Questions to Ask Mexicans
Questions for a conversation with someone who is Mexican or Mexican-American, whether a new colleague, a friend's family, or someone you have just met. They stay on their own life, region, and family rather than asking them to answer on behalf of an entire country.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Where in Mexico are you or your family from?
Why ask it
The single most useful opening question, because almost everything else varies by region. It also lets them decide how much of their own history to bring in, which is better than you guessing whether they were born there.
What is that part of the country known for that outsiders never hear about?
Why ask it
Invites specifics instead of national generalities, and people tend to enjoy correcting a blank. Expect answers about a local dish, an industry, a dialect, or a festival that does not travel.
What is the food like where you are from, and how is it different from what gets sold as Mexican food here?
Why ask it
Regional cooking differs enormously and most people abroad have only met one flattened version of it. The comparison usually produces the most animated answer in any conversation like this, and often a restaurant recommendation.
Who does the cooking in your family, and what dish would they never let anyone else make?
Why ask it
Moves from culture to a specific kitchen and a specific person. The protected dish is usually the one that takes longest or carries the most family history, and it gives you a name to ask about later.
Is there a word you grew up using that Mexicans from other states say differently?
Why ask it
Regional vocabulary is a running joke inside Mexico and rarely something outsiders ask about. It signals you understand the country is not uniform, and the examples are usually funny enough to keep the conversation moving.
Which words do you switch to Spanish for, even mid-sentence in English?
Why ask it
Bilingual people usually have a specific set: food, family terms, swearing, the words for feelings. What stays in Spanish tends to be what was learned at home rather than at school.
What music was on in the house when you were growing up?
Why ask it
Gets you a household rather than a genre, and the answer is often not what an outsider expects. Ask who was playing it, since the answer is usually a parent or a grandparent and leads somewhere more personal.
How does your family mark a birthday, a wedding, or a funeral?
Why ask it
Practices differ between families, states, and generations far more than any general description of tradition suggests. Asking about all three gives them room to pick the one they actually want to talk about.
Is there something your grandmother used to say that you catch yourself repeating?
Why ask it
More specific than asking for a favorite saying, and it tends to produce the exact phrasing with the accent attached. Sayings passed down this way often carry a piece of family history with them.
What do you miss that you cannot get here?
Why ask it
Answers range from a brand of bread to a particular smell in the morning to a way of speaking to strangers. The small physical things people name usually say more about home than an account of traditions would.
How often do you go back, and what is the first thing you do when you arrive?
Why ask it
The first-thing detail is where the real answer sits: a specific taco stand, a person's house, a cemetery, the drive from the airport. Be ready for the answer that they cannot go back, and let them steer if so.
What do people here assume about Mexico that would make someone at home laugh?
Why ask it
Framing it as amusement rather than offense makes it easy to answer honestly. Common territory includes assumptions about weather, about how spicy food is, and about which cities are big.
What did you find yourself explaining over and over when you first arrived here?
Why ask it
This is the repetition that wears people down, and naming it is often a relief. It also tells you which questions not to ask, because you will hear exactly what everyone else already asked.
Is there something about life here you found genuinely better, and something you found worse?
Why ask it
Asking for both prevents the polite answer. People are usually candid once given permission to name a downside, and the downside is frequently something an outsider would never guess, like the pace of small talk.
How do you feel when someone starts speaking Spanish at you, assuming you will be pleased?
Why ask it
A question worth asking before you do it. Reactions genuinely differ: some people welcome it, some find it presumptuous, and some are asked constantly whether they speak Spanish at all.
What is the question you are most tired of being asked?
Why ask it
Direct, self-aware, and usually appreciated. It also protects the rest of your conversation, because you will hear which topic to leave alone for good.
How is your Spanish different from the Spanish taught in classrooms here?
Why ask it
Textbook Spanish is often based on other varieties, and the differences in pronoun use, vocabulary, and formality are real. This is a question they are more expert in than any teacher you have had.
What are you passing on to your children, or what would you want to?
Why ask it
Language, food, and religion are the usual answers, and the ranking is revealing. Many people describe losing something between generations, which is a candid thing to be trusted with.
Which part of Mexico do you want to see that you never have?
Why ask it
Turns the conversation from heritage to curiosity, and reminds both of you that no one has seen their own country entirely. It usually gets you a place name you have never heard of and a reason.
What should I read, watch, or listen to that would change my picture of Mexico?
Why ask it
Ends by asking them to hand you something rather than explain themselves. Write down what they say and come back to it later, since following up on a recommendation is what turns a pleasant conversation into a real acquaintance.
Having the conversation well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Ask about their life, not about a nation
One person is not a country
Questions that begin with why do Mexicans put someone in the position of speaking for millions of people, and the answer will be careful and dull. Ask what they do, what their family does, or what happens where they grew up.
Region first
Mexico is enormous and internally varied, and a person from Monterrey, Oaxaca, and Mexico City will describe different food, different weather, different accents, and different politics. Getting the region early makes every later question sharper.
Mexican and Mexican-American are not the same
Someone born and raised in the United States has a different relationship to all of this than a recent arrival, and being treated as a foreigner is a familiar irritation. Let them define the connection rather than assuming it.
Offer something back
Answer your own questions as you go: where your family is from, what your grandmother said, what you cook badly. A conversation with reciprocity feels different from an interview, and the answers get longer.
Leave these alone unless they raise them
- Immigration status, papers, or how anyone in their family arrived. It is a legal matter with real consequences and it is not conversation.
- Cartels and violence. Almost everyone gets asked, most people are tired of it, and some have lost someone.
- Asking them to translate something, to teach you a phrase on the spot, or to say something in Spanish for your amusement.
- Comparisons that rank the two countries, including compliments framed as surprise that somewhere is nicer than you expected.
- Guessing that they speak Spanish, or that they do not. Ask, or wait.
- Politics in either country, unless they open the subject and you are prepared to listen more than you talk.
Small things that help
- Learn to pronounce their name as they say it, and ask again if you did not catch it. This matters more than any question on the list.
- If you attempt Spanish, do it briefly and let them switch back. Practicing at length on someone who is trying to have a conversation is a chore for them.
- Take the food answer seriously. If they name a dish or a place, go, and tell them what you thought.
- Notice when an answer gets shorter. That is usually the sign to move to a different subject rather than to probe further.
- Follow up later. Remembering their state, their grandmother's saying, or the band they mentioned is what separates interest from curiosity.