel thin, and what did you do about it?
Why ask it
Asked one to one, with no audience, this is easier to answer honestly than you might expect, and a real answer does more for a doubter than a sermon on doubt. If they cannot answer, consider whether the setting made honesty costly.
What do you do when someone asks you something you don't have an answer for?
Why ask it
Watch for whether the answer includes saying so out loud. Leaders who never admit a gap tend to lead communities where nobody admits their questions either.
What's a belief you've changed your mind about?
Why ask it
Genuine revisions come with reasons and usually with a cost: a friendship, a job, an argument at a family table. Someone who has never revised anything has either stopped thinking or is being careful with you.
How do you tell the difference between a conviction and your own preference?
Why ask it
This is a question about self-suspicion, and good answers describe an actual test: a text, a tradition, a trusted critic, the passage of time. Confidence with no test behind it is the answer to be wary of.
Small group
What do you hope this group is for someone a year from now?
Why ask it
Groups drift between Bible study, friendship and mutual support without anyone deciding. Your small group leader's picture of a good year tells you which of the three this one is meant to be, and whether that matches why you came.
How do you choose what we study, and can the group suggest something?
Why ask it
Some groups follow the Sunday sermon, some work through a published study, and some leave it to the leader. Find out which before you propose a book, since a church-wide curriculum may not be theirs to change.
How much do you want us to prepare before we meet?
Why ask it
Leaders tend to assume the reading was done and members tend to assume it was optional, and both go home slightly annoyed. A plain reply, one chapter or nothing at all, settles it.
What stays in the room, and what would you pass on to a pastor?
Why ask it
Most groups promise that what is shared stays there and never discuss the exceptions. A group leader may be expected to tell church staff about a crisis or a safety concern, so learn where the line sits before you need it.
How do you handle it when one person does most of the talking?
Why ask it
Every group has had this member, so the leader will have a view and probably a tactic. It also gives you a way to find out, without any drama, whether the person is you.
What would you like the quieter people in the group to know?
Why ask it
Quiet members often assume they have gone unnoticed, or that the silence is being judged. More often the leader is unsure whether to call on someone or leave them in peace, and saying which you prefer solves it in one sentence.
What should I do when I disagree with something said in the group?
Why ask it
The choice is between saying so in the room, raising it with the leader afterwards, or letting it pass, and leaders differ a great deal on which they would prefer. Ask on an ordinary week, because it is hard to ask calmly on the evening you are sitting on your hands.
How would you want me to tell you if the group isn't working for me?
Why ask it
The usual way out of a small group is to stop turning up, which is the hardest feedback a volunteer can receive. Agreeing beforehand on how to say it makes it possible to stay and fix something, or to go without awkwardness in the church foyer.
What do you find hardest about leading us?
Why ask it
Save this for a one-to-one moment, not the meeting. The usual candidates are silence after a question, patchy attendance and never knowing whether anyone gets anything out of the evening, and a member can help with all three.
Who helps you lead, and who covers when you can't make it?
Why ask it
A group that rests on one person ends when that person falls ill or moves away. If there is no co-leader or host, this is your opening to offer a single piece of it: the snacks, the reminder message, one week of leading the discussion.
What happens with prayer requests after we leave?
Why ask it
In one group they go into a notebook, in another into a group chat, and in many they are gone by the car park. Whether the leader follows up midweek tells you how much to say out loud, and whether a message on Thursday is likely.
Could we get a coffee sometime, away from the group?
Why ask it
For many churchgoers the small group leader is the most reachable leader they have, and coffee is rarely refused. Mention the subject when you ask, so they are not left wondering for a week whether something is wrong. If you are under 18, expect a public place or a second adult nearby, which is the church's rule and not a brush-off.
Is it all right to bring a friend along, or should I check with you first?
Why ask it
An open door sounds like the obvious answer, but a group in the middle of something personal may want a week's notice before a stranger sits in. Some churches also close their groups for a term, in which case the leader is not the one who decides.
When the group gets too big or too settled, what's the plan?
Why ask it
Churches handle this differently: a full group is split in two, or closed to newcomers, or every group ends after a set term and re-forms. Hearing the plan now is easier than hearing it on the night it is announced.
Decisions
Who decides where the money goes and what gets on the calendar?
Why ask it
Budgets and calendars expose priorities more reliably than mission statements. Ask who signs off on what, and whether members get to see the accounts, which varies a good deal from one denomination to the next.
Who do you answer to, and how often do you actually meet?
Why ask it
A youth leader may report to a senior pastor, a pastor to elders, a board or a bishop, and a group leader to a staff coordinator. The second half is the real test, because a reporting line that never meets is not oversight.
Who tells you when you're wrong, and when did it last happen?
Why ask it
Accountability on paper and a person willing to say the words are separate things. A recent example with some detail in it is a good sign, and a long pause that ends in nothing has told you something too.
How are leaders and volunteers chosen and checked, especially those working with children?
Why ask it
Ask for the actual steps: an application, references, a background check, a waiting period before serving. What the law requires differs by country and state, so ask what the rule is where this church is and whether it goes further.
What are the rules on an adult being alone with a young person, or messaging one privately?
Why ask it
Many churches and denominations have a written safeguarding or child protection policy, and a youth leader should be able to give you its main points without looking them up. The details differ by church and by country, so ask to read the written version and how new volunteers are taken through it.
What have you stopped doing as a ministry, and how was that decided?
Why ask it
Programs are easy to start and very hard to end, since each one has somebody who loves it. A leader who can name something that closed, and who made the call, has described how a difficult decision really moves here.
How do you find out what people here think, beyond the ones who speak up?
Why ask it
A few confident voices shape most leaders' sense of a congregation. Home visits, a yearly survey and a habit of asking the back row all count as answers; a general trust that people would say something is a thinner one.
Where do you think we're getting it wrong as a community?
Why ask it
This gives permission to be self-critical, and the answer separates leaders who see problems from leaders who only hear complaints. Expect a pause before anything worth hearing.
What are you hoping this ministry looks like in three years?
Why ask it
Three years is close enough to be concrete. Pay attention to whether the hope is counted in attendance, in buildings or in particular people, and whether another leader here would describe the same thing.
Hard things
What do people most often come to you with, and what do they usually need?
Why ask it
The pattern tells you what the community is quietly carrying: money, marriage, grief, addiction, loneliness. It also shows whether this leader sees themselves as a fixer or a companion.
If I needed to raise something serious with you, how should I do it?
Why ask it
Easy to answer and it saves weeks of hesitation. Many leaders have a firm preference between a text, an email, and knocking on the office door, and almost none of them announce it.
What have you learned about carrying other people's confidences?
Why ask it
Confidentiality is heavier than it looks. Honest answers mention knowing things at a party, or the strain it puts on a marriage, and they also tell you how safe your own disclosures would be.
If my teenager told you something in confidence, what would you bring to me?
Why ask it
A youth leader who repeats everything loses the teenager, and one who repeats nothing can leave a parent in the dark about something serious. Where the line sits is set partly by the church's safeguarding policy and partly by the law where you live, so ask this leader how it works here.
When is something beyond what you can help with, and who do you send people to?
Why ask it
Pastors and group leaders are not usually trained counsellors, and the wise ones know where their competence stops. Ask for specifics: a counsellor they trust, a doctor, a helpline, someone in the denomination.
Without naming anyone, what's the hardest conversation this role has asked of you?
Why ask it
Framed this way it is answerable without breaching a confidence, and the answer shows what the role costs. Do not be surprised if it turns out to be confronting a friend and not any public crisis.
When someone stops coming, what do you do?
Why ask it
People mostly leave a church without saying so, and the leader is left guessing why. Listen for whether the answer includes getting in touch, and whether they treat someone moving city differently from someone who walked out.
How do you respond when someone disagrees with you openly?
Why ask it
Request a story, not a principle. Whether the other person in it is still part of the church, and the tone the leader takes in describing them, will say more than any stated policy on disagreement.
If I had a concern about another leader, who would I take it to?
Why ask it
You are hoping for a named person or body that is not that leader's close friend or relative. If the only route runs back through the person concerned, far better to discover it on a calm day than in the middle of a problem. Where a child's safety is involved, ask what the route outside the church is as well, since who you report to depends on where you live.
What do you wish people asked you instead of how you're doing?
Why ask it
The pleasantry works as armor, and this removes it politely. Answers often point at a specific loneliness in the role that nobody thinks to name.
How can I pray for you this month, specifically?
Why ask it
Leaders hear the general version as a courtesy and reply with one. A time frame and a request for one particular thing tend to draw out a real item, and going back four weeks later to ask how it went is what makes the offer mean something.
Talking with the people who lead your community
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Which questions suit which leader
Your small group leader
Start in the Small group section and add two or three from Their faith. Leave the Decisions questions about budgets and reporting lines for church staff: a volunteer host usually has no say over either and will feel put on the spot.
A youth leader
Parents get most from the Decisions questions on how volunteers are checked, the rules on one-to-one contact and who the leader answers to, then the Hard things question on what a teenager's confidence covers. A teenager asking for themselves will do better with Their faith, where a straight answer from an adult is rarer than it should be.
A pastor or member of staff
All five sections apply, which is the reason to choose. Six or seven questions fill an hour, so take The role or Their faith for a first coffee and keep Decisions and Hard things for a meeting you have booked for that purpose.
A leader you have only just met
Stay in The role. Asking a stranger when their faith last felt thin, or who tells them they are wrong, reads as an audit, while the same words a year into knowing each other read as care.
Setting the conversation up
Ask for a time instead of catching them afterward
The ten minutes after a service are the worst ten minutes of the week for any real conversation. A short scheduled meeting produces a completely different quality of answer.
Take a group leader aside, not the group's time
A question about how the group runs lands badly in the middle of the meeting, where the leader has to answer in front of everyone it concerns. Arrive ten minutes early, stay to help stack the chairs, or send a message midweek asking for a coffee.
Say what you want from the conversation
Advice, a listening ear, a doctrinal answer, and a complaint all call for different responses. Naming which one you have brought saves both of you from mismatched effort.
Ask about practice, not only position
Most leaders can state a position fluently because they have done it many times. Asking what they actually do on a Tuesday, or last month, gets past the prepared version.
Come back with what happened
Leaders rarely hear how their advice turned out, which is part of why the work is wearing. Returning with the outcome makes the next conversation markedly more candid.
What gets in the way
Using a leader as a search engine
Plenty of questions have answers you can look up. Spending the first half of a meeting on those uses the time you wanted for the questions only this person can answer.
Softening a hard question into vagueness
Doubt, money, sexuality, a death in the family: leaders field these constantly and are usually less shocked than you expect. A question blurred out of politeness gets a blurred answer.
Mistaking access for intimacy
A leader may come to know a great deal about you and tell you very little back. That lopsidedness belongs to the role and is no verdict on you, so do not read their reserve as coolness.
Asking for a confidence they cannot keep
A leader may be required, by church policy or by law, to pass on anything involving harm to a child or a vulnerable adult, and the rule differs by country, state and denomination. If you need something kept completely private, ask what they would have to report before you start.
Threads worth following
- Who taught them the way they lead, and what they took from that person
- Which part of the tradition they find hardest to hold
- What they would do with an unexpected free day
- How they decide when to say no to a request
- What they have changed in the last year, and what prompted it
- Who in the community they think is being overlooked