Questions to Ask Potential Roommates
For adults choosing someone to share an apartment or house with, whether you're filling a spare room or signing a new lease together. The questions run from money and the lease through daily habits, cleanliness, guests and partners, and work schedules to dealbreakers. Each has a note on what the answer tells you: which ones should end the conversation, and which are only differences to plan around.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Money and the lease
Why are you moving, and how soon do you need to be out of your current place?
Why ask it
The reason itself is rarely the problem: a new job, a breakup, a rent increase and a lease running out are all ordinary. Listen to how they describe the people they're leaving, because if the last household was entirely to blame, you may be next year's version of that story. A move-out date days away is theirs to plan around and shouldn't hurry your decision.
What's your budget for rent and utilities each month?
Why ask it
If the room has a price, give the full monthly figure, rent share plus a realistic guess at utilities and internet, and ask whether it's comfortable or a stretch. If you're searching together, swap ranges and plan around the lower one. Either way, settle it by message before you meet: a budget well short of the rent ends things kindly and early.
What do you do for work, and how steady has your income been over the past year?
Why ask it
You're asking whether the rent will arrive every month, not judging the job. Freelance or commission income is a difference to plan around: ask how they cover a thin month. If they can't or won't say where the money comes from, end it there.
When do you want to move in, and how long a lease are you ready to sign?
Why ask it
Dates that miss by a few weeks mean someone pays for an empty room or for two homes at once, so agree now on who covers the gap. Wanting six months next to a twelve-month lease isn't a no if the landlord allows a shorter term or a replacement tenant: ask what the lease says about leaving early. Be wary of 'let's see how it goes' when the paperwork says a year.
Could I talk to your current landlord, or to someone you've lived with recently?
Why ask it
A quick yes with a name and a number is about as good a sign as this conversation offers. A first-time renter can offer an employer or a former housemate instead. A flat no with no alternative should end it.
Can you pay your share of the deposit and the first month up front, from your own money?
Why ask it
A deposit that can only go on a credit card suggests they'd start the lease with no cushion at all. A parent helping out is fine if they say so plainly. A request to pay it in pieces after move-in is the first late payment, and it's reasonable to stop there.
How do you want to split the rent and utilities: evenly, or by room size and who uses what?
Why ask it
An even split is simplest when the bedrooms are alike. When one has the private bathroom or the balcony, agree on the difference in rent before anyone picks a room, not after. For utilities, decide whose name goes on each account and the day the other pays them back, since the provider's bill comes to the account holder alone.
Have you ever paid rent late, or needed a roommate or landlord to wait for your share?
Why ask it
One late month with a reason and a date it was made right is an ordinary life event. What you're listening for is whether they told the other person before the due date or after it. A pattern, or a story in which the landlord was unreasonable for wanting the rent on time, is a reason to stop.
Is anything on the horizon in the next year that could move you: a new job, a partner, buying a place?
Why ask it
Nobody can promise twelve months, but most people know what might pull them away. A likely move is workable if the lease length matches it, or if you agree now on how they'd hand over the room. The answer to watch for is a stopgap described as a home.
If we're finding a place together, which neighborhoods are you set on and what does the apartment have to have?
Why ask it
Commute, a second bathroom, laundry in the building, a ground floor: each of you gets a short list of musts and a longer list of wants. Compare the musts first, since two lists that can't fit one apartment at your shared budget settle the matter before any viewing. If you're filling a room in a place you already have, skip this and ask what nearly put them off the listing.
If the landlord runs a credit check on you, what will it show?
Why ask it
Better to hear it from them now than from the landlord next week. An old debt explained without drama can sometimes be planned around with a co-signer or a larger deposit, if the landlord offers that and local rules allow it. A surprise they knew about and kept quiet is the real problem.
Does your payday line up with the day rent is due?
Why ask it
A mismatch is only logistics: the usual fix is moving their share into a separate account on payday, so it's sitting there when the rent is due. Reluctance to set money aside in advance tells you more than the dates do.
If your income stopped tomorrow, how long could you keep paying rent?
Why ask it
Plenty of honest people would say 'not long', so a short runway isn't a no. Ask what they'd do next: savings, family, giving notice early. 'It would work out' with nothing behind it is the answer to worry about, because on many joint leases the landlord can come to you for their share.
If the rent went up at renewal, how much more could you take on before you'd have to move?
Why ask it
Whether a landlord can raise the rent, by how much and with what notice depends on the lease and on where you live, so find out. Someone already at their ceiling is no reason to say no to this lease. It does mean you may be looking for a new roommate at the end of it, which is easier to plan for than to be surprised by.
Would you rather pay your share straight to the landlord, or to one of us who then sends the whole amount?
Why ask it
Whoever collects and forwards the rent carries the risk when a share is late. Ask the landlord whether separate payments are accepted, since some will only take one. A person who resists any arrangement that leaves a record is one to pass on.
Who should get the parking space, the bigger closet and the storage unit, and should the rent reflect it?
Why ask it
Bedrooms get measured and priced, while the extras tend to go to whoever moves in first. Any split is fine if you both say yes to it out loud. Notice whether they negotiate or simply assume the extras are theirs.
What counts as a shared expense to you: internet, streaming, a cleaner, the good olive oil?
Why ask it
Rent and electricity are easy to agree on, and the friction comes from the small recurring things. There's no correct list, only a matching one. If their idea of shared is much wider or narrower than yours, write the list down before you move in and it stops being a problem.
Before either of us spends money on the place, what amount needs a check-in first?
Why ask it
One person buys a rug and expects half back, and the other never wanted a rug. Agree on a figure, and anything above it gets a text before the purchase. A difference in taste is fine, but a habit of buying first and billing later is not.
Do you have renters insurance now, and would you take out your own policy here?
Why ask it
One roommate's policy often doesn't cover the other's belongings, so read the wording or ask the insurer, and check whether the lease requires each tenant to carry one. Where it's optional, a no isn't a reason to walk away. It does tell you whether they'd look to you after a break-in or a leak.
A lease covers us and the landlord. Would you sign something that covers the two of us?
Why ask it
A short roommate agreement sets out rent shares, notice, the deposit and what happens if one of you leaves early. How much legal weight it carries varies by place, but drafting it brings disagreements out while they're still cheap. If they'd rather keep everything verbal, ask what the two of you would point to when you remember it differently.
Daily habits
What are you looking for in a roommate, and what would make you turn one down?
Why ask it
The first quality they name is often the one their last household lacked, so ask what happened there. Check whether their list describes you on an ordinary week, not you on your best behavior. It's also your opening to say what you want, which they need to hear as much as you need their answer.
Have you shared a home as an adult before, or have you mostly lived alone or with family?
Why ask it
Experience isn't required, but the answer changes what else you ask. A first-timer may not know their own habits yet, so lean on specifics about their current place. Someone who has been through five roommates in three years needs a follow-up about why.
Are you looking for a roommate mainly to save money, or because you'd rather not live alone?
Why ask it
Both are good reasons and they produce different households. Two people who want company will be fine, and so will two who want a quiet split of the bills. One of each is the mismatch, and it's better found now than in month three.
What time do you usually go to bed and get up, on workdays and on your days off?
Why ask it
Ask for clock times, since 'early' means five to one person and eight to another. Then take the answer to the floor plan: whose bedroom shares a wall with the TV, the kitchen or the front door? Different hours are fine until the late one's evening happens against the early one's wall.
How much noise is normal for you at home, and what quiet hours would you want on weeknights?
Why ask it
Music through a speaker, calls on speakerphone and a TV left on for company all sound ordinary to the person doing them. Propose an hour after which sound moves to headphones or behind a closed door, and see whether they haggle or agree. Someone who takes the idea of quiet hours as an insult will take the first request to turn it down the same way.
Walk me through an ordinary weekday evening at home for you.
Why ask it
A description of a real evening beats any self-rating of how quiet or social they are. Listen for where it happens, in the shared rooms or behind a door, and how late it runs. Almost any answer is workable as long as it doesn't collide with yours every night.
If I'm watching something in the living room, would you join me, pass through, or wish I'd picked my bedroom?
Why ask it
It gets at how they see the shared room without asking them to label themselves. Any of the three is a way of living you can plan for. The trouble comes when one person treats the couch as common ground and the other treats it as theirs.
How often do you cook a full meal, and how long is the kitchen yours when you do?
Why ask it
Two people who both cook at seven need a rhythm, and that's only scheduling. Ask when the cleanup happens, because a two-hour cook who leaves the pans overnight is a different roommate from one who wipes down as they go.
Is there any food you'd rather not have cooked or stored in the kitchen: meat, fish, a serious allergen?
Why ask it
A severe allergy is a firm rule and deserves to be treated as one, so decide honestly whether you can keep to it. Religious or ethical kitchens can often be handled with separate pans and shelves. If either of you would feel policed at every meal, it won't last.
Do you want to share groceries and household basics, or keep everything separate?
Why ask it
Fully shared food only suits two people who eat alike and spend alike. A common middle ground is separate groceries and a shared fund for toilet paper, dish soap and trash bags. Whatever you choose, name the staples that are fair game, such as oil, salt and milk, so nobody has to ask or guess.
How do you feel about borrowing each other's things: pans, a charger, a jacket, the car?
Why ask it
A workable default is that shared rooms are shared and bedrooms are ask-first, with a short list of exceptions each. Find out what's on theirs, because a person relaxed about pans can be rigid about a good knife or a bike. If lending a car comes up at all, check what the owner's insurance says about other drivers before anyone says yes.
Do you fall asleep to a TV, a fan or a podcast, and would you switch to headphones if it carried?
Why ask it
Sound through a bedroom wall at one in the morning is hard to bring up once you've put up with it for a month, so ask before you share a wall. Sleep headphones, or swapping who takes which bedroom, usually solves it. It only becomes a reason to say no when one of you needs sound, the other needs silence, and neither bedroom can move.
What's the latest you'd run the washing machine, the dishwasher or the vacuum?
Why ask it
Appliance hours are easy to agree on and maddening when nobody has. Check whether the building or the lease sets quiet hours, then settle your own inside them. 'Whenever' from someone who gets home at midnight needs a follow-up.
In winter, would you rather pay more to keep the place warm, or put on a sweater and save?
Why ask it
The thermostat is a money argument dressed as a comfort argument, so agree on a range and on who is allowed to change it. A few degrees apart is easy to split down the middle. Wanting it tropical while splitting the bill evenly is a negotiation to have before signing.
Do you have a hobby that takes up space or makes noise: an instrument, weights, a 3D printer, a sewing table?
Why ask it
Most hobbies fit if they have set hours and somewhere to live. Ask where the gear would go and when they'd use it. A drum kit in an apartment with neighbors below is one of the few answers here that may simply not suit the building.
What furniture are you bringing, and how much say do you want over how the shared rooms look?
Why ask it
Two adults usually means two couches and two sets of plates. Decide whose stays and where the rest goes before moving day. If you buy anything together, have one person own it outright so nobody is dividing a table when the lease ends.
What does a weekend at home look like for you: out for most of it, or in?
Why ask it
Weekday routines can match perfectly and weekends still clash, since that's when you're both home at once. Neither answer is a problem: you only need to know whether you'll ever have the place to yourself.
Cleanliness
If I walked into your current kitchen right now, what would I see?
Why ask it
Almost nobody rates themselves as messy, so ask for a picture in place of a rating. Last night's pans on the stove are normal. Laughing and changing the subject is your answer, and if you're visiting their current place, look for yourself.
How long do dirty dishes usually sit before you wash them?
Why ask it
Ask for hours, not adjectives: 'same night', 'next morning' and 'when the sink is full' are three different roommates. A gap is manageable with a dishwasher, or when each of you only ever leaves your own. With one small sink and a cook who needs it clear, a two-day habit is the argument you'd be having most weeks.
How do you want to divide the cleaning: a rota, set jobs for each of us, or whoever notices first?
Why ask it
'Whoever notices first' tends to mean the person with the lower tolerance for mess does all of it, so work out which of you that would be. A rota suits people who like things settled, and fixed jobs suit two people who each hate a different chore. Either holds up better once you've agreed what 'done' means for a bathroom.
Which chore do you honestly not mind, and which one will you put off until someone says something?
Why ask it
This is how a fair split gets built: each of you takes the jobs you can stand. A person who hates bathrooms but always takes the trash out is easy to live with. One who can't name a single chore they'd take on has been living off someone else's work.
How often do you think a shared bathroom needs a proper clean?
Why ask it
Ask for a number, weekly or monthly, because 'when it needs it' means something different to everyone. A gap between your number and theirs can be closed with a schedule or a cleaner. A gap between weekly and never usually can't.
In the place you live now, who takes out the trash and recycling, and how did that get decided?
Why ask it
The second half of the question is the one to listen to. 'We take turns' and 'it's mine, I leave earliest' are both good. 'My roommate just does it' means the arrangement was one person giving up, and you would be next.
Would you split the cost of a cleaner once or twice a month?
Why ask it
For two busy people with different standards, this is often the simplest fix there is. A no on budget grounds is completely fair, unless it comes with a low standard and no plan to pitch in.
Where do your things end up at home: shoes by the door, laundry on a rack in the living room, a laptop on the kitchen table?
Why ask it
Clutter and dirt are separate issues, and plenty of clean people spread out. This is nearly always a difference to plan around: decide which surfaces stay clear and where a drying rack can stand.
Do you keep a shoes-off home?
Why ask it
Some people were raised with it and for others it has never come up, which is why it needs saying out loud. It's easy to agree on before move-in and awkward to enforce later, especially with guests. Whichever way it goes, a shoe rack by the door does most of the work.
How quickly do you deal with something unpleasant: a clogged drain, mold in the shower, a spill at the back of the fridge?
Why ask it
Routine tidying shows preference, and this shows whether they act when something is actually wrong. 'I'd sort it that evening' or 'I'd report it that day' is what you want. Waiting to see whether the other person notices first is how small problems turn into deposit deductions.
Have you ever had mice, roaches or bedbugs where you lived, and how did it get dealt with?
Why ask it
Having had pests says little about a person, since buildings get them. What they did says more: reporting it quickly and changing how food and trash were kept is a good answer, and shrugging it off as the building's problem is not. If it was bedbugs, ask whether any furniture from that home is coming with them.
If I asked you to tidy the living room because I had someone coming over, how would that land?
Why ask it
'Sure, give me an hour' is all you need to hear. Bristling at a hypothetical is a mild warning, because the real request will come on a day when they're tired.
Do you use scented candles, incense, plug-in air fresheners or strong cleaning sprays?
Why ask it
Scent is a matter of taste for most people, and more than that for some people with asthma, migraines or allergies. If one of you reacts to fragrance, the shared rooms need a clear rule. Otherwise, keeping it to bedrooms with the door shut is an easy compromise.
Guests and partners
How often do you have friends over, and do they usually leave the same night?
Why ask it
Get a rough count per week and which nights, because Tuesday guests and Saturday guests are different to live with. There's no right amount: a full living room every weekend is a perk to one roommate and a reason to move to another. Ask what they'd count as fair notice, too, since a text sent from the doorstep technically is one.
Are you seeing someone, and where do the two of you usually spend your time?
Why ask it
You're entitled to know who else will be in your home regularly. A partner who is around a lot is something to plan for, and plenty of roommates like it. Vagueness matters more than the answer itself: 'they have their own place' and 'they'd be here most nights' describe different households.
At what point should a partner who stays over start chipping in for utilities?
Why ask it
Pick a number of nights a week before there's a specific person attached to it. Someone who showers, cooks and works from your living room four days a week is using the place. Agreeing on a threshold now is easy, while raising it for the first time in month five feels like an accusation.
Could you see a partner wanting to move in during this lease?
Why ask it
Leases commonly limit who can live in the unit, so a third person may need the landlord's approval and a new agreement: check yours. A maybe is fine if they'd raise it with you first and accept a no. You signed up for one roommate, and that's a fair line to hold.
When did you last have people over, and what kind of evening was it?
Why ask it
Asking about the last time gets you a real event in place of a policy. Dinner for four that ended at eleven and twenty people until three are both legitimate ways to live, and only one of them may suit you. If the evening they describe doesn't fit the 'not that often' they gave you a minute ago, go with the evening.
Do friends or family ever drop by without calling first?
Why ask it
In some families a sibling at the door on a Sunday is normal, and in others it would be an intrusion. Neither is wrong, but you should know which household you'd be joining. A text from the host before anyone arrives is a small rule that usually covers it.
How long is too long for an out-of-town visitor, and where would they sleep?
Why ask it
A weekend on the couch and three weeks on the couch are different requests. Many leases cap how long a guest can stay before they count as an occupant, so check yours. Set a length past which the host asks first instead of announcing.
Would anyone else be staying with you on a regular basis: kids for part of the week, a relative, a friend between places?
Why ask it
A household that changes shape on certain days should be known about from the start. It can work well if the space fits, you're both honest about noise and routines, and the roommate is never the default babysitter. How regular overnight stays are treated depends on the lease and on local occupancy rules, so ask the landlord.
How do you feel about a guest being here when the person who invited them is out?
Why ask it
The usual test case is a partner letting themselves in at four in the afternoon while you're working from the couch. Some people are relaxed about it, and some want nobody home who doesn't pay rent. Settle it as one rule for both of you, not a favor granted case by case.
Who else would have a key or the door code to this place?
Why ask it
A parent with a spare for emergencies is ordinary. An ex who never gave theirs back, or a rotating cast of friends who know the code, is not. You want a short list of names and an agreement that it doesn't grow without both of you knowing.
How do you feel about one of us having an overnight guest the other has never met?
Why ask it
The concern is a stranger in a home where someone else is asleep, and it applies to a friend of a friend as much as to a date. Common ground is usually a heads-up text and the guest never being left alone in the apartment. If the answer is that it's none of your business, take that seriously.
While you're away, would you ever list your room for short stays or lend it to a friend?
Why ask it
Many leases forbid short-term rentals without the landlord's consent, and on a joint lease a breach can land on everyone named, so read yours. A trusted friend staying a week with your agreement is a judgment call. Paying strangers arriving while your roommate is gone is something to rule out before you sign.
If a guest of mine made you uncomfortable, how would you want to tell me?
Why ask it
You're agreeing in advance that either of you can raise it and be heard without it turning into a fight about the friend. A good answer is simple: 'I'd tell you privately and expect you to handle it.' Anyone who says guests are purely the host's business hasn't had a bad one yet.
Work and schedule
What hours do you work, and do they change from week to week?
Why ask it
Fixed hours let you plan mornings, showers and quiet time once. Rotating shifts mean you need a way of sharing the schedule, such as a calendar on the fridge. Opposite schedules are often a gift, since you each get the place to yourself.
On the days you work from home, which room becomes your office?
Why ask it
If the answer is the living room or the kitchen table, that's a claim on shared space for most of the working week, and it should be scheduled or priced like one. A desk in their bedroom is no issue at all. Settle where calls happen before the first Monday.
If we both had video calls at the same hour, how would we work it out?
Why ask it
Two remote workers in one apartment need more than goodwill: who takes the bedroom, who gets the better connection, whether the internet plan can carry both. Ask what speed they need. Someone who assumes you'll be the one to move is showing you how other things will go.
Do you work nights or very early shifts, and what do you need from the rest of the household while you sleep?
Why ask it
A day sleeper needs quiet at hours when most people run the vacuum and take calls. It's workable with a white noise machine, a rug and some agreed hours. Be honest with yourself about whether you can tiptoe at noon for a year.
What time do you need the bathroom on a workday, and for how long?
Why ask it
With one bathroom and two people leaving at eight, this is the first collision you'll have. Ten minutes either way fixes it. If neither of you can shift and there's only one shower, that's worth knowing before the lease is signed.
How often do you travel for work or stay somewhere else overnight?
Why ask it
Someone gone half the month is paying full rent for a quiet apartment, which suits a lot of people. Ask whether they'd still expect an even split of utilities and chores, and who takes in the packages. Frequent absence only becomes a problem if they want a discount for it later.
Are you ever on call, and what does that sound like at three in the morning?
Why ask it
A phone that rings at night and a front door that opens ten minutes later come with some jobs, and they're easier to live with when you knew to expect them. Ask how often it really happens, because once a quarter and twice a week are different arrangements.
Do you run any kind of business from home: clients visiting, stock in the hallway, deliveries every day?
Why ask it
Selling online from a laptop affects nobody. Clients coming to the door, inventory in shared rooms or a steady stream of couriers affects both of you, and many leases restrict it. Ask the landlord what's permitted before treating a yes as harmless.
Are you studying for anything on top of work: a degree, a license, a certification exam?
Why ask it
It means evenings at a desk and a stretch before the exam when they'll need the place quiet. That's easy to respect if you know the dates. It also suggests their income or hours may change when the course ends, which is worth one follow-up.
How do you get to work, and what does that mean for the apartment: a car to park, a bike to store, a 5am exit?
Why ask it
A bike in the hallway or a departure past your bedroom door before dawn is easier agreed on than discovered. If you both drive and there's one space, go back to the question of who gets it and at what price. None of this should stop a good match.
Dealbreakers
Do you smoke, vape or drink, and how much of that happens at home?
Why ask it
Ask about each one, and about where: on the balcony, in their bedroom with the window open, only when they're out. Smoke and vapor travel between rooms, and where a lease bans smoking indoors the cost of a breach can come out of a shared deposit, so read that clause before accepting 'only in my room'. For drinking, a description of a normal Friday tells you more than the word 'socially' does.
Is there anything you'd want kept out of the home entirely: cigarettes, cannabis, alcohol, anything else?
Why ask it
The question before this one covers their habits, and this one covers their limits, which can be stricter than you'd guess from how they live. Someone in recovery may need an alcohol-free home, which is a need to respect and to decide on honestly. Local law and the lease can disagree about cannabis, so read what yours says before either of you assumes.
Do you have a pet or plan to get one, and who would cover its deposit, any damage and its care when you're away?
Why ask it
The fair answer is that the owner covers all three, with the roommate as an occasional favor and never the default sitter. Confirm the landlord's pet rules and any fee before going further, and that includes an animal they only hope to get. An allergy on your side, or a pet the lease doesn't allow, settles it with nobody at fault.
Do you own a firearm or any other weapon you'd keep here?
Why ask it
Whether it's allowed depends on local law and the lease, so check both. If the answer is yes, ask how it's stored and who else knows about it. Either of you is free to end the conversation over this, and it's kinder to do it now.
Have you ever been taken to court by a landlord or a roommate, or taken one there yourself?
Why ask it
A single dispute with a clear story, such as a withheld deposit they won back, shouldn't count against anyone. A string of them, or a version in which every other party was unreasonable, should. An eviction they left out that a background check then turns up is where you stop.
Have neighbors or a landlord ever complained about noise from your home?
Why ask it
One complaint after a birthday is ordinary. Repeated ones mean their normal volume is louder than they think, and on a joint lease a formal notice can land on you as well. Ask what they changed afterward, and if nothing did, expect the same here.
What are your biggest pet peeves when you share a home?
Why ask it
Small and specific is what you're after: wet towels on the floor, cupboard doors left open, a phone alarm snoozed six times. If you do the thing they name, say so now and see whether you can both laugh about it. A long list delivered with real heat is worth a pause, because you'd be living inside it.
When something a roommate does bothers you, how do you bring it up?
Why ask it
Listen for a method you could live with on the receiving end: a word that evening, a text, a monthly sit-down. 'I don't like confrontation' often means it comes out later and bigger, or as a note on the fridge. Tell them how you'd want to hear it yourself, so neither of you is left guessing.
Tell me about a time a roommate raised a problem with you. What did you do about it?
Why ask it
Most people have been the problem at some point, so 'that's never happened' is the weakest answer available. You want a specific complaint and a specific change. Getting defensive while retelling it years later shows you how the same conversation would go with you.
What have you compromised on in a shared home before, and did you come to resent it?
Why ask it
People who can name a compromise they made peace with can make another. People still angry about a thermostat from two apartments ago will keep score with you too. It's also a quiet way to find the one thing they won't give up again.
What's a rule from a previous home that you'd insist on here?
Why ask it
The house rules people carry with them usually come from something that went wrong, so ask for the story. If you can live with the rule, agreeing to it costs you little. If you can't, you've found the mismatch in five minutes and not five months.
Would it bother you to live with someone whose politics, faith or relationships look different from yours?
Why ask it
Different views across a kitchen are something most adults manage with a little tact. Contempt is another matter. If either of you would have to hide a partner, a practice or an opinion to keep the peace at home, don't sign.
Can I tell you the thing people find hardest about living with me, and hear whether you could live with it?
Why ask it
Offering your own flaw first makes the conversation fair and sets the level of honesty you expect back. Watch whether they take it seriously or wave it away to be polite. A thoughtful 'that might be hard for me' is worth more than an instant 'that's fine'.
What haven't I asked that the last person you lived with would tell me to ask?
Why ask it
It hands them the chance to volunteer what a checklist missed. A real answer, even an unflattering one, is a point in their favor. 'Nothing, I'm easy' at the end of a long conversation is the least believable thing they could say.
How to interview a potential roommate
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you meet
Answer the list yourself first
Go through the questions alone and write down your own answers. You can't judge a mismatch until you've decided what hour you call late and what you mean by clean. Then mark the three or four things you would not bend on. Those are your real dealbreakers, and everything else is open to negotiation.
Settle the basics by message
Budget, move-in date, lease length, pets and smoking can be sorted out in a few messages. There's no point spending an evening together to learn that their ceiling is well under the rent. Keep the meeting for the questions where the way someone answers matters as much as what they say.
Meet at the apartment, or at theirs
Showing the place lets them answer with the actual rooms in front of them, and seeing where they live now tells you more about tidiness than any description. If the person is a stranger from a listing, a cafe nearby is a sensible first step, and let a friend know where you'll be.
Choose a dozen, not the whole list
Nobody should be read every question on this page. Take two or three from each group and weight them toward whatever has gone wrong for you before. If your last roommate's partner moved in by stealth, spend your time on Guests and partners.
Running the conversation
Open with the move, then the money
Why they're moving is an easy first question, and it leads straight into the rest of Money and the lease, which holds most of the hard stops. Going there first feels blunt, but it's unkind to both of you to find out an hour in that the deposit isn't there. Once rent, the deposit and references are settled, the rest of the conversation relaxes.
Ask what happened, not what they believe
'Are you clean?' gets you a self-image. 'What does your kitchen look like right now?' gets you a kitchen. Whenever an answer sounds like a policy, ask about the last time it came up and what they did.
Give your own answer after theirs
They are choosing you as well, so every question runs both ways. Let them go first so they aren't simply agreeing with you, then answer as honestly as you hope they did. If you soften your own habits, you'll be matched with someone who suits a person you aren't.
Keep it to how they live
Ask about habits, money and plans, since those are what you'll share. Someone's background, religion or medical history tells you nothing about whether the rent arrives or the dishes get done. If you're advertising a room publicly, check what your local housing rules allow a listing to say.
Watch how they take being asked
Someone who answers plainly and asks you things back is showing you how a conversation about the dishes will go six months from now. Irritation at reasonable questions, or charm in place of answers, is information too.
Dealbreaker or difference
What should end the conversation
Answers that put your money, your tenancy or your safety at risk: no way to cover the deposit, no reference of any kind, something concealed that a check would find, plans that break the lease, or a refusal to discuss any of it. Liking the person doesn't offset these. On a joint lease their unpaid share or broken rule can become yours to answer for, so ask the landlord how liability works on yours.
What is only a difference
Sleep hours, cooking times, how sociable they are, tidiness within a normal range, a partner who visits. These call for a schedule, a rule or a little money, not a different person. Two people with identical habits are rare, and you don't need that to live well together.
The mismatch nobody will move on
A night owl and an early riser do fine when both use headphones and close doors. They don't when each thinks the other should change. For every mismatch, ask who would adjust and how. If the answer is nobody, treat it as a dealbreaker however small the subject.
Friends are not exempt
Friends often skip this conversation because it feels like distrust, and then learn about each other's money habits with a lease between them. At the least, ask a friend the Money and the lease questions and the Dealbreakers. A friendship survives an awkward hour more easily than a year of unpaid bills.
Once you both say yes
Check what you were told
Say that you'll be calling the reference, then call. If the landlord screens applicants, wait for that to come back before you turn anyone else away. Someone whose account holds up has no reason to mind, and they are free to check yours. No money should change hands between you until you have both seen the place and read the lease.
Take the lease questions to the landlord
Whether rent can be paid separately, how a roommate is added to or taken off the lease, and what the guest, pet and subletting clauses say are the landlord's to answer. Don't rely on what either of you assumes the lease says. Read it together.
Put the agreement on one page
Rent shares, which bills are split and how, notice, the deposit, guests and cleaning. Keep it short enough that you'd both reread it. How enforceable it is depends on where you live, but its main use is as a shared record when memories differ.
Sit down again after a month
The first weeks show you what the interview couldn't. Agree at the start to go back over the page a month in, change what isn't working and say so plainly. A planned conversation is far easier than one that only happens because somebody finally snapped.