Flirty Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
Flirty questions to ask your girlfriend when you're well past wondering whether she likes you and want her to feel chased anyway. There are 58 in five groups: Teasing to get her laughing, Compliments that arrive disguised as questions, Our story for the history only the two of you have, Over text for the hours apart, and Bolder, which is closer and warmer but never crude. Every question has a note on what a good answer sounds like, what to do with it, and when to save it for another day.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Teasing
Be honest: how often do you look at me when you think I'm not paying attention?
Why ask it
A grin and 'never' means all the time, and a real number is braver than it sounds, so reward it. Tell her about the last time you caught her at it, then admit your own count, which ought to be higher.
What do you get away with because you know I think you're adorable?
Why ask it
It tells her she's adorable without making her respond to that. Good replies are confessions: the last bite of dessert, the cold feet, the thermostat. Act shocked at each one and change nothing.
What's doing most of the work for me these days: the face, the jokes or the cooking?
Why ask it
Put your own three in the question, the things you really do bring. The best answer picks none of them and names something you didn't know she'd noticed, like the way you always walk her to her car. If she says 'the cooking' and you can't cook, she's teasing you back, so thank her and offer to make dinner.
How long can you really stay mad at me? I'd like the answer in minutes.
Why ask it
For a peaceful day only, never during an actual argument, where it sounds like you're brushing her off. 'About four minutes, and it annoys me' is the answer you're after. If she says 'depends what you did', there's a story coming, so ask for her personal record.
Which am I better at, annoying you or charming you, and how close is the race?
Why ask it
She'll say annoying, because that's the fun answer, and the flirting is in how she says it. Ask for the most recent example of each. If the annoying list comes out fast and sounds tired instead of amused, stop joking and ask what's been bugging her.
What's something I think I'm smooth at that I'm really not?
Why ask it
You're handing her a free shot, so take it well: winking, parallel parking, pronouncing the menu. Do the thing badly for her on the spot. Sulk at the answer and the game is over, because nobody asks a second question of someone who pouted at the first.
What's the last thing I did that made you think 'I can't take this person anywhere'?
Why ask it
She gets to tell a story in which you're the fool, and most girlfriends have one ready. Listen for the affection under the eye roll, since that's the point of asking. Then promise to do it again somewhere more public.
If we had a staring contest right now, who looks away first, and why is it you?
Why ask it
Don't wait for an answer; start the contest. Half a minute of eye contact does more than any line on this page, and whoever laughs first loses. It works across a restaurant table as well as on the couch.
Do you think I can still surprise you, or have you seen all my moves by now?
Why ask it
'Seen them all' is a dare and not a complaint, so plan something small within the week: her coffee order turning up at work, a note in her bag. If she says you still surprise her, ask which time she means.
If you wrote a review of my flirting, how many stars would it get, and what does the one complaint say?
Why ask it
The complaint is the useful part. 'Too many puns' or 'only flirts when the remote is at stake' is her telling you what she'd like more of. Ask what would earn the fifth star, and write her a glowing review in return.
What's a look of yours that you know works on me every single time?
Why ask it
She knows exactly which one, and getting her to admit she uses it on purpose is the game. Ask for a demonstration and then give in, loudly, to whatever she wanted. If she claims to have no such look, describe it for her.
If you had to rename me based only on how I've behaved today, what's my new nickname?
Why ask it
Ask after a day when you've earned one: you lost the car keys twice, or narrated the entire movie. Answer to the new name for the rest of the evening without complaint. One that stings more than it amuses is a small review of your day, so ask what you did.
Compliments
Did you do something different today, or do you always look like this and I keep being surprised?
Why ask it
Only say it when you mean it, ideally on an ordinary day when she hasn't dressed up. If she has changed something, you get credit for noticing; if she hasn't, the second half does the work. Expect 'what do you want', and answer 'nothing'.
How is anyone meant to get anything done with you sitting there looking like that?
Why ask it
Best said from across the room while she's doing something dull, like answering email in an old sweatshirt. There's no real answer and she isn't meant to have one. A thrown cushion counts as a thank you.
What do you think I noticed about you first? You get three guesses.
Why ask it
Her guesses show what she assumes people see in her, and she's often wrong, which lets you correct her with something better. Have the true answer ready and make it specific: the way she laughed before the joke was finished beats 'your eyes'. No changing it to match her guess.
Do you have any idea how smug I get walking into a room with you?
Why ask it
Say it on the way into the party or the restaurant, low enough that only she hears. 'You should be' is the right reply and she knows it. Save it for a night when she isn't sure about the outfit or the crowd, because it tells her you're proud to be the one beside her, whatever she's wearing.
Which compliment from me do you remember word for word?
Why ask it
A quick answer means one landed harder than you knew, and now you know which kind she keeps. If she can't think of one, that's information and not an insult. Give her a better one right then, about something she did and not how she looks.
Is there anything you're bad at, or should I stop looking?
Why ask it
Ask it just after she has done something well: fixed the printer, won the argument, parked in one go. She'll list her failures with glee and you get to dispute every one. Without a real moment behind it, this is only flattery.
Which of your faces do you think is my favorite: the concentrating one, the trying-not-to-laugh one, or the one you make at dogs?
Why ask it
Swap in three faces she actually makes, since the compliment is that you've been keeping track. She'll deny having a dog face. Pick your winner, do an impression of it, and accept the consequences.
Do you know you're at your prettiest when you've just woken up and are grumpy about it?
Why ask it
A compliment for the moment she'd least expect one, which is why she's more likely to believe it than one paid to a party outfit. 'You're lying' is the standard reply; stand your ground. Don't follow it with a photo, which undoes all the goodwill.
Can I tell you what my friends said about you after they met you?
Why ask it
Only ask if you have something true and kind to report, in their words if you can remember them. She can put your praise down to bias, and it's harder to argue with people who had no reason to flatter her. She may ask what your mother said next, so have that ready as well.
How did someone with taste as good as yours end up choosing me?
Why ask it
Ask right after she has picked well: the restaurant, the gift for your sister, the paint for the hallway. 'I was tired that day' is the answer to laugh at. Keep it a joke and ask once, because pushed a second time it turns into a request for reassurance, which is work for her and not flirting.
How do you get a whole room to relax just by walking into it?
Why ask it
Change the skill to one of hers: remembering names, calming a toddler, making a spreadsheet funny. A compliment on something she does is harder to wave away than one on her looks. She'll often explain where she learned it, and that may be a story you haven't heard.
Our story
Before we'd ever spoken, what did you guess I'd be like, and how wrong were you?
Why ask it
Brace for 'arrogant' or 'boring' and laugh at it. What you want is the turn in the story, the point where she changed her mind, so ask what did it. Then give her your own wrong first guess about her, unflattering part included.
At what point on our first date did you decide there'd be a second?
Why ask it
She'll name a minute you barely noticed: when you were kind to the waiter, when you got lost and stayed cheerful. That's the thing to keep doing. If she wasn't sure until the third date, you're allowed to be mock offended for exactly one sentence.
What's the worst line I used on you early on that somehow worked?
Why ask it
She remembers it perfectly and you probably don't, which is half the fun. Own it, and ask whether it would still work today. Try it on her again next week, with no warning, to find out.
Which of us fell first? I know my answer, and I want yours before I say it.
Why ask it
The two of you may never agree, and the disagreement is the flirting. If each of you says the other fell first, demand dates and evidence. If each of you claims the title, nobody loses.
How many drafts did your first message to me go through?
Why ask it
'One, I'm not a coward' and 'four, and my roommate edited it' are both good answers. Offer your own number first if she hesitates, and make it high. If the original thread still exists, scroll back and read it aloud in a dramatic voice.
Want to test whether I remember what you were wearing the day we met?
Why ask it
Don't ask unless you remember, or can get close with confidence. Getting it right is one of the stronger compliments on this page: it says you were paying attention before you had any reason to. Getting it wrong costs you ten minutes of teasing, which is a fair price.
Where were we the first time you thought, 'I could get used to this'?
Why ask it
It's seldom a big date. Expect a grocery run, a long drive, a night you both had colds. Take note of the place and what you were doing, since that's her picture of the two of you at your best, and a cheap evening to repeat.
What did you nearly say to me in the early days and lose your nerve?
Why ask it
She can say it now with nothing at stake, and it's usually sweet: 'I like you' three weeks early, or an invitation she swallowed. Thank her as if it had just been said for the first time. If she laughs and shakes her head, leave it; some things are more fun kept.
How would you rate our first kiss out of ten, and what's the score these days?
Why ask it
A low first score is no insult when the second number is higher, and a clumsy start makes the better story. Ask what she remembers about where you were standing. Should she need a fresh sample before she can answer, that's the answer.
Which song puts you straight back in the weeks when we were new?
Why ask it
Have it playing by the time she finishes explaining why. If you each name a different song, you have the first two tracks of a playlist to build together. Good for a car ride, where you can turn it up.
Which early photo of us do you still go back and look at?
Why ask it
If she can name it straight away, ask her to pull it up and tell you what was happening just outside the frame; the day is usually what she's kept it for. No early photos at all? Take one tonight and call it overdue.
Over text
I'm supposed to be working and I'm thinking about you instead. What are you going to do about it?
Why ask it
Send it mid-afternoon on a dull day, when it's true. A good reply takes the blame happily or turns it around: 'sounds like a you problem' is flirting too. Skip it when you know she's in a meeting or an exam, because it should be a nice thing to find and not a thing to manage.
How much do you miss me right now: a little, a lot, or 'come over'?
Why ask it
The third option is an invitation she can accept by copying it back. 'A little' with a wink is her making you earn it, so ask what would move the number. Send it after a day or two apart, not an hour after you left her place, when the honest answer is that she's barely had time to.
What's the one text I could send right now that would make you grin at your phone in public?
Why ask it
She writes your next message for you, so send it back exactly as dictated, then send a better one tomorrow without being asked. If she says 'that we're getting tacos', she's hungry, not unromantic. Get the tacos.
Do I get a hint about what you're wearing on Friday, or do I just show up and be speechless?
Why ask it
For the day before a date you have actually planned. It tells her you're looking forward to it and that her effort will be noticed. Whatever she replies, be a little speechless on Friday, out loud.
Three words for how you feel about me right now. Go.
Why ask it
The time limit keeps it playful, and whatever comes back fast is honest: 'hungry, fond, sleepy' is a love letter on a weekday. Send your three for her straight after. If one of her words is 'annoyed', ask about it on a call and not by text.
What's saved under my name in your phone, and is it time I got a promotion?
Why ask it
Ask for a screenshot as proof. A plain first name after a year calls for negotiation; an old joke or a heart means she got there before you did. Send back what she's saved as in yours, and upgrade it first if it needs it.
Are you free tonight, or do I have to book you further in advance these days?
Why ask it
A way to ask for her time without sounding needy, good when you've both been busy. If she isn't free, 'Thursday, and I'm all yours' is as good as a yes. Several nights of no with no other night offered isn't a flirting matter, so ask her plainly and in person how she's doing.
Can I call you for two minutes just to hear your voice, or would that wreck your tough reputation?
Why ask it
Asking first is the polite part, since some people hate a surprise call. If she says yes, keep it to the two minutes you promised, so the next time you ask she doesn't have to check her calendar. 'Can't talk, text me' is a schedule and not a rejection.
How many hours until I see you? I've lost count, and I'm blaming you.
Why ask it
For long-distance couples and the day of a date alike. If she answers with the exact number, she has been counting too. Reply with where you'll be standing when she arrives, and then be standing there.
Good morning. Out of ten, how much do you wish someone had brought you coffee already?
Why ask it
A first message of the day that beats 'morning'. A ten is an order: turn up with one if you live close enough, or send her the price of a cup if you don't. Know her schedule, because two hours into her shift it only reminds her how early she got up.
I've saved you the good end of the couch. What time are you getting here?
Why ask it
Flirty because it's so ordinary: you're telling her the evening is better with her in it. Add what's for dinner and the offer gets hard to refuse. If she can't come, send a picture of the empty seat.
What should I dream about tonight? You're allowed to nominate yourself.
Why ask it
A goodnight text for when 'sleep well' has become automatic. She'll either nominate herself or assign you something absurd, like the two of you running a llama farm. Report back in the morning, inventing freely.
Bolder
What do I do that still gives you butterflies?
Why ask it
The classic, and worth asking plainly. Small answers are the real ones: your hand on her back in a crowd, the way you say her name when you're half asleep. Don't perform it on demand afterward, just keep doing it, and if she needs time to think, go first.
What kind of hello do you want when I walk in the door: the two-second one, or the end-of-the-movie one?
Why ask it
It's easy to drift into the two-second version without ever deciding to. If she picks the movie one, deliver it the very next time you come in, grocery bags and all. If it 'depends on the day', ask how you're supposed to tell which day it is.
When was the last time you wanted to kiss me and it was a terrible moment for it?
Why ask it
You'll get a scene: the middle of her cousin's wedding speech, the checkout line, a table full of your coworkers. Tell her yours. Then point out that this moment isn't terrible at all.
How close would I have to sit before you lost track of what you were saying?
Why ask it
Ask while she's telling a story, then move over a few inches at a time and let her carry on. If she finishes the whole thing unbothered, she wins and you concede. Not one to try when she's telling you something that matters to her.
Do you want to know what I was thinking the last time you caught me staring?
Why ask it
She'll say yes, so have a true answer, and make it sweet instead of clever: 'that I got lucky' is plenty. Say it quietly and don't hurry. A joke here wastes the best setup on the page.
Where are we when you most want me to take your hand: in a crowd, on a quiet street, or in front of your friends?
Why ask it
Some people love having their hand held in public and some would keep it private, and you can guess wrong for a year without knowing. Whatever she picks, do it there next time without mentioning this conversation. If the answer is 'not in front of my family yet', take that at face value.
What's a romantic gesture that would embarrass you a little and that you'd secretly love?
Why ask it
Her real wishes tend to hide at the embarrassing edge: flowers sent to her office, a song dedicated at a wedding, a handwritten letter. Check where 'a little' ends and 'never do this' begins, since public gestures are a horror to some people. Then do the tamest version.
If I put one song on right now, would you dance with me in the living room?
Why ask it
Choose the song before you ask, something slow enough that neither of you has to be good at it, and hold out a hand while she's still deciding. A hand is harder to turn down than a question. For someone shy about dancing, swaying on the spot for one chorus counts, and so does a 'later' that you remember.
I'm planning our next day off around you. What three things does it have to include?
Why ask it
Three is few enough that she'll say what she really wants: sleeping in, a certain noodle place, no phones. Build the day from her list and add one thing she didn't ask for. 'You choose' means she'd like to be surprised, so don't make her pick again.
If tonight were our first date all over again, what would you want me to do differently at the door?
Why ask it
A sideways way to learn how she'd have liked the first one to end: a kiss you didn't go for, a goodbye that was over too fast. Then walk her to the door tonight and get it right. It belongs at the end of an evening out.
If I whispered something in your ear right now, would you want it sweet or would you want it to make you laugh?
Why ask it
Have one of each ready, because she'll pick fast and then wait. Sweet can be as short as 'I'm glad it's you'; funny is an inside joke delivered in a very serious voice. It suits a loud room, a wedding reception or a concert, where leaning in is the only way to be heard anyway.
Come here. Do you want the long hug or the very long hug?
Why ask it
A closing line, since both options are yes. At the end of a hard day, use it in place of every cleverer question here, when she wants to be held and not quizzed. Let her be the one who lets go first.
How to flirt with your girlfriend without sounding like a list
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Getting the tone right
She already said yes
Flirting with a girl you've just met is a way of asking a question. With your girlfriend the answer is in, so flirting becomes a way of saying you'd ask again. That is why these questions can be sillier and more specific than anything you'd try on a stranger: they lean on what you know about her.
Put her in the question
Nearly every question here has a slot for a detail: a face she makes, a thing she's good at, a place the two of you went. Fill it with the real one before you ask. 'The face you make at dogs' is flirting; 'your beautiful smile' is a greeting card.
Pick the moment before the question
Teasing needs her to have the energy to tease back. After a good meal, on a walk or on a slow Sunday is right; ten minutes after she gets home from a bad day is wrong. If she's worn out, go straight to the hug question at the bottom of the list and leave the rest.
Tease her strengths
Tease her about things she's proud of or doesn't mind: her competitiveness, her taste in reality shows, her rule over the thermostat. Stay off anything she has told you she's self-conscious about, even as a joke. If you aren't sure which side of the line a subject is on, treat it as the wrong side.
Asking in person
Why the groups run in this order
Teasing gets her laughing, and a compliment lands better on someone who is already laughing. Our story needs time, so it suits dinner or a drive. Bolder is last because those questions ask for closeness, and they only feel natural once the evening has warmed up.
Two or three is an evening
One question that turns into half an hour of arguing about who fell first has done more than twenty asked in a row. When one takes off, drop the plan and follow it. Reading the next question off your phone turns a flirtation into a survey.
Go first on the hard ones
If you ask what gives her butterflies and she hesitates, answer for yourself and give her a moment. Your answers are half of the flirting anyway. A conversation in which only she reveals things starts to feel like an interview.
Finish what the question starts
Many of these are set-ups: the staring contest, the hello at the door, the song in the living room. The question only opens the door, so do the thing. Asking which text would make her grin and then never sending it is worse than not asking.
Flirting by text
One message, then wait
Send a single question and let it sit. If you fire off three before she has answered the first, she'll reply to one and the others are wasted. A flirty text is meant to be a small good thing in her day, not a task.
Tone doesn't travel
A tease that is plainly a joke across the table can read as a complaint on a screen. If a question could be taken two ways, add a line that leaves only the friendly reading, or keep it for when she can see your face.
A slow reply is a busy day
Don't follow a flirty message with 'hello?' an hour later. She saw it, and she'll answer when she can enjoy it. If waiting makes you anxious, send these in the evening when you know she's free.
Send nothing you'd mind being passed on
Nothing in the Over text group asks her for a picture of herself, and that's deliberate. Messages and pictures can be saved and shown around, so keep both to what you'd be comfortable with a friend of hers seeing, and never press her for a photo.
Collect in person
If she told you by text which hello she wants or what your next day off has to include, remember it at the door. Following through face to face is what makes your next flirty text worth answering.
What her answers tell you
She's enjoying it
She teases back, turns the question on you, or brings one up again the next day. Sarcasm counts: 'you wish', said with a smile, is a yes. So does stealing your phone to see what else is on the list.
She isn't in the mood
Short answers, a change of subject or 'why are you asking me this' usually mean the wrong night and not the wrong question. Say 'fair, forget it' and do something kind and ordinary instead, like making her tea. Throwing a second and third question after the first to rescue it makes things worse.
A joke lands on something sore
If a tease gets a real flinch, drop the bit at once and say sorry in one sentence. Don't explain that you were joking; she knows. Later, pay her an honest compliment on that very subject.
She sets the pace on the bolder ones
The Bolder group asks about kissing and closeness, and a question is never a claim on her. If she laughs one off or says 'not now', that's the end of it, and you take it cheerfully. Being easy to say no to is attractive in its own right.
When it has been flat for a while
If playful questions have met tiredness for weeks, a better list isn't the answer. Ask her directly and kindly how she's doing and whether something is on her mind, at a time when you can both talk. Flirting is for when things are good or nearly good, and it can't stand in for a real conversation.