Questions to Ask Host Family
For exchange students, au pairs and anyone moving into a host family's home. These questions cover names and introductions, meals and the kitchen, chores, curfew, guests, money, getting to school or work, and how the family would rather be told when something is not working.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What should I call you, and how do you introduce me to other people?
Why ask it
Ask early and the whole first week gets easier, since guessing between a first name and something more formal is awkward in both directions. How they introduce you, as a guest, a student or part of the family, also tells you how much of family life they expect you to join.
Who lives here, and what does everyone's week normally look like?
Why ask it
Work shifts, school runs, a grandparent who visits on Sundays and a sibling who sleeps late explain most of the house's rhythms. It also tells you when the bathroom is busy and when the kitchen is free, which is what actually causes friction.
What time does the house usually get up and go to bed?
Why ask it
Households vary far more than people expect, and a family that is quiet by nine has different expectations from one that eats at ten. Knowing both ends lets you avoid the classic first week mistake of showering or cooking at the wrong hour.
What are meals like here: who cooks, when do you eat, and do you want everyone at the table?
Why ask it
In some homes dinner together is the main daily event and skipping it reads as rejection; in others everyone eats separately. Ask directly, because a student who assumes wrong looks either rude or oddly formal for weeks.
Is there food I should ask about before taking, and are there things your family does not eat?
Why ask it
The pantry usually has both categories: things anyone can have, and things bought for a specific person or meal. Religious, medical and preference based restrictions matter here too, and hearing them now prevents a genuinely uncomfortable moment later.
Can I cook for myself, and use the kitchen whenever I want?
Why ask it
Cooking something from home is one of the easiest ways to settle in, and it is also the fastest way to annoy a host who did not expect their pans used at midnight. Ask what to clean, where to put things back, and whether some appliances are off limits.
Which rooms are mine, and which are shared?
Why ask it
Beyond the bedroom, you want to know about the living room in the evening, the desk, the bathroom shelf and whether a door being closed means do not knock. Ask whether anyone comes into your room, since expectations about that differ widely between households.
What chores would you like me to do?
Why ask it
Hosts often hesitate to ask and then quietly resent it, so raising it yourself starts the arrangement well. Ask for specific tasks rather than an offer to help, because a named job you do reliably counts for far more than a general willingness.
How does laundry work here?
Why ask it
This is small and comes up in week one: which machine, which day, whether you do your own, where things dry and what is never put in a dryer. In homes without a dryer or with a shared machine, the schedule matters more than you would think.
What time should I be home on a weeknight, and is the weekend different?
Why ask it
Ask for a time rather than a principle. Hosts of a minor may have obligations from your program, and even where nobody sets a curfew they usually still want to know when to stop waiting up.
How should I let you know if I am going to be late or out for dinner?
Why ask it
Naming the method, a message to one person, a note on the counter, a call, prevents the most common source of worry in host families. Ask how much notice they want, since a cook who has already started dinner needs more than an hour.
Can I have friends over, and is anyone allowed to stay the night?
Why ask it
Answers range from anyone anytime to daytime visits only, and the rules for a partner are usually different from the rules for a friend. Asking before the first invitation is much easier than apologizing after it.
How do you feel about phones and laptops at the table, or in the evening?
Why ask it
Screen habits are the most frequent quiet complaint hosts make about guests, and most will never raise it directly. A short answer here tells you whether the evening is shared time or free time.
How will I get to school or work, and is anyone driving me?
Why ask it
Establish whether a lift is a favor or a routine, since a host doing a twenty minute drive twice a day will burn out on it. Ask about the bus route, a bicycle, and what to do when a lift is not available.
What is already paid for, and what should I be paying for myself?
Why ask it
Program fees cover different things in different arrangements: food, transport, internet, laundry, toiletries, phone. Getting the line clear early avoids both accidentally taking more than intended and paying twice for the same thing.
Are there rules about smoking, drinking or parties I should know about now?
Why ask it
Better asked plainly than discovered by accident, and the house rule may be stricter than local law or your program's rules. Ask about the garden and the balcony too, since those are where the assumptions differ.
What should I do in an emergency, and who do I call first?
Why ask it
You want the local emergency number, a phone number for each host, the home address written down, and where the spare key, first aid kit and fuse box are. In a new country the address is the detail people cannot produce under stress.
If something I do bothers you, how would you rather tell me?
Why ask it
This gives the family permission to correct you, which many hosts will not do unprompted with a guest. It works because most host family placements go wrong through small unspoken irritations rather than any single event.
Have you hosted before, and has it ever gone badly?
Why ask it
An honest answer tells you what they are quietly watching for: a previous guest who never came out of their room, or one who treated the house like a hotel. Hosts who can describe a difficult placement have usually thought about what they want to do differently.
Is there anything about your family or the neighborhood I should know that I would not think to ask?
Why ask it
Left open at the end, this is where the specifics arrive: a relative who is unwell, a dog that gets out, a neighbor who complains, a street to avoid at night. It is the one question that catches whatever the earlier nineteen missed.
Settling Into a Host Family's Home
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
The First Week
Ask in the first days, not the third week
In the first days, questions read as respect. Three weeks in, the same question suggests you have been getting it wrong the whole time. Pick a calm moment, say plainly that you would rather ask than guess, and go through several at once.
Write the answers down
Bin day, laundry day, the wifi password, curfew, who drives when, the emergency numbers, the home address. You will be told all of it in one conversation and will remember about half. A note in your phone spares everyone the repeat.
Watch what the family actually does
Shoes at the door, dishes left to drain or dried immediately, doors open or closed, how loudly people talk in the evening. Most household rules are never spoken because nobody in the family knows they are rules. Copying is faster than asking about every one.
Things That Make a Guest Easy to Live With
- Take one visible job and do it without being reminded, such as clearing the table or taking the bins out.
- Say when you will be back, and send a message if that changes.
- Come out of your room in the evening at least some of the time, even when you are tired.
- Replace what you finish, and say so if you break something.
- Learn the names of the extended family and the pets.
- Cook something from home for the family once you know your way around the kitchen.
- Say thank you for specific things rather than in general.
When Something Is Not Working
Raise small things while they are still small
Not enough hot water, a room that is too cold, feeling hungry between meals, a sibling coming into your room. Most hosts will fix these immediately if told. Left for two months, the same items become the reason a placement ends badly.
Use your coordinator for anything you cannot say directly
Exchange programs and au pair agencies assign a local contact for exactly this. Involving them early is normal and not an escalation, and they have usually heard the same issue from other students in the same town.
Know which concerns are not negotiable
Not being given enough food, being asked to work hours far beyond your agreement, being charged for what your program already covers, or anything that makes you feel unsafe. Report these to your program rather than trying to sort them out inside the house.