Questions to Ask Your Husband Funny
Twenty light questions built around the specifics of being married to each other rather than generic hypotheticals, with a note on each about how it tends to land and the follow-up that gets the better story.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What's the worst thing I cook that you've been eating politely for years?
Why ask it
Funny because it grants amnesty in advance. Say clearly that you will not be offended and then honor that, because flinching at the answer teaches him not to answer the next one.
Which household appliance do you have the most complicated relationship with?
Why ask it
Absurd on the surface and reliably productive, since everyone has one thing in the house they quietly resent. The follow-up worth asking is what he has been doing to work around it without mentioning it.
What do you think I actually do all day when you're not here?
Why ask it
Works best when you both know the answer is not glamorous. The comedy is in the confident specifics, and there is usually a genuinely wrong assumption in there worth correcting afterwards.
If you had thirty seconds to sell me to a stranger, what's the pitch?
Why ask it
Sounds like a compliment fishing expedition and is not, because the time limit forces jokes rather than sentiment. What he leads with is nonetheless the thing he is proudest of, which is a nice accident.
If our life were a sitcom, what would the running joke be?
Why ask it
Almost every couple has one: the same wrong turn, the same broken drawer, the same argument about the thermostat. Naming it out loud tends to produce a list rather than a single answer.
Which television character am I, and which one are you?
Why ask it
Fun, with one trap: if the character he picks for you is unflattering, ask which trait he means before reacting. Nine times out of ten it is about a mannerism rather than a verdict.
What's the most unnecessary thing you own that you'd defend in court?
Why ask it
Lets him be ridiculous about something he genuinely likes, which is more enjoyable than being asked to justify it. Resist the urge to point out how long it has sat unused.
Is there a chore you do badly on purpose, hoping I'll take it over?
Why ask it
Risky and very funny if the mood is right, so ask it while laughing rather than while looking at the dishwasher. Confessing to one buys him the right to ask you the same question, which is the point.
What did you believe as a child for embarrassingly long?
Why ask it
The length of time is what makes the story, so ask how old he was when the illusion collapsed. Childhood misunderstandings about how bodies, money or geography work are the best category here.
What's the closest you've come to being arrested?
Why ask it
Most men have a story that has never come up because nobody asked in these words. If the answer is genuinely nothing, ask about the worst thing he did that he was never caught for.
What's your most ridiculous injury, and what did you tell people at the time?
Why ask it
The cover story is the funny part and is often better than the injury. Physical comedy travels well, so this is a good one to ask when other people are in the room.
If we were in a horror film, which of us dies first and how stupidly?
Why ask it
Reliably produces an argument nobody minds losing. Both of you will nominate yourselves for competence, and the negotiation about who investigates the noise is the actual entertainment.
What's the stupidest thing you've bought and hoped I wouldn't notice?
Why ask it
Only ask if money is not currently a sore subject, and confess one of your own first. Under those conditions it is funny; without them it becomes an audit.
What's the dumbest argument we've ever had, and who was actually right?
Why ask it
Choose an argument that is safely historical, and let him name it rather than nominating one yourself. If the answer turns out to be a live grievance, drop the joke and hear it out properly.
Is there something I do that you've never mentioned because it's too strange to bring up?
Why ask it
Genuinely funny and mildly dangerous, in that order. Ask it lightly, and if he names something that actually bothers him rather than amuses him, thank him and take it seriously later, not now.
If the neighbors kept a file on us, what would the most damning entry be?
Why ask it
Puts you both on the same side against an imaginary observer, which is why it works so well. Expect shouting through windows, unfortunate garden decisions, and the state of the recycling.
What's the strangest dream you've had about me?
Why ask it
Dreams about a spouse are usually surreal rather than romantic, which is precisely what makes them funny. Do not read anything into it, and say so before he answers, or you will get an edited version.
If you had to be famous for something humiliating, what would you pick?
Why ask it
The constraint does the comedy: he has to choose, so the answer becomes strategic. Ask what the newspaper headline would be, since the headline is funnier than the incident.
What's a small lie you told me early on that you've had to keep up ever since?
Why ask it
Set the size in advance, small, or the question turns into something else entirely. Usually it is about liking a food, a band, a hobby, or a relative, and the maintenance effort is the joke.
What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to us that we never tell anyone?
Why ask it
Ends on something jointly owned rather than at his expense. The reason it never gets told is often that it needs too much context, which makes it exactly the story worth retelling to each other.
Keeping it light and actually funny
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
When to ask
- Choose a moment with nothing at stake: a drive, a takeout dinner, the last half hour of the evening. Funny questions asked in the middle of a chore dispute get heard as complaints.
- One or two questions is the natural dose. A list of twenty read aloud becomes a quiz, and quizzes are not funny.
- Skip them when he is tired or hungry. Humor is the first thing to go, and a flat response to a good question will put you off asking again.
- Long car journeys and waiting rooms are the ideal setting, because there is no exit and nothing else to do.
Getting the better answer
- Ask for the specifics: when, where, who else was there, what he told people afterwards.
- Answer it yourself, badly, first. Going first with your own embarrassing version sets the standard for how honest the game is.
- Laugh at the attempt rather than waiting for something worth laughing at. Men who think they are not funny stop trying about four seconds in.
- Let him be the hero of some of these. Not every question needs to end with him looking foolish, or the game stops being fun for one of you.
If he is not a talker
- Send one by text during the day. Some people are much funnier in writing and need the thinking time.
- Attach it to an activity rather than a conversation: cooking, driving, walking somewhere. Eye contact raises the stakes for no benefit.
- Accept a one-line answer and move on cheerfully. Pressing for elaboration converts a game into an assignment.
- Try again with a question about an object rather than about himself. Appliances, cars and possessions are much easier to be funny about than feelings.
When a joke turns into something real
- Drop the joke as soon as you notice. Continuing to be funny over the top of something real is how a good evening turns into a bad one.
- Say plainly that you would rather hear the real version, then listen without defending yourself for a few minutes.
- Do not use anything he admitted while laughing as evidence later. That is the single fastest way to end this kind of conversation permanently.
- Come back to the light questions another night. It will be fine, as long as the serious thing was actually dealt with rather than laughed off.