Questions to Ask Your Dad Who Left You
Healing questions to ask your father who left, designed to help you understand, process, and potentially rebuild a relationship while protecting your emotional well-being.
1Why did you leave and what were you thinking at the time?
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Why did you leave and what were you thinking at the time?
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Why this works
Helps you understand the circumstances and motivations behind his decision, providing closure and insight into his perspective during that difficult time.
2Did you ever think about coming back or reaching out to me?
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Did you ever think about coming back or reaching out to me?
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Why this works
Reveals whether he had any intention of reconnecting and shows you that you were on his mind, even if he didn't act on those thoughts.
3What was your life like after you left and how did you cope?
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What was your life like after you left and how did you cope?
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Why this works
Shows you his side of the story and helps you understand that leaving was difficult for him too, providing context for his actions.
4Do you have any regrets about leaving and what would you do differently?
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Do you have any regrets about leaving and what would you do differently?
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Why this works
Reveals his feelings about the decision and whether he acknowledges the impact it had on you, showing his level of self-awareness and remorse.
5What do you want me to know about you that I might not know?
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What do you want me to know about you that I might not know?
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Why this works
Gives him a chance to share important information about himself and his life, helping you understand who he is as a person.
6How do you feel about our relationship now and what do you hope for?
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How do you feel about our relationship now and what do you hope for?
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Why this works
Shows you his current feelings and intentions, helping you understand whether he's genuinely interested in rebuilding a relationship.
7What do you want to know about me and my life?
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What do you want to know about me and my life?
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Why this works
Reveals his level of interest in you and your life, showing whether he's genuinely curious about who you are and what you've experienced.
8How do you handle the guilt or shame you might feel about leaving?
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How do you handle the guilt or shame you might feel about leaving?
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Why this works
Shows you how he processes his emotions and whether he's willing to be vulnerable about his feelings and mistakes.
9What do you want me to understand about your decision that I might not see?
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What do you want me to understand about your decision that I might not see?
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Why this works
Gives him a chance to explain his perspective and helps you understand the complexity of the situation from his point of view.
10How do you want to move forward and what are your expectations?
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How do you want to move forward and what are your expectations?
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Why this works
Reveals his intentions for the future and helps you understand what he's hoping for in terms of rebuilding your relationship.
11What do you want me to know about your family and background?
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What do you want me to know about your family and background?
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Why this works
Helps you understand his family history and background, providing context for his actions and helping you understand his upbringing.
12How do you handle difficult conversations and what are your communication styles?
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How do you handle difficult conversations and what are your communication styles?
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Why this works
Shows you how he approaches difficult topics and helps you understand how to communicate effectively with him.
13What do you want me to know about your current life and relationships?
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What do you want me to know about your current life and relationships?
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Why this works
Reveals his current situation and helps you understand his life now, including any other relationships or family he may have.
14How do you want to handle the past and what are your boundaries?
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How do you want to handle the past and what are your boundaries?
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Why this works
Shows you how he wants to approach the difficult history and helps you understand his boundaries and expectations.
15What do you want me to know about your mental health and struggles?
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What do you want me to know about your mental health and struggles?
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Why this works
Reveals his mental health journey and helps you understand any struggles he may have faced that influenced his decision to leave.
16How do you want to handle holidays and special occasions?
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How do you want to handle holidays and special occasions?
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Why this works
Shows you his approach to important dates and helps you understand how he wants to handle family traditions and celebrations.
17What do you want me to know about your values and beliefs?
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What do you want me to know about your values and beliefs?
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Why this works
Reveals his core values and beliefs, helping you understand what's important to him and how he views the world.
18How do you want to handle conflicts and disagreements?
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How do you want to handle conflicts and disagreements?
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Why this works
Shows you his approach to conflict resolution and helps you understand how to handle disagreements in your relationship.
19What do you want me to know about your hopes and dreams for the future?
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What do you want me to know about your hopes and dreams for the future?
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Why this works
Reveals his aspirations and helps you understand what he's working toward and how he sees his future.
20How do you want to handle the relationship with my other family members?
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How do you want to handle the relationship with my other family members?
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Why this works
Shows you his approach to family dynamics and helps you understand how he wants to handle relationships with your other family members.
How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Your Father
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Best Practices
Focus on Understanding
Ask questions that help you understand his perspective and motivations. Look for answers that provide insight into his decision-making process.
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries about what you're comfortable discussing and what you need from the relationship. Protect your emotional well-being.
Be Patient
These conversations can be difficult and emotional. Give both of you time to process and don't expect to resolve everything in one conversation.
Question Sequences
The Understanding Series
The Relationship Building Series
Common Pitfalls
Don't Expect Immediate Answers
These questions may be difficult for him to answer immediately. Give him time to process and don't pressure him for quick responses.
Don't Ignore Your Feelings
Pay attention to your emotional responses and take breaks when needed. Don't sacrifice your well-being for the sake of the conversation.
Don't Accept Excuses
While understanding his perspective is important, don't accept excuses that minimize the impact of his decision on your life.