Questions to Ask Christians
For anyone outside the faith, or newly curious about it, talking with a Christian: questions about what they actually do and believe, how they read the Bible, what they find hard, and what it has cost them.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What kind of Christian are you, and does the label matter to you?
Why ask it
Christian covers Catholic, Orthodox, Baptist, Pentecostal, Quaker and much else, and these traditions disagree substantially. Asking first stops you spending an hour discussing a version of the faith they do not hold.
Were you raised in it, or did you come to it later?
Why ask it
Converts and lifelong believers describe faith in different shapes. One has a story with a turning point and often a comparison; the other has an inheritance they may never have had reason to examine.
What does a normal week look like for you as a Christian?
Why ask it
Grounds the conversation in practice rather than doctrine, and almost nobody minds answering it. Listen for whether the faith is mostly a Sunday activity or shows up on weekdays.
What do you actually do when you pray, and what do you expect to happen?
Why ask it
Prayer is discussed constantly and described rarely. Answers vary from a fixed liturgy to a running internal commentary, and expectations range from a changed outcome to no expectation at all.
How do you read the Bible: literally, or in some other way?
Why ask it
Christians differ enormously here and often assume everyone in the room is with them. The answer predicts most of their positions on creation, hell, gender and sexuality before you ask about any of them.
How do you decide whether something is a sin?
Why ask it
Watch for the actual mechanism: a text, a church teaching, a conscience, a leader. Many people have never had to articulate it, and the attempt is usually the most interesting part of the conversation.
What does your church get right that an outsider would never see?
Why ask it
Gives them something generous to describe and often surfaces the unglamorous parts: hospital visits, funerals, meals, money quietly given. This is the part of church life that no public argument covers.
What has your church or tradition been wrong about?
Why ask it
The willingness to answer matters more than the content. Someone who can name a specific institutional failure is generally easier to talk to than someone who can only defend.
Have you ever felt God clearly, and what was that like?
Why ask it
Asks for description rather than argument, which lowers the temperature considerably. Answers range from a dramatic event to nothing ever, and the nothing-ever answer is more common than outsiders expect.
Has your belief ever wobbled, and what happened?
Why ask it
Most believers have had a period of doubt and few are asked about it kindly. Whether they came back through argument, community, or simply habit tells you what is actually holding it up.
Which part of your own faith do you find hardest?
Why ask it
Invites honesty instead of defense, and it usually produces something specific: unanswered prayer, hell, the behavior of other Christians, the silence. Almost nobody is asked this by a non-believer.
What do you make of the passages in the Bible you find troubling?
Why ask it
Ask which passages first and let them choose, rather than presenting your list. You will learn far more from how they handle a text that bothers them than from making them defend one you picked.
How do you square a good God with suffering that appears to serve no purpose?
Why ask it
The oldest question there is, so expect a considered answer rather than a surprised one. What varies is whether they offer a resolution or say plainly that they hold it unresolved.
What do you think happens to people who are not Christians?
Why ask it
Ask calmly and expect discomfort, since positions range from universalism to a firm exclusivism and are frequently held uneasily. This is the question that shows whether they are talking to you or at you.
What has believing cost you?
Why ask it
Moves past benefits, which are the usual subject. Answers include lost friendships, career choices, a relationship ended, or family conflict, and in some countries far more than that.
How do you handle it when people close to you do not believe?
Why ask it
Tells you how they are likely to relate to you over time. Listen for whether non-belief in a spouse, parent or child is something they live with or something they are working on.
What do Christians most often get wrong about people outside the faith?
Why ask it
Asking them to critique their own side rather than defend it changes the whole conversation. It also surfaces whether they have close friends who do not believe, or only projects.
Is there anything that would change your mind?
Why ask it
A fair question if you are willing to answer it about your own position. Some will say nothing could, which is worth knowing; others name something specific, which is worth taking seriously.
What do you wish people asked you instead of what they usually ask?
Why ask it
Most Christians field the same four questions repeatedly and are bored of them. This hands over the agenda and often produces the thing they most wanted to say.
Is there something you would want me to read or listen to for myself?
Why ask it
Closes without agreement or argument, and a specific recommendation tells you what they think the strongest case is. Say honestly whether you intend to look at it.
Talking About Faith Without It Becoming a Debate
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Ask
Say what kind of conversation you want
Christians are used to questions being the opening move in an argument, or an opportunity to convert someone. Stating up front that you are curious rather than persuadable, or persuadable rather than curious, saves both of you from misreading the whole exchange.
Ask about their faith, not about Christianity
"How do Christians explain the flood" invites a defense of a whole tradition. "What do you make of the flood story" gets you a person's actual thinking, including the parts they are unsure about.
Do not correct their theology
Even if you know the tradition well, pointing out that their view is not what their denomination teaches turns the conversation into an examination. Ask what they think and let the inconsistencies stand.
Answer the same questions
If you ask what would change their mind, be ready to say what would change yours. Most of these questions have a version that applies to any worldview, and reciprocating is what stops it becoming an interview.
Let silence sit after the hard ones
Questions about hell, suffering and the fate of non-believers often produce a pause because the honest answer is uncomfortable. Filling that pause with your own view wastes the most useful moment available.
Useful Things to Know Beforehand
- Denomination matters more than most outsiders realize. A Catholic, a Southern Baptist and an Episcopalian may disagree with each other more than any of them disagrees with you.
- Many Christians have never been asked to explain their beliefs to someone who is not trying to win. Expect answers to be unpolished rather than evasive.
- Doubt is normal inside the faith and is discussed openly in many churches. Treating it as a gotcha usually ends the conversation.
- Some questions carry real cost. Asking a person whether their late parent is in hell, or whether your relationship is sinful, is not a neutral inquiry.
- "The Bible says" is doing different work for different people: for some it settles the matter, for others it opens an interpretive question.
- If they ask about your beliefs, that is usually genuine interest rather than an opening. Answering briefly and returning the question keeps things even.
Common Pitfalls
Using questions as arguments in disguise
A question you already know the answer to, asked to expose a contradiction, is recognized immediately. If you want to make a point, make it plainly. It is more respectful and it gets a better response.
Treating one person as a spokesperson
Asking why Christians did something historically, or why a televangelist behaves as they do, puts a stranger on trial for a group they did not choose to represent. Ask what they think about it instead.
Asking sensitive questions in a group
Questions about sexuality, hell or money get performed answers in front of other believers. The same person will answer very differently one to one.
Assuming faith is primarily a set of propositions
For many Christians, practice, belonging and inherited identity carry as much weight as doctrine. A conversation aimed only at what they believe to be factually true will miss most of what is going on.