Questions to Ask on Snapchat
Questions for talking to someone you have recently added on Snapchat, from openers that fit a two-line reply to ones worth saving until you have been messaging for a while.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How did we end up added on here?
Why ask it
Worth clearing up early, because half of new adds come through a mutual friend, a group, or a suggestion nobody remembers accepting. The answer sets what you can reasonably assume about each other, and it saves the conversation being built on a wrong guess.
What's your day been like so far?
Why ask it
Plain and easy, and the length of the reply is the useful part: a sentence means they are happy to talk, a single word means they are being polite. Ask it in the afternoon, since 'nothing yet' is all you get in the morning.
Are you more of a snapper or a chatter?
Why ask it
Saves weeks of mismatch, because some people never type and some never open the camera. If they say photos, stop sending paragraphs; if they say chat, stop expecting selfies and read nothing into the absence.
What do you do when you're not on your phone?
Why ask it
Wider than asking about hobbies and easier to answer honestly, since work, family, and lying on the sofa all count. Notice whether the answer includes other people, which tells you how much of their time is actually free.
What's the last thing you did that was properly fun?
Why ask it
The word 'properly' rules out scrolling, so you get a real event with a date attached. If nothing comes to mind for weeks back, that is worth knowing before you suggest anything ambitious.
What time do you usually go to sleep?
Why ask it
Practical rather than nosy: it tells you when messages will land and stops you reading a slow overnight reply as disinterest. It also flags the person who is awake at three in the morning, which usually means shift work or trouble sleeping.
What are you like first thing in the morning?
Why ask it
Nobody is at their best, so this is an easy confession and the answers are funny. It also quietly covers whether they live with anyone, since morning routines tend to involve other people.
What's the thing your friends always ask you for?
Why ask it
Lets someone describe their role without boasting: the driver, the one with a spare charger, the one who tells the truth. Someone who says nobody asks them for anything has told you something significant, so tread carefully with it.
Who's the funniest person you know, and what did they last do?
Why ask it
The second half is what makes this work, because it forces a story rather than a name. You also learn who is central in their life, which is more useful than asking directly about their friends.
What's the most spontaneous thing you've done this year?
Why ask it
The answers sort people into planners and improvisers quickly, and both are fine to know about. A struggle to answer usually means a year of work and obligations rather than a dull personality.
What's your worst habit on here: leaving people on read, or opening and never replying?
Why ask it
Naming the options makes it a joke instead of an accusation, and everyone picks one. It also gives you a reference point later, so a slow reply is a known habit rather than a mystery to worry about.
What's something you're better at than you let on?
Why ask it
The phrasing gives permission to claim something, which a direct question about skills does not. Expect a slower reply here, since it is the first question in this set that cannot be answered from the sofa in two seconds.
What's something that would surprise people about you?
Why ask it
Broad enough that anyone can answer and specific enough to produce a real fact: an instrument, a job they used to do, a fear. If they ask what you mean, offer your own answer rather than explaining the question.
What did you think of me before we started talking?
Why ask it
Only send this once there is some warmth in the thread, and be ready for a genuine answer rather than a compliment. Handled lightly it usually moves things forward; asked too early it reads as fishing for reassurance.
What's something you'd rather do with someone than on your own?
Why ask it
A soft way toward suggesting a plan, since the answer is effectively a list of things they would accept an invitation to. Whether they name something specific or keep it hypothetical tells you how ready they are.
What's taking up most of your head space at the moment?
Why ask it
Allows something difficult to be mentioned without you having asked about problems. The reply is either honest or deflected with a joke, and both are worth respecting rather than pushing past.
Is there a conversation you keep having with yourself?
Why ask it
Unusual phrasing, so it gets thought rather than a reflex, and what comes back is usually a decision they are stuck on. This is the point in a thread where you should stop asking questions and start listening properly.
What are you hoping for out of talking to people on here?
Why ask it
The awkward question that saves time, and it is far better asked at three weeks than at three months. Any clear answer is useful, including one that does not match yours.
What's something you want to change in the next year?
Why ask it
Turns the conversation forward, which matters if the last few exchanges have been heavy. Specific answers usually mean they have already decided and have told very few people, so it is worth remembering what they said.
Do you want to keep this on here, or swap numbers?
Why ask it
Asking directly is better than hinting for a fortnight, and it is a reasonable question once you are talking most days. A no is not necessarily a rejection: plenty of people keep a deliberate boundary between apps and their phone number.
Getting to know someone in a disappearing thread
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
The format shapes the conversation
Snapchat is built for volume rather than depth: messages vanish, the camera opens first, and the interface rewards frequency. That makes it good for keeping a low-level connection warm and bad for anything you will want to remember. Expect a rhythm of many small exchanges rather than a few long ones, and do not read a short reply as a verdict. If you find yourself wanting to reread what somebody said, that is a sign the conversation has outgrown the app.
Pacing it
- 1First few days: one question at a time, answered by you too. Anything from the top third of this list works.
- 2First fortnight: aim for a rhythm rather than a marathon. Two or three exchanges a day beats a two-hour session followed by silence.
- 3Once you are talking most days: the middle questions, about roles, surprises, and what they would rather not do alone.
- 4Only after that: what they are hoping for, what is taking up their head space, and swapping numbers. Asked in the first week these land badly, asked in the fourth they are normal.
- 5At any point: a gap of a few days is not the end of anything. Restart with a photo prompt rather than an explanation.
Reading the signals in an app that hides them
- Opening without replying is the most common habit on Snapchat and usually means distraction, not dismissal. Two in a row means ease off; five means stop.
- Snaps sent to their whole story are not messages to you. Replying to every story is the fastest way to make someone uncomfortable.
- A question back is worth more than a fast reply. If you have asked four things and been asked nothing, let the thread go quiet and see whether they pick it up.
- Voice notes and longer typed replies are the clearest sign the conversation is welcome, and the point at which the slower questions here will work.
Care with a new contact
- Do not ask for photos of them, and do not ask where they live or work. With someone you have not met, both read badly however lightly you phrase it.
- Check your location sharing settings before you add strangers, and assume theirs is not what they think it is.
- Screenshots are visible to the other person, so ask before keeping anything. Screenshotting a private snap without saying so is how trust ends.
- If they are vague about how you got connected, or the answers do not add up, leave it. There is no cost to letting a new add go quiet.
- Anything that needs to be reliable, like an address or a time to meet, belongs in a message that will still exist tomorrow.