Questions to Ask on FaceTime
Questions to ask on FaceTime when the call has connected and neither of you knows what to say next, with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a crush or a friend on the other end. They follow the order an FT call usually takes: easy ones to start, funny and flirty ones, games to play in turns, deeper ones for a late night, and a few for hanging up. Each has a note on what a good answer sounds like or what to do with it, and many use the one thing a video call has that a text doesn't: a camera pointed at their room.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
To start
Where are you right now, and can I get a quick tour of what's behind you?
Why ask it
Start with what a text can't give you: the room they're sitting in. A poster, a messy desk or a pet walking through hands you the next three questions for free. If they tilt the phone away, let it go and ask about their day.
What were you doing in the five minutes before you picked up?
Why ask it
'What's up' gets 'nothing', and this gets a paused game, half a bowl of cereal or an essay they were avoiding. Follow whichever it is, and ask if they need to get back to it so you know how long you have.
What part of today would you fast-forward through, and what part would you replay?
Why ask it
A day sorted into two clips is easier to describe than 'how was your day'. Start with the replay part if they look worn out. When the fast-forward part turns out to be a person, listen first and keep your opinion until they ask for it.
Is this a lying-down call, a walking-around call or a doing-homework call?
Why ask it
Their answer tells you how much of their attention you've got. Walking around means keep it light and quick, homework means quiet company with the odd question, and lying down means they've cleared the evening for you.
Are you somewhere you can talk, or is someone about to walk in?
Why ask it
Ask before anything flirty or personal, not after. A little brother on the same couch means sticking to funny questions and games. 'One sec, let me go to my room' is a good sign: they want this call to themselves.
How long have you got: a quick one, or are we here until somebody's phone dies?
Why ask it
Ten minutes is a perfectly good answer, and it means one question you care about beats five rushed ones. Knowing the limit up front also stops either of you reading a goodbye as boredom.
What are you eating or drinking over there, and is it any good?
Why ask it
There is nearly always a snack just out of frame. Asking to see it is silly enough to loosen a stiff first minute, and a full dinner plate warns you they may be called away soon.
Is there a pet over there, and can I say hi?
Why ask it
A dog lifted up to the lens loosens a stiff call faster than talking does, and you get the animal's name, age and worst habit along the way. No pet? Ask which one they'd have if the decision were theirs alone.
Funny
What's the worst angle you've ever answered a video call from?
Why ask it
Nearly everybody has opened the camera straight up their own chin. Trade stories, then both demonstrate. Someone who will pull an ugly face on camera for you is already comfortable.
What's the strangest thing within arm's reach of you? Hold it up.
Why ask it
It makes them look around and bring something to the lens, which breaks the two-talking-heads feel of a long call. Ask for the story behind the object. If all they've got is a charger, give them ten seconds to go and find something better.
Going only on what you can see behind me, what would you rate my room out of ten?
Why ask it
Turn the phone so they get a fair look, then ask what would earn one more point. Go gently when you score theirs back, because a low mark for a bedroom tends to be heard as a low mark for the person.
Can you do an impression of someone we both know, and can I guess who it is?
Why ask it
Video carries the face and the hand gestures, which do most of the work. Teachers, famous people and friends who would laugh are fair targets. If an impression turns mean, guess fast and take your own turn.
Is there an old school photo of you somewhere in that house, and will you go and get it?
Why ask it
School pictures on a hallway wall beat anything in a camera roll. They choose which one you see, and you don't beg for a second. Have one of your own ready, since this only stays fun while it goes both ways.
What song do you know every word of that you'd be embarrassed to sing right now?
Why ask it
Then ask for one line. A refusal is fine, and singing a line of yours first usually changes their mind. Nobody sounds good through a phone speaker, so no one loses.
What's the longest call you've ever been on, and what on earth was it about?
Why ask it
Plenty of people have a five-hour call they can't explain. You also learn if they enjoy long calls or just put up with them, which is useful before you settle in for the night.
What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you with a camera or a microphone on?
Why ask it
Unmuted at the wrong moment, a parent walking in, a whole class that saw everything. Tell yours as well. If their story makes somebody else look bad, laugh and keep it inside the call.
Flirty
What did you think when my name came up on your screen?
Why ask it
An easy one that mostly gets a smile and a 'finally'. If 'finally' is what you hear, you have been leaving it too long between calls. Say what you were thinking while it rang, too.
What do you like most about talking to me?
Why ask it
Specific is what you're hoping for: 'you remember things', 'you make my boring day sound interesting'. A shy 'I don't know, I just do' counts as well, so don't press for more. Have your own answer ready, because the question comes straight back.
Did you fix your hair before you answered, or is this the real version?
Why ask it
Tease only if you're ready to admit you checked the mirror yourself. Leave it out when they've already said they hate how they look on camera, because then it stops being a joke.
Am I different on camera from how I come across in messages?
Why ask it
Best with a crush you have mostly talked to by text. A good answer is specific, like 'you laugh more than I expected'. 'Quieter' isn't an insult: it is a nudge to bring more of your texting self to the call.
Can I take a screenshot of you right now, yes or no?
Why ask it
Asking is the whole point, because a screenshot taken without a word is how trust on calls gets broken. A yes with a pose is flirting. A no is a no, and respecting it earns you more than the picture would have.
What would we be doing right now if we were in the same room?
Why ask it
The good answers are small and specific: the same show, a walk, stealing your fries. Pick one and promise to do it the next time you're together, so the question ends in a plan and not a sigh.
What's a compliment you've been holding on to because it felt weird to type?
Why ask it
Some things read as too much in a message and land fine out loud with a face attached. Take it with a thank-you, not a joke, and have one of your own ready to give back.
What do you say when someone asks who you're always on the phone with?
Why ask it
For a couple, or two people close to becoming one. Hearing your own name is the good version. 'Nobody' is worth one light 'why nobody?', asked with a smile and without turning the call into a trial.
Who's hanging up first tonight, and how many tries will it take?
Why ask it
The 'no, you hang up' routine is a cliche because people really do it. Bringing it up early says you don't want the call to end, without your having to say exactly that.
When do I get to see you without a screen in the way?
Why ask it
This closes the flirty stretch with something real. Offer a day and a plan, not 'soon'. If distance makes that hard, name the next date you both already know about, even if it is weeks off.
Games
Want to play 20 questions? I'm thinking of something in my room.
Why ask it
Yes-or-no answers only. Choosing something in the room keeps it fair, since they can see part of it and will squint at your background for clues. Swap after each round, and give a hint before the count runs out.
21 questions, taking turns: do you want to ask first or answer first?
Why ask it
Not the guessing game: here you trade questions about each other, 21 in all or until one of you runs dry. Agree on one skip each before you begin, and answer everything you ask, so nobody ends up being interviewed.
Would you rather be stuck on a call with no sound or one with no picture?
Why ask it
A would you rather about the call itself is an easy way into a round of them. Take turns asking, and make 'because' compulsory: the choice takes a second and the reason is the conversation.
This or that, five seconds an answer: are you ready?
Why ask it
Fire off pairs such as pancakes or waffles, window seat or aisle, snow day or beach day. The time limit stops people from answering to impress. Pause on any answer that surprises you and ask about it.
Two truths and a lie: can you tell me all three with a straight face?
Why ask it
On video the face is the game, so watch it and not the story. When it's your turn, a slightly boring lie is harder to catch than a wild one. Keep score across a few rounds, and let the winner pick a question the loser has to answer.
Scavenger hunt: can you find something older than you are and be back in thirty seconds?
Why ask it
Count out loud while they run. For the next rounds try something yellow, something they've had since they were small, and something that has no business being in a bedroom. The story behind each find is worth more than the points.
Truth or dare, call rules: are you in?
Why ask it
Call rules mean a dare has to fit inside the frame and bother nobody else in the house: talk in an accent for two minutes, show the inside of the fridge, balance a book on your head. Each player gets one pass, and nothing gets recorded.
Never have I ever fallen asleep in the middle of a call. Have you?
Why ask it
Five fingers held up to the camera, and one goes down for each thing you've done. Stick to everyday confessions. The first person down to a fist chooses the next game.
Can you guess what I'm drawing before I finish it?
Why ask it
Paper, a pen and a minute a turn, with the page held up to the lens as you go. Being bad at drawing makes it better. The guesser names the next subject, so nobody runs out of ideas.
Staring contest: who laughs or blinks first?
Why ask it
A two-minute reset for when the talking has run dry. The lag makes every result arguable, and the arguing is the fun. It suits a friend as well as a crush, though with a crush it is rarely the blink that ends it.
Which of us is more likely to get lost with the map open?
Why ask it
This starts a round of 'most likely to' for two. On three, each of you points at the camera or at yourself. Agreeing is dull; a split vote is where you both get to argue your case.
Want to pick something to watch and press play at the same second?
Why ask it
For the nights when you want company more than conversation. Count down from three together, and choose something you can talk over. If your app has a built-in way to watch together, check how it works on both phones before you count on it.
Late night
What's been on your mind this week that you haven't said out loud yet?
Why ask it
Leave a pause after asking, since the real answer usually arrives second, after 'nothing really'. If it stays 'nothing', believe them and go somewhere lighter.
What's coming up that you're nervous about?
Why ask it
Listen for the date as well as the worry. Fixing it is not your job tonight; a message on the morning of the test, the game or the appointment will mean more than any advice you could give now.
Who do you miss right now?
Why ask it
A grandparent, a friend who moved, an old team, sometimes the person on the screen. Don't fish for your own name; if it's you, they'll say so. If it is someone who has died, 'tell me about them' is all you need to say.
What do you think you'll remember about this year when you're older?
Why ask it
A question with no deadline on it suits the hour. Expect one small scene more often than an achievement: a car ride, a joke that ran all summer. If you were in that scene, add the part you'd keep from it.
What's something about your family that would help me understand you better?
Why ask it
They set the depth here. 'We're loud' is a full answer, and so is something much heavier. Don't push past where they stop, especially when the family in question may be on the other side of the wall.
What's something you find easier to say on a call than face to face?
Why ask it
Plenty of people are braver with a screen in between. Whatever they name, that is what late calls are for with this person, so don't drag it into the hallway the next morning.
When you've had a bad day, do you want me to call, text, or leave you alone for a while?
Why ask it
Ask it on a good night so you have the answer ready for a bad one. People differ on this more than you'd guess, and 'give me an hour, then call' is an instruction worth remembering exactly.
What do I do on calls that you like, and what would you change?
Why ask it
For two people who call a lot. The second half tends to be about looking at another screen or going quiet without saying why. Hear it without defending yourself, fix the easy thing, and answer the same question if they turn it around.
Do you ever pick up my calls when you'd honestly rather not?
Why ask it
'Sometimes' is the honest answer for most people, and it should be safe to say. Agree out loud that either of you can let a call ring and text 'later' with no explanation owed. The answer to worry about is feeling they always have to pick up.
Is there anything you've wanted to ask me and haven't?
Why ask it
Offer it near the end of the deep stretch, once you've both answered a few. Answer whatever comes as straight as you can. If you need to think, say so and bring it back on the next call instead of dodging.
To end
What's the first thing you have to do tomorrow?
Why ask it
It turns the call toward the door without anyone saying they're bored. An early alarm is your cue to wrap up in the next few minutes, and you can ask how it went when you next talk.
What was your favorite part of this call?
Why ask it
It ends things warmly and tells you what to do again. If they name the stupid drawing over the serious talk, that is no slight on the serious talk: it's what they'll still be smiling about tomorrow.
What should we talk about next time that we didn't get to tonight?
Why ask it
A loose thread makes the next call easier to start. Write their answer down somewhere, because opening with 'you said you'd tell me about' shows you were listening.
I'm falling asleep over here. Is it okay if we call it a night?
Why ask it
A clean exit, put as a question so it doesn't land as a door closing. 'Of course, go to sleep' is what you hope to hear. If someone sulks or keeps you on every time you need to leave, raise it in daylight and not at midnight.
Are we hanging up, or staying on until one of us falls asleep?
Why ask it
Ask instead of assuming. Some people like the company and some need the charger, the quiet and a full night before school. If either of you has an early start, hanging up is the kind option.
Same time tomorrow, or should I wait for you to call me?
Why ask it
Settling who calls next saves a day of both of you wondering. 'I'll call you' from the person who never does is worth noticing over a few weeks, though one missed call means nothing.
How to use these on a FaceTime call
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you call
Pick three, not thirty
Read the list before you call and choose three questions you actually want answered. Scrolling a list in the middle of a call shows on your face: your eyes drop, and the other person can tell you've left. Three is plenty when each one leads somewhere.
Text before you ring
A video call out of nowhere catches people in pajamas, at dinner or in the car with their parents. 'Free to FT in ten?' gives them time to get to a room where they can talk, and you get a better call for it.
Prop the phone up
A phone leaning on a stack of books frees both hands for the drawing game, the scavenger hunt and your snack. It also stops the slow slide to the chin-and-ceiling view that sets in when an arm gets tired.
Start with the room
The To start group leans on what the camera shows: where they are, what they're eating, who or what just wandered through the frame. Two people on a call share no surroundings, so borrow theirs before reaching for bigger subjects.
Friend, crush, boyfriend or girlfriend
Most of the list works for all of them. With a friend, skip Flirty and spend longer on Funny and Games. With a crush, Flirty comes after you've both laughed, never before. With a boyfriend or girlfriend, Late night has the questions about how the calls themselves are going. On a group call, go to Games first: the scavenger hunt, most likely to and never have I ever all get better with three or more.
Playing games over video
Say the rules first
Lag makes turn-taking messy, so settle the rules before a round: who asks first, how many turns, what the loser owes. If a game can't be explained in one sentence, pick a different game.
Keep rounds short
Five this-or-thats, two rounds of 20 questions, one scavenger hunt. Stop each game while it is still funny and move to another, or to an ordinary question. A game is a way back into talking and not a replacement for it.
Dares that stay inside the frame
A good call dare happens on camera, takes under two minutes and involves nobody else: an accent, a drawing, a tour of the fridge. Rule out anything that means messaging a third person, leaving the house, or doing something a screenshot could turn into a problem later.
Play for answers
The best stake on a call is a question. The loser of a round answers one from Funny or Late night, chosen by the winner, and answers it properly. That way the games keep feeding the conversation.
When the call goes quiet
Quiet on a call is allowed
Plenty of regular calls are mostly homework, folding laundry or scrolling, with the other person simply there. That is a good call and not a failed one. Ask a question every so often and let the rest be company.
Go and get something
When talk stalls, movement fixes it faster than another question does. Send them to find an object, show them what's in your fridge, carry the phone to the window. A new picture on the screen gives you both something to react to.
Turn the cameras off for a while
Looking at a face, and at your own in the corner, can wear you out in a way that sitting beside someone doesn't. Suggesting sound only for a bit is not a step backward. Several of the Late night questions are easier to answer with the camera pointed at the ceiling.
They keep looking at something else
Ask what they're looking at before you take it personally; it may be homework or a parent in the doorway. If it happens on every call, say plainly that you'd take twenty minutes of them over two hours of half of them.
Hanging up well
Say how long you have at the start
An ending announced in the first minute never feels like a rejection in the last one. 'I've got until nine' is all it takes, and the other person can save their best question for a night with more room.
End on a plan
The To end group is about what comes next: tomorrow morning, the next call, the subject you didn't reach. A call that closes with 'same time Thursday' is easier to leave than one that just runs out.
Falling asleep on the call
Some people love it, and some wake up to a dead phone and a bad mood. Ask before assuming, and give the final say to whoever has the earlier morning.
Screenshots and recordings
Ask before you capture anything, every time, and treat a no as the end of the matter. What someone says or does on a late call was meant for one person. Keeping it that way is a large part of why they'll call again.