Questions to Ask Witnesses in a Child Custody Case

The questions

Open any question to see why it works.

1. 1

   How do you know each parent, and how long have you known them?

   The first answer sets how much weight the rest can carry. A neighbour of eleven years and a friend met last spring will describe the same scene with very different standing, and the other side will start here too.

2. 2

   How often have you been around the children in the past year?

   Vague frequency is the most common weakness in a supportive witness. Someone who says often and cannot convert it into a number of times a month is describing an impression rather than an observation.

3. 3

   Where do you usually see them: your home, their home, school, somewhere else?

   Location limits what a person can honestly speak to. A witness who has only ever seen the children at a park cannot describe a household, and it is better to learn that now than to have it drawn out in cross-examination.

4. 4

   What does an ordinary visit look like when you are there?

   Ask for the boring version. Courts hear a great deal about crises and very little about ordinary Tuesdays, and a witness who can describe a routine hour in plain detail is more use than one with a single dramatic story.

5. 5

   When you have been present, who does the daily routine: meals, baths, bedtime, homework?

   This is the question that turns a general opinion into something concrete. Watch for a witness who answers with who says they do it rather than who they have watched do it, because that gap will be found.

6. 6

   Have you ever looked after the children on your own, and who asked you?

   Who does the asking says something about how each household runs. It also establishes whether the witness has independent time with the children or only ever sees them with a parent standing there.

7. 7

   Have you been inside both homes?

   A witness who has only seen one home can still describe that one, but should not be asked to compare. Knowing the limit in advance prevents an answer that sounds like it was coached into a comparison the person cannot make.

8. 8

   Have you gone to school events, medical appointments or games, and who else was there?

   Attendance is one of the few things with an independent record behind it, so it is checkable. The follow-up worth having is who else was in the room, since that names other people who may end up testifying.

9. 9

   Do you know the names of the children's teacher, doctor or coach?

   This is a quiet test of involvement, and it is often asked of the parents themselves. A witness who knows these names has been close to the children's daily life rather than to the adults arguing about it.

10. 10

    How does each parent speak to the children when everyone is tired or frustrated?

    Good behaviour on a calm afternoon tells a court very little. Ask what the person has seen at the difficult end of a day, and ask for a specific occasion rather than a general characterisation.

11. 11

    Have you heard either parent talk about the other in front of the children?

    This comes up in almost every custody matter and cuts both ways. A witness who has heard nothing should say so plainly; a witness who has heard something should be able to place it in time and say who else was present.

12. 12

    Have you been present at an exchange or a drop-off?

    Exchanges are where conflict is most visible and most often disputed. Anyone who has seen several can speak to a pattern, which is different from and usually more useful than a single bad handover.

13. 13

    Have you seen the children upset, and what happened next?

    The second half is the part that matters. How an adult responded to a crying child, in the witness's own words, carries more than a description of the child's distress on its own.

14. 14

    Is there anything you saw that worried you about the children's safety?

    Ask this directly and then stop talking. If the answer involves possible harm to a child, take it to your attorney before the conversation goes any further, because there may be reporting obligations that sit outside the custody case.

15. 15

    Did you write anything down at the time, or send a message about it?

    Contemporaneous notes, texts and photographs are treated differently from memory. Anything that exists should go to the attorney early, including the parts that are unhelpful, because deleted or withheld material tends to surface at the worst moment.

16. 16

    Are you related to either parent, or do you rely on either of them for work, housing or money?

    Bias is not disqualifying, but it is always explored, and it is far worse when it emerges from the other side than when it is stated up front. Ask about employment, tenancy, loans and shared business interests specifically.

17. 17

    Has anyone told you what to say, or shown you a written statement to agree with?

    The witness will very likely be asked some version of this under oath. The answer needs to be true, which is a reason for the parent to stay out of the detail of what the witness will say.

18. 18

    Which parts of this family's life have you never seen?

    A witness who can name the limits of their own knowledge holds up much better than one who tries to cover everything. It also shows you where the account is thin, which is where the other side will aim.

19. 19

    Is there anything you have seen that would not help the parent who asked you to come?

    Ask it now rather than hearing it in a courtroom. Every honest witness has something in this category, and your attorney can only work with what they know about before the hearing.

20. 20

    Are you willing to say all of this under oath and be questioned about it by the other side?

    Some people who will happily say a thing over coffee will not sign it or sit for cross-examination, and that is worth knowing before a name goes on a list. Ask also whether taking a day off work or appearing remotely is realistic for them.