Questions to Ask a Rabbi
Questions to ask a rabbi, whether you are visiting a synagogue with a class, new to Judaism, returning to it, marrying into it, or considering conversion. The first group is about the rabbi's own path and work, and it doubles as interview questions to ask a rabbi for a school assignment or a profile. After that come the questions to ask about Judaism as it is lived: visiting and community, practice, belief, and family and life events. The guide below covers how to ask a rabbi a question when you do not have a rabbi of your own, and how to set up an interview.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
What made you decide to become a rabbi?
Why ask it
Plenty of rabbis came to it late, so this often produces a story with a turn in it: a teacher, a loss, a first career that stopped making sense. It is also the quickest way to learn what they think the job is for, and that colours every answer that follows.
What does a rabbi actually do between one Shabbat and the next?
Why ask it
People picture the sermon and miss the rest: teaching, hospital and house visits, funerals, weddings, meetings and questions of Jewish law. A rabbi is a teacher and not a priest, and a service can run without one, so ask which part of the week they would keep if they could keep only one.
Is this congregation Orthodox, Conservative, Reform or something else, and what does that change?
Why ask it
Nearly every later answer depends on this one. The movements differ on the liturgy, the roles open to women, who counts as Jewish and how binding Jewish law is taken to be, and they go by different names in different countries, so ask what the label means here. Notice how the rabbi speaks about the others: a fair account of them bodes well for the rest of the conversation.
How does someone become a rabbi, and where did you train?
Why ask it
Ordination follows years of study at a seminary or yeshiva, and the length, the curriculum and who may be ordained all differ between movements. Where a rabbi trained tells you which tradition of argument formed them. Ask what they had to unlearn once they had a congregation of their own.
Where would you tell someone with no background at all to start?
Why ask it
Watch whether the answer starts with practice or with study. Some rabbis will point you to an introductory class or a text, others will tell you to come to a Shabbat dinner and see how it feels. Both are legitimate, and the choice tells you how this community thinks people actually learn.
Can women be rabbis, and what part do women take in services here?
Why ask it
It depends on the movement. Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist seminaries ordain women and most Orthodox communities do not, though women teach and lead there in other roles. The second part touches a visitor sooner: who reads from the Torah, who counts towards the minyan, the ten adults needed for certain prayers, and whether men and women sit together.
What is the hardest part of being a rabbi, and what is the best part?
Why ask it
Asked as a pair, this gets past the polite version of the job. The hard part is often something a visitor never sees, such as taking a funeral in the morning and a wedding the same afternoon, or never being quite off duty at a neighbour's dinner table. If the best part arrives with a name or a particular day attached, you have had an honest answer.
What do people come to you for help with, apart from religious questions?
Why ask it
Rabbis are often drawn into illness, family rows, money trouble and decisions at the end of a life, and none of that shows from the pews. Hearing it described tells you what support would be open to you here and whether you would want it. Do not press for examples: what people bring to a rabbi is kept in confidence.
Who taught you, and what do you still do the way they did?
Why ask it
Rabbis tend to place themselves in a line of teachers, and the one who mattered usually comes to mind at once. The second half is what gives an interviewer something to write down: a habit of reading, a way of answering a question with a question, a tune used at the same point in a service.
What did your family make of it when you said you wanted to be a rabbi?
Why ask it
Some rabbis grew up in a rabbi's house and some were the first observant person their family had seen in a generation, and the two stories sound nothing alike. It is a kind question for a profile, since it lets them talk about parents and home without being asked to defend a belief.
How do you choose what to speak about each week, and how long does a sermon take to write?
Why ask it
The usual starting point is the weekly Torah portion, read on a fixed cycle, so the text is given and the angle is the rabbi's. Follow with a sermon that went badly, or one a member argued with afterwards. Those stories show how the room talks back.
Shabbat is your busiest working day. When do you rest?
Why ask it
The day of rest is a day of work for the person leading it, and rabbis solve that in different ways: a weekday kept clear, a rule about the phone, an early hour before the house is awake. It sounds like a light question and often draws a candid reply about what the job costs.
Which day in this work has stayed with you longest?
Why ask it
Asking for one day gets a scene with people in it, which is what a paper or an article needs and a list of duties cannot give. It may be a hard one, a funeral or a hospital room, so let the rabbi choose how much to tell and leave names out of it.
What would you say to a teenager who told you they wanted to be a rabbi?
Why ask it
A natural one from a student interviewer, though it works at any age. What they would warn about and what they would promise add up to a short, frank account of the job. If you are that teenager, say so.
Community
What happens if I just turn up on a Friday night, and what should I expect?
Why ask it
The practical question people are too self-conscious to ask. You want the length of the service, whether there is a meal afterwards, what to wear, and whether anyone will speak to you. Find out too whether to give your name in advance, because many synagogues keep security on the door and like to know who is coming.
I cannot read Hebrew. Will I be lost?
Why ask it
It varies a great deal. Some services run almost wholly in Hebrew with few page announcements, and others move between languages and steer newcomers through. The detail to pin down is whether the prayer book has transliteration, Hebrew spelled out in English letters, because that decides whether you can join the singing or only watch it.
I am not Jewish. Am I welcome at a service, and is there anything I should avoid doing?
Why ask it
Almost always yes, and asking in advance is appreciated, not awkward. The details to get are where to sit if seating is separate, whether to cover your head, and whether phones, photographs and note-taking are off limits on Shabbat. Some honours in the service are kept for Jewish members, and nobody will expect you to take one.
What is kept in the ark, and may we see a Torah scroll up close?
Why ask it
The ark is the cabinet at the front that holds the Torah scrolls, each written by hand on parchment, and a rabbi hosting a class will often open it. Good follow-ups are how long a scroll takes to write and what is done when a letter fades. Wait to be shown before you touch anything: readers follow the text with a pointer and keep their fingers off the parchment.
What is expected of members here, and what does belonging cost?
Why ask it
Put it plainly: dues, High Holiday tickets, school fees, and whether reductions exist, since many congregations offer them without advertising it. How a synagogue is paid for differs from country to country and from one congregation to the next, so take nothing as standard. Then find out what is expected in time, such as helping make up a minyan or volunteering, which is often the bigger commitment.
What would you say to someone who wants to belong here but does not believe?
Why ask it
Judaism has long made room for practice without settled belief, and some rabbis will tell you that turning up is the substance and not the preliminary. Others will want more from you. Say honestly where you stand, because the reply decides whether you would be a full participant here or a permanent guest.
What place does Israel have in this community, and how do you handle disagreement about it?
Why ask it
Congregations differ enormously on this, and so do the members inside any one of them. A rabbi able to describe how people who disagree stay in the same room is showing you whether dissent is survivable here, and one who says there is no disagreement has answered too. This is a question for listening: a visitor who arrives with a position to argue learns very little.
How has antisemitism touched this community, and what is useful for a neighbour to do?
Why ask it
The reply is often more concrete than visitors expect: locked doors, a guard at the entrance, children coached on what to say at school. Only ask what a neighbour can do if you mean to do it. A specific request, such as turning up, speaking up or a call after bad news, is something you can act on, and sympathy alone is not.
Practice
What is Shabbat, and how do people here actually keep it?
Why ask it
Shabbat runs from sunset on Friday to nightfall on Saturday and is a day of rest, but what rest means is where communities part. Ask what a typical family in this congregation does about driving, phones, cooking and work. The gap between the ideal and the lived version is the useful part, along with whether someone who keeps very little of it would feel judged.
What does keeping kosher involve, and how strictly do people here keep it?
Why ask it
Most visitors know about pork and shellfish and little else. Keeping kosher runs across a range: meat and dairy kept apart, certified products only, strict at home and flexible when out, or going vegetarian to simplify it. The part that reaches you first is the communal meal, so find out what you may bring to one and what would be expected if you hosted.
What are the kippah, the tallit and tefillin for, and who wears them here?
Why ask it
The head covering is a custom of reverence. The fringed prayer shawl and tefillin, small leather boxes holding passages of the Torah and bound on for weekday morning prayer, both come from commandments in it. Who wears which is one of the clearest differences between communities, and a visitor is usually offered a kippah at the door and not expected to wear the rest.
How do I pray if I have never done it and do not know the words?
Why ask it
Jewish prayer is mostly a fixed liturgy said together, which is a relief to some people and a wall to others. Ask whether sitting and listening counts, whether praying in English is fine, and which single prayer the rabbi would teach you first. A good answer makes the prayer book smaller, not larger.
Which holidays matter most, and which would you invite a newcomer to first?
Why ask it
The weight of the calendar is not where outsiders assume: Hanukkah is a minor festival, while Yom Kippur, Passover and the weekly Shabbat sit far higher. A Passover seder or a Purim evening makes an easier first visit than a long fast-day service, and the rabbi will know which table has a spare chair.
What do Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur ask of a person, beyond coming to services?
Why ask it
Rosh Hashanah is the new year and Yom Kippur the Day of Atonement, and the ten days from one to the other are meant for looking back over the year and putting things right. Many rabbis will stress that a wrong done to another person has to be taken to that person and cannot be settled in prayer alone. How they go about that themselves is harder to answer than what the liturgy says, which makes it the better follow-up.
What is a mitzvah: a commandment, a good deed, or both?
Why ask it
The word means commandment, and everyday speech has softened it into a kind act. Which meaning the rabbi leans on shows whether practice here is framed as obligation or as choice. Follow up by asking which mitzvah they would most hate to see their congregation drop.
How is tzedakah different from charity?
Why ask it
The Hebrew comes from the word for justice, so giving is treated as something owed and not only as generosity. Three things show how that is lived locally: whether people give a customary share of income, where the congregation's own giving goes, and how children are taught it.
Could I study with someone here, and what would we read?
Why ask it
Study counts as a religious act in its own right and is traditionally done in pairs, arguing over a text line by line. There may be a beginners' class, a weekly Torah portion group, or a member willing to sit with you. An answer with a day and a room in it is an invitation, so take it.
How does your movement decide which practices can change and which cannot?
Why ask it
Every movement in Judaism has a position on this, and they disagree with one another about it. Ask for one change made in living memory and one that has been refused. That pair will tell you more about where you have walked in than any label.
What do you do when Jewish law and your own conscience pull against each other?
Why ask it
This asks for something personal, so leave a silence after it. Replies run from submitting to the law, to working inside it for a different ruling, to admitting a real break. Whichever you hear marks how much room your own conscience would have in this community.
Belief
What do Jews believe about God, and how much disagreement is there?
Why ask it
The starting point is that God is one. Beyond that, expect more variety than most people arriving from a Christian background anticipate, including members who are unsure and members for whom practice is not mainly about belief. A reply that maps the range without handing down a doctrine shows how Judaism treats argument.
Have you ever doubted, and what did you do with the doubt?
Why ask it
A fair question for anyone whose work is faith, and it need not be asked apologetically. Listen for whether doubt is described as a stage they came through or as something that still sits beside them in services. If your own doubt is the reason for asking, say so, and the conversation will turn from their story to yours.
Is being Jewish a religion, a people, or a culture?
Why ask it
Usually the answer is all three, and that explains things that puzzle outsiders: a Jew who believes nothing is still a Jew, and a convert joins a people as well as a faith. Notice which of the three the rabbi starts with, because that is likely the one this congregation leans on.
What is the difference between the Torah and the Talmud, and which do you spend more time in?
Why ask it
Visitors often assume Judaism is the Hebrew Bible read plainly, and this corrects it. The Torah is the five books of Moses; the Talmud is the vast record of rabbinic argument over how to live by them, and much of daily practice comes from that second layer. How much authority a rabbi gives it is a fair map of their movement.
How do you read the parts of the Torah you find difficult?
Why ask it
Interpretation sits at the centre of Judaism, so this is an invitation and not a challenge. Notice whether a hard passage is explained away, held open, or read through centuries of commentary that already argued about it. Bring one real example, because the method shows only when there is a verse on the table.
What does Judaism say a person is here to do?
Why ask it
Expect a reply about conduct more than salvation: keeping the commandments, repairing what is broken, how you treat the person in front of you. If you are given a story or a line of text, ask what the rabbi does differently on an ordinary Tuesday because of it.
Why do good people suffer, and what does the tradition do with that question?
Why ask it
No rabbi has a formula, and the honest ones say so. The tradition has argued this in the open since the Book of Job and tends to distrust tidy explanations. If you are asking because of a particular loss, say that: you will get a gentler conversation than the classroom one.
What does Judaism say about what happens after we die?
Why ask it
People expecting a detailed map of heaven and hell are usually surprised. Jewish tradition holds several views and puts far less weight on the afterlife than on conduct now, and many rabbis will say plainly that they do not know. See whether not knowing is treated as a failure or as ordinary.
What do Jews mean by the Messiah, and are you waiting for one?
Why ask it
The traditional hope is for a human leader and an age of peace still to come, and some liberal movements speak of the age without the person. Then comes the personal part. Longing, irony or a shrug each tell you how the idea lives in this community.
How does Judaism see Jesus?
Why ask it
Christian visitors nearly always wonder and seldom ask, and a plain question is not rude. The short version is that Jesus has no place in Jewish worship and is not regarded as the Messiah or as divine, while many rabbis will talk readily about him as a Jew of his own century. Ask it to understand, and leave the debate for another day.
What does it mean to call the Jews a chosen people?
Why ask it
Few phrases are misread as often. The usual explanation is chosen for obligations, meaning the commandments, and not for privilege or superiority, and Reconstructionist Judaism set the language aside altogether. If the rabbi is uneasy with the phrase and tells you why, that unease is a real answer.
What does Judaism teach about people of other faiths, or of none?
Why ask it
The tradition does not hold that a person must be Jewish to live rightly, which is one reason it does not go looking for converts. The local test is practical: shared work with churches and mosques, guests at services, and how other religions are spoken about when no guests are in the room.
Family
Who counts as Jewish in this community?
Why ask it
The traditional rule is a Jewish mother or a conversion. Some liberal movements also accept a Jewish father where the child was raised as a Jew, and other communities do not recognise that. If your own family is mixed, describe it exactly, because the answer affects membership, weddings and your children, and it changes from one congregation to the next.
My partner is not Jewish. What is your position, and what would that mean for us?
Why ask it
Practice differs sharply on four things: officiating at an interfaith wedding, membership, roles in a service, and the status of children. Go through all four by name. A general welcome is easy to give, so ask what would actually be different for your children.
If I wanted to convert, what would that actually involve and how long would it take?
Why ask it
The usual elements are a period of study that often runs a year or more, living Jewishly during it, a rabbinic court called a beit din, immersion in a ritual bath and, in most movements, circumcision for men. Requirements differ, so ask which apply here. Ask also which communities would recognise the conversion afterwards, since recognition varies between movements and in Israel, and that matters later.
Would you officiate at our wedding, and what do you ask of a couple beforehand?
Why ask it
Get the conditions before you fix a date: how many meetings, any study expected, the days of the year on which weddings are not held, and what the rabbi will and will not include in the ceremony. The religious ceremony and the civil registration are separate matters in many places, so ask how the legal side works where you live.
How do you welcome a new baby, and what would we need to arrange?
Why ask it
For a boy the tradition is circumcision on the eighth day, which leaves very little time to plan once the baby has arrived. Naming ceremonies for girls vary far more between communities. Raise it well before the due date: who performs what, where it is held, and how a Hebrew name is chosen.
What is a bar or bat mitzvah actually marking?
Why ask it
Less than the party suggests and more than a performance. It is the age, traditionally thirteen for a boy and twelve or thirteen for a girl, at which a young person becomes responsible for the commandments, and being called to the Torah is how the community marks it. Find out what the preparation involves here and whether adults who missed theirs can still have one.
How do we raise children who feel Jewish if we do very little at home?
Why ask it
Put this bluntly and you tend to get practical advice instead of a lecture. Listen for whether the rabbi starts with school and classes or with one small habit at home, such as candles and a meal on Friday night. One who asks what you already do, however little, is working from your life and not from an ideal family.
How do you talk to children about the hardest parts of Jewish history?
Why ask it
The reply lays out a whole approach to education. The details to listen for are the age at which the Holocaust is taught here, how present-day antisemitism is discussed, and whether the weight falls on persecution or on continuity. If you have children, this shapes how they will come to see themselves.
What is expected of me when someone in my family dies?
Why ask it
Worth asking before you need it. Jewish mourning has a set shape: prompt burial, shiva at home in the first week, kaddish said over a fixed period, the unveiling of the stone, then the yahrzeit each year. Customs and the help on offer differ by community, so ask what happens here and who you would call first.
I have been invited to a shiva. What should I do, and what should I not say?
Why ask it
People stay away from a house of mourning for fear of getting it wrong, and staying away is the one real mistake. Check whether to knock, whether to bring food and whether it must be kosher, and learn the custom of letting the mourner speak first. The rabbi will probably tell you that sitting quietly is enough.
Is it true that a Jew with a tattoo cannot be buried in a Jewish cemetery?
Why ask it
A belief many Jewish families grew up with, and better settled with a rabbi than with a relative. The usual answer is that the Torah does contain a ban on tattooing but that a tattoo does not bar anyone from Jewish burial. A particular cemetery or burial society can set its own rules, so if it bears on your family, ask about yours.
Closing
Which holiday, text or practice do you love most, and why that one?
Why ask it
Enthusiasm is easier to follow than doctrine. The choice is usually something small and specific, a melody, a verse, the last hour of Yom Kippur, and it shows you what keeps this person in the work. It also suits a class visit, where a personal answer holds a room better than a definition.
What do visitors most often get wrong about Judaism, and what do you wish they asked instead?
Why ask it
A rabbi who hosts visitors hears the same handful of questions again and again, so this one tends to wake the conversation up. The mistake they name shows which assumption about Jews has worn thin. Whatever they wish they were asked, ask it on the spot.
What worries you about the next twenty years for this community, and what gives you hope?
Why ask it
An interview ends better on the future than on the past. The worry is usually concrete, such as fewer young families, the cost of the building or security, and the hope is often a single person or a class they teach. Report both, since either one alone misrepresents the answer.
If I quote you in what I write, how should I describe you and this congregation?
Why ask it
Titles and labels are easy to get wrong: senior or associate rabbi, the congregation's full name, and a movement that goes by a different name in another country. Asking takes ten seconds and saves a correction later. Offer to send the quotes back for a check of the facts if your teacher or editor allows it.
May I come back with more questions, and how is it best to reach you?
Why ask it
One meeting rarely covers it, and asking gives the rabbi room to say how much time they have. Get the practical details: email or the office, a class you could join instead, and which days are out. In observant communities nobody will answer a phone or a message on Shabbat or a festival.
If I only spoke to you once, what would you want me to leave with?
Why ask it
Save this for last. The reply is often the most personal thing you hear all visit, and whether it is a practice to try, a text to read or an invitation for a particular Friday, it hands you a next step where a general welcome would not.
Approaching a rabbi
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Making contact
Say plainly where you are coming from
New to all of this, raised Jewish and out of touch for twenty years, marrying into a Jewish family, or considering conversion. Rabbis answer very differently depending on which it is, and the first email is the easiest place to say it. None of these is an unusual thing for a rabbi to hear.
Avoid the busiest weeks
The period around the High Holidays and Passover is the least likely time to get an unhurried hour. If your question needs time, ask for an appointment outside those weeks, or ask whether a short conversation now and a longer one later would work better.
Visit more than one community
The differences between movements, and between two congregations of the same movement, are large enough that one visit tells you little. Sit through a service in two or three places before deciding anything, and treat the atmosphere as information rather than as a detail.
Ask about cost early and without embarrassment
Dues, tickets, and school fees are ordinary administration, and many communities have arrangements for people who cannot meet them. Asking at the start is far easier than discovering the numbers after you have grown attached to the place.
How to ask a rabbi a question when you do not have one
You do not need to belong anywhere to ask. Many congregational rabbis will answer a short, specific email from a stranger, and several Jewish organisations run ask-the-rabbi services online. Check which movement is answering before you take the reply as the Jewish view, and bring anything about your own family's status to a rabbi who can hear the whole story.
Coming with a class or a group
Send your questions ahead if you can, and mix the factual ones with one or two about the rabbi's own life. Plain curiosity about food rules, head coverings or Jesus is expected and will not offend. Before a Shabbat visit, check whether photographs and note-taking are allowed.
Interviewing a rabbi for a class or an article
Say in the first message that it is an interview, who it is for and how long you need. Ask before you record, and do not plan to record or take notes on Shabbat or a festival. Begin with the questions about the rabbi's own path, pick the four or five about Judaism that your assignment actually needs, and leave room for the answer that runs long.
In the conversation
- Address the rabbi as Rabbi, followed by the name they sign their emails with, until you are told otherwise.
- Ask which movement you are speaking to before you generalise from an answer. Almost every question here has several legitimate answers depending on that.
- Expect a question back. Rabbinic conversation often works by asking rather than answering, and this is engagement, not evasion.
- Ask about the rabbi's own practice as well as the rule. What do you do, and has that changed, usually gets a fuller answer than what does Judaism say.
- Say what you do not know. There is no expected baseline for a newcomer, and pretending to one usually means the answer you get is pitched wrong.
- Follow any principle with a practical case. What would that mean for my Friday nights, or for my son, turns a position into something usable.
- Distinguish between what Jewish law requires and what this particular community does. They are not the same, and the gap is worth knowing.
- Ask about mourning, illness, and lifecycle events before you need them. These are the moments when belonging to a community becomes concrete.
Common misunderstandings to avoid
Assuming Judaism works like a church
Membership, belief, and attendance function differently. A congregation is closer to a community with obligations to its members than a place people attend weekly to hear a sermon, and practice frequently comes before belief rather than after it.
Expecting one answer to a question of law
On most practical questions the tradition contains multiple positions, and a rabbi is telling you the ruling of their movement and often their own reasoning. Asking who disagrees, and why, is normal rather than confrontational.
Treating the rabbi as the only route in
In many communities the people who actually help you find your feet are the members: someone who invites you for a meal, sits next to you and finds the page, or explains what happens next. Ask to be introduced to them.
Rushing towards conversion as a formality
It is a substantial process, often a year or more depending on the movement and the rabbi, and rabbis are traditionally expected not to make it easy. Ask about recognition between movements before you begin, because a conversion accepted in one community may not be accepted in another.