Questions to Ask a Child if You Suspect Abuse
Open, non-leading questions for an adult who is worried about a child. Your part is to listen and then hand it to the people whose job this is. Anything approaching an investigation belongs with child protection services, the police or a trained interviewer, not with you.
20 questions, each with the reason to ask it · includes a conversation guide
The questions
Open any question to see why it works.
- 1
How are things at home?
An open question with no subject inside it. Children often answer it with nothing much, and that is a normal answer. Its purpose is to leave a door open without suggesting what might be behind it, which matters if anyone later reviews what was said.
- 2
You have seemed quieter than usual. Tell me about that.
This names what you have observed without naming a cause. Saying has someone hurt you supplies the idea and can shape whatever follows, which is the main thing untrained adults get wrong.
- 3
Tell me about your day.
Ordinary and low pressure, which is why it is often where something surfaces. Children rarely disclose in a serious conversation set up for the purpose; they mention things sideways while doing something else.
- 4
Who looks after you when your parents are out?
A practical question that maps the adults and older children around them. It does not accuse anyone and it does not require the child to have a word for what has happened, but it gives you names to pass on if they are needed.
- 5
What happens at your house when people get upset?
Asks about the household's ordinary pattern rather than about a single incident. Children who have nothing to report describe fairly typical things. The answer is theirs to give at whatever level of detail they choose.
- 6
Tell me more about that.
The most useful sentence available to you, and the one trained interviewers rely on most. It invites the child to continue in their own words and adds no information of your own.
- 7
And then what happened?
Keeps an account moving without offering options to choose between. Asking did he do X or Y gives a child two things that may both be wrong, and either can end up in the record as if it came from them.
- 8
You said that word. What does it mean?
Children use their own vocabulary for people, places and parts of the body. Repeat their word back exactly rather than substituting an adult term, because the substitution can change what the account is later understood to mean.
- 9
Where were you when that happened?
An open question that asks for a place rather than confirming a guess. It is the kind of question that lets a child fill in the picture themselves, and it does not require them to agree or disagree with something you have proposed.
- 10
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Ask it and then wait. Children often add the most significant part after a pause, once they have seen how you responded to the first part.
- 11
Is there something you have been worried about telling me?
It leaves the reason unstated, which matters, since a child may be worried about getting someone in trouble, about not being believed, or about something entirely unrelated. Let them define it.
- 12
What made you decide to tell me today?
Disclosures usually follow something: a lesson at school, a programme on television, a change at home, another child speaking up. Note what they say and pass it on rather than exploring it further yourself.
- 13
Are you hurt anywhere right now?
The one question here with an immediate practical purpose. Injury or a child in danger now is a matter for emergency services and medical care, and that decision does not wait on anything else.
- 14
Do you feel safe going home today?
It asks about the child's own sense of things without requiring them to accuse anyone. Whatever the answer, it is information for the professionals you contact, not a decision for you to act on alone.
- 15
Who else knows about this?
Useful to record and not to pursue. Do not contact the other people the child names, and do not ask the child to explain what those people said or did about it.
- 16
Is there another adult you trust?
It tells you who else the child would go to, which matters for what happens next and for the child's sense of having options. It is also a gentler question than most, and can be a place to pause if the child is distressed.
- 17
What would you like to happen now?
Children often want something modest and specific: not to be alone with someone, for a parent not to be told today, for someone to stop shouting. You may not be able to promise it, but it should be recorded and passed on.
- 18
Is it alright if I talk to someone whose job is helping with this?
Ask rather than announce, but do not offer a choice you cannot honour. Never promise secrecy. Children generally accept an honest explanation better than a promise that is later broken.
- 19
What do you want me to do if you want to talk again?
Gives the child a route back that does not depend on you noticing something. A specific arrangement, a time, a place, a signal, works better than telling them the door is always open.
- 20
Do you have any questions for me?
Children usually want to know what happens next and whether they are in trouble. Answer honestly and only within what you actually know, including that you do not know how some of it will go.
What your role is here
Practical guidance for the conversation itself.
You are not conducting an investigation
You are not conducting an investigation
One conversation, not a series of them
Repeated questioning by untrained adults is known to make a child's account harder to rely on later, and it is difficult for the child. Your part is to listen once, calmly, and then involve the agency or professional responsible in your area.
Do not seek details
You do not need to establish what happened, when, or who did it. Enough to be concerned is enough to report. Trained interviewers work in settings designed for this, using methods that hold up if the matter goes further.
Keep your face and voice steady
Shock, anger or tears from you tend to stop a child talking, because most children are watching for whether the adult can cope. Reacting calmly is not the same as reacting mildly, and it is the more useful thing in the moment.
Do not promise to keep it secret
If a child asks you to promise before telling you, say that you will not tell people who do not need to know, and that some things you have to pass on to keep them safe. Say it before they tell you, not afterwards.
How to ask, in plain terms
How to ask, in plain terms
- Open questions only: tell me, explain, describe. Not questions that can be answered yes or no.
- No leading questions. Anything containing a name, an act or a suggestion puts that idea into the account.
- Avoid why questions. Why did you not tell anyone sounds like blame to a child, whatever you intend.
- Use the child's own words for people and body parts. Do not translate them into adult terms.
- Do not ask the same question twice. Children often assume a repeated question means their first answer was wrong.
- Do not interview the child with the person you are worried about anywhere nearby.
- Do not ask the child to show you anything, or examine them.
- Silence is allowed. Long pauses are where most of what a child says arrives.
Immediately afterwards
Immediately afterwards
- 1Write down what was said as close to word for word as you can manage, including your own questions exactly as you asked them.
- 2Record the date, the time, where you were, and who else was present or nearby.
- 3Note anything you observed rather than concluded, such as marks you saw or how the child was behaving, without interpretation.
- 4Contact the child protection or safeguarding body responsible in your area. In a school, nursery or club there is a named person for this, and they take it from there.
- 5If a child is in immediate danger or needs medical attention, that is a matter for emergency services now rather than a report later.
- 6Do not confront the person you suspect, and do not warn them that a report is coming.
- 7Do not discuss it with other parents or staff who do not need to know.
- 8Ask the agency you contacted what you should say to the child next, and follow what they tell you rather than deciding yourself.
Two things worth knowing in advance
Two things worth knowing in advance
- Reporting rules differ by country and by role. Teachers, health workers, coaches and volunteers are required to report in many places, and the threshold is usually reasonable suspicion rather than evidence. Check what applies where you are before you need it.
- Children commonly disclose in fragments, retract what they have said, or describe things out of order. None of that means a child is lying, and none of it is for you to assess. Pass on what you heard, including the parts that do not fit together.