Questions to Ask When Babysitting
Questions for the job itself: what to settle at the door before the parents leave, what to ask the children once you are alone with them, and what to ask when the parents get back so the next evening goes better.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Can you text me your plan for tonight and when you expect to be back?
Why ask it
A time in writing behaves differently from a time said in a doorway. It also puts their number at the top of your recent messages, which matters when you need it fast and cannot remember where you wrote it down.
Who else might come to the door or call tonight?
Why ask it
A grandparent stopping by, a neighbor collecting a package, an ex-partner. Knowing who is expected lets you be firm with everyone who is not, which is much easier than deciding on the doorstep at nine at night.
Where will you be, and will your phone be on the table or in a pocket?
Why ask it
A movie theater, a wedding speech or a loud basement restaurant can mean two hours of unanswered calls. Ask for a second contact who will definitely pick up, before you are in a situation where you need one.
What have the kids already been told about tonight?
Why ask it
Children negotiate with sitters using half-remembered promises. Finding out what was actually agreed while the parents are still in the room removes the argument you would otherwise lose at seven o'clock.
Which door do you use, and how do I lock up if I step outside?
Why ask it
Sitters get shut out of yards and porches more often than you would expect. Ask about any latch that self-locks, and whether any exit needs a key from the inside, which matters in a fire.
What is the alarm code, and what do I do if it goes off by accident?
Why ask it
The code alone is not enough. You also want the passphrase the monitoring company asks for on the phone, because otherwise a false alarm ends with police at the door and a frightened child behind you.
Is anyone feeling unwell today, even slightly?
Why ask it
A child who was a little off at school usually gets worse near bedtime. Ask what has already been given and at what time, because the next safe dose window is the one thing you cannot work out on your own.
Where are the emergency numbers and the street address written down?
Why ask it
In an emergency you will be asked for the full address, and it is remarkably easy to blank on it inside somebody else's house. Ask where it is written and put it in your phone before they leave.
If they get hurt, at what point do you want me to call you?
Why ask it
Draw the line explicitly: a bumped head, a split lip, a fall from something high. Parents differ enormously, and knowing their threshold stops you both from over-calling and from hesitating when you should not.
What do you do when one of them will not stop crying?
Why ask it
Ask before they walk out the door. Every family has a method that works, and without it you will cycle through your own methods while a child becomes more upset. Ask what they do at three in the morning.
Am I allowed to take them outside, and how far?
Why ask it
Covers the yard, the sidewalk, the park and the store. Ask about car seats too, because driving someone else's children is a separate permission and often a separate insurance question.
Is there anything about your family I should know if the kids bring it up?
Why ask it
A separation, a death, a grandparent in the hospital, a job that ended. Children raise these at bedtime with a near-stranger. A short warning lets you answer calmly instead of visibly not knowing what to say.
Can I have someone else here, and would you want to know either way?
Why ask it
The honest version of a question most sitters avoid asking. Asking first protects you, and most parents care far less about the answer than about being told rather than finding out.
What does your mom or dad usually let you do at this time?
Why ask it
Ask the children this as an open question rather than yes or no. They will over-claim, but they answer with specifics you can compare against what the parents said, which beats arguing from authority.
Show me how bedtime works. What comes first?
Why ask it
Asking a child to demonstrate the routine turns compliance into a job they are in charge of. It also surfaces the details parents skip, like the particular song or the hallway light that stays on.
What do you want to do while we have the time?
Why ask it
One real choice offered early buys cooperation later. Keep it bounded: two options rather than an open field, and nothing that cannot be finished before the routine has to start.
Who do you like playing with at school?
Why ask it
A low-stakes way to get a quiet child talking, and it usually leads somewhere else on its own. Children almost never refuse this one, which is why it works with a child who has gone shy on you.
Is there anything here that makes you scared at night?
Why ask it
Worth asking early, calmly, and only once. A child who mentions the furnace noise or the shadow in the hallway at seven does not have to explain it in tears at nine.
When you get back, what would you like the house to look like?
Why ask it
Expectations about dishes, toys and tidying are almost never stated out loud and are quietly used to judge you afterward. Asking turns it into a task rather than a test you did not know you were taking.
Now that you are home, is there anything you would do differently next time?
Why ask it
Ask once, after they return, and take the answer plainly. It is the question that turns a one-off evening into a regular booking, and most parents will offer something small and genuinely useful.
Can you walk me through a normal evening, from when I arrive to lights out?
Why ask it
Asking for the timeline rather than the rules surfaces the small hand-offs parents forget to mention: the 6pm snack, the bath before pajamas, the show that always plays while teeth get brushed. If the answer is just "they're easy," ask them to describe last night specifically.
What are the kids allowed to eat tonight, and what can I help myself to?
Why ask it
This settles the two things that quietly cause friction: the child who negotiates for a second dessert, and the sitter who is unsure whether opening the fridge is rude. Parents who care about specific foods will usually point at a shelf or a container.
How does screen time work here, and is anything off-limits to watch?
Why ask it
What children say the rules are and what parents say rarely match. An answer with a number in it, one episode after teeth, is something you can hold to. "Not too much" leaves you negotiating at 8pm with no authority to point at.
What's the bedtime routine in order, and what usually goes wrong?
Why ask it
The second half of that question is the useful part. Every household has a predictable stall: the extra glass of water, the missing stuffed animal, the sudden urgent story. Knowing the stall in advance keeps you from inventing a new rule at bedtime.
Are there any allergies, and if so, what does a reaction look like and what do I do?
Why ask it
The word "allergy" covers everything from a rash to anaphylaxis, and you need to know which. Ask to be shown the auto-injector or antihistamine rather than told it exists, and ask whether they want you to call them first or emergency services first.
Is anyone taking medication I might need to give, and what's the dose and the time?
Why ask it
A dose spoken aloud in a doorway gets misremembered. Ask for it in writing with the syringe or spoon left out on the counter. Vague instructions like "give her the pink one if she coughs" are worth pushing back on before the parents leave.
Where's the first aid kit, and where do you keep the thermometer?
Why ask it
Opening unfamiliar drawers while a child is crying is the worst time to learn the layout of a house. Ask now, and while you're there find the light switches, the towels and the spare sheets in case the bed gets wet.
Who's your backup contact nearby if I can't reach you?
Why ask it
Phone signal fails in restaurants, cinemas and tunnels, which is where parents tend to be. A neighbour two doors down is more use than a relative an hour away, and it helps to know whether that person has a key.
Which rooms, stairs or cupboards should I keep them out of?
Why ask it
Hazards that are invisible to a visitor are obvious to a parent: the basement steps with no gate, the office with cords, the latch on the pool fence that only looks closed. Ask them to walk you through the house rather than describe it from the kitchen.
Is there a pet, and how is it with people it doesn't know?
Why ask it
A dog that is gentle with its family can behave differently with a stranger standing between it and the children. You also want to know who feeds it, whether it goes outside, and whether it is allowed in the bedrooms at night.
What do you want me to do if someone comes to the door or the landline rings?
Why ask it
Most parents want the door left shut and a message taken, but some are waiting on a delivery or a neighbour. Settling it now means you are not making a judgment call about a stranger while holding a toddler on one hip.
When they refuse to do something, what do you do, and what am I allowed to do?
Why ask it
You want their actual tools, counting down, taking the toy, walking away, and you want to hear what has been retired. Using a consequence the family has abandoned, or one they never use, undermines both you and them.
When the two of them start fighting, do you step in or let them sort it out?
Why ask it
Households genuinely differ here, and children notice instantly when a sitter's answer is different from their parents'. Ask what counts as the line, usually hitting or shutting someone out of a room, and what happens after it.
What's the rate tonight, and what happens with pay if it runs later than planned?
Why ask it
Get the figure, and ask whether the extra time is paid at the same rate. Bringing up pay and the late-running question before the job starts is far easier than raising them at midnight in a doorway with children asleep upstairs.
Running the evening
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
The handover at the door
- 1Arrive early enough for a walk-through rather than a summary. Ten minutes in the house is worth more than any list sent by text.
- 2Ask to be shown things rather than told about them: the medicine, the first aid kit, the fuse box, the latch on the back gate.
- 3Get the return time, the second contact, and the address written down before anyone puts a coat on.
- 4Ask the parents to say goodbye clearly and leave. Drawn-out departures make the first twenty minutes much harder than they need to be.
- 5Do the last check while they are still in the room: allergies, medication, and what to do if a child gets hurt.
While they are out
- If a child tells you a rule that contradicts what the parents said, do not argue about who is right. Say that tonight you are going with what their parents told you, and move on.
- Text a short, calm update once, early, rather than waiting until there is something to report. It buys you credibility if you have to call later.
- Do not answer the door to anyone who was not named before the parents left, even someone the children recognize.
- Keep the phone charged and audible. The most common failure in a sitting job is a parent unable to reach the sitter.
- If something goes wrong, call. Parents are far more annoyed by hearing about it afterward than by being interrupted during dinner.
Before you leave
- Say what actually happened, including the parts that did not go well. Sitters who report a perfect evening every time are not believed for long.
- Mention anything the child said that seemed to matter to them, even if it seemed small. Parents value this more than a tidy kitchen.
- Settle pay and hours plainly, including how late you actually stayed. Leaving it vague once tends to make it vague permanently.
- Ask whether they want anything done differently next time before you are out the door, while they can still remember the details.
- Note down the routine, the codes and the preferences for yourself. The second booking goes far better when you are not asking the same questions again.