Questions to Ask Kids
Questions for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and teachers to ask a child of about four to twelve, written to get past 'fine' and 'nothing'. They are grouped into silly, school day, feelings, imagination and family, easiest first within each group. Each one carries a note on what the answer tends to show and what to ask next.
Rather take them one at a time?
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Silly
What is the last thing that made you laugh so hard your tummy hurt?
Why ask it
Asking for the last time, not the funniest ever, makes it answerable. The retelling is usually funnier than the event, and you learn who they were laughing with.
If you could only eat foods of one color for a whole day, which color would you choose?
Why ask it
Small children take this seriously and will audit the fridge in their heads. Orange does better than you might guess, mostly on the strength of cheese and carrots.
What would you do if you found a penguin in the bathtub?
Why ask it
A four-year-old will have a plan within seconds, and it usually involves keeping the penguin. Play along with practical questions: what does it eat, and where does it sleep?
What do you think your stuffed animals and toys get up to while you are out?
Why ask it
Children under seven often have a settled theory about this. Older ones will invent one to humor you, and the invention is just as enjoyable to hear.
What would you name a boat if you had one?
Why ask it
Kids are better at this than adults, who overthink it. You will get something like Captain Splashy, and the name will outlive the conversation by years.
What would you do with a thousand rubber ducks?
Why ask it
The number is what makes it funny, because the child has to work out where a thousand of anything would go. The bathtub fills up fast and then the real ideas begin.
If animals wore clothes, which animal would look the funniest in pants?
Why ask it
Sooner or later it becomes a debate about how many legs the pants need. Have a pencil handy, because most children will want to settle the matter with a drawing.
If you had to invent a new dance move right now, what would it be called?
Why ask it
Naming it is the easy half. The real answer is the demonstration, so ask this one in the kitchen and not in the car.
If you got to choose a new name for me, what would you call me?
Why ask it
Works for parents, grandparents and teachers alike, and the name may stick, so be warned. Ask why they chose it: there is usually a logic, and it is often flattering.
What would be the strangest thing to find inside a birthday present?
Why ask it
Half the pleasure is the gap between the wrapping and the contents. Answers range from a single sock to a live goat, and it is worth asking what they would do with it.
If you could teach a parrot to say one sentence, what would it be?
Why ask it
Shows you what a child finds funniest to hear repeated, which is frequently something you say yourself. Brace for an impression of you telling them to find their shoes.
If you were invisible at home for ten minutes, what harmless trick would you play?
Why ask it
'Harmless' sets the boundary without spoiling the fun. Moving the remote and eating a cookie in plain sight are typical, and you hear who the target would be.
If you had to eat one meal using your feet, which meal would be the easiest?
Why ask it
A logistics problem dressed up as nonsense. Kids reason it through with real care, toast against soup, and may ask to test the theory. That part is your call.
Who do you know with the funniest laugh, and can you show me what it sounds like?
Why ask it
Most children are sharp mimics and rarely get permission to show it. Keep it affectionate by asking about people they love, and offer your own best impression in return.
What song should play every time you walk into a room?
Why ask it
A theme song is a small statement of identity, and kids from about seven up give it real thought. Play the song later at an unexpected moment and you will get a grin.
What is the grossest thing you have ever eaten, or nearly eaten?
Why ask it
True stories are a step up from the pure inventions above, and every child has this one. It often involves a sibling's dare or a very old lunch box, so ask who else was there.
What is the weirdest dream you can remember having?
Why ask it
Dream retellings wander, so give it time and do not look for a plot. Skip it at bedtime with a child who gets nightmares, and ask over breakfast instead.
What is the silliest thing you believed when you were littler?
Why ask it
Best from about seven, when a child is old enough to find a younger self funny. Trade one of your own: children love hearing that adults once believed nonsense too.
School day
Who did you sit with at lunch today?
Why ask it
Factual, with an easy answer, which is why it succeeds where 'how was your day' fails. Ask it often enough and you will notice when the names change.
What game is everyone playing at recess right now?
Why ask it
Playground crazes turn over every few weeks, and a child enjoys being the one who explains the current one. Ask for the rules and prepare to be confused.
What made you laugh at school today?
Why ask it
Funny moments are the easiest part of a day to recall, so this often gets a story when nothing else does. The cast of characters tells you who their people are.
What did you make, write or draw today?
Why ask it
Asks about something concrete they produced, which is simpler to describe than something they learned. If the thing is in the backpack, ask for a tour of it.
What was the noisiest moment of your day, and what was the quietest?
Why ask it
Sensory questions slip past the 'fine' reflex because nobody has a stock answer ready. The quiet moment is often the more interesting: reading corner, or alone on the bench?
If today were a movie, which part would you fast-forward through?
Why ask it
A sideways route to the boring or uncomfortable part of the day, without the word 'bad' in it. Ask which scene they would rewind and watch again, too.
Where is your favorite spot in your whole school?
Why ask it
You may hear about a corner of the library or a particular tree you never knew existed. Knowing the geography of a child's day makes every later question easier to ask.
Did anyone get in trouble today? What happened?
Why ask it
A child who cannot recall one thing they learned will deliver this report in forensic detail. Pay attention to what they thought was fair: that is the real content.
What is something your teacher said today that stuck in your head?
Why ask it
Might be a fact, a joke or a telling-off, and each is informative. It also shows how the child hears the teacher, which a report card will never tell you.
Did you see anyone do something kind today, to you or to somebody else?
Why ask it
Including 'somebody else' means there is nearly always an answer. Asked regularly, it trains a child to look out for kindness, which is no bad habit.
What did you hear about today that you want to know more about?
Why ask it
Better than 'what did you learn', which sounds like a test. Whatever they name, volcanoes or ancient tombs, is your cue for a library trip or a video together.
What was the trickiest thing you had to do today?
Why ask it
'Trickiest' is lighter than 'hardest' and gets a more honest answer. Hold back the advice: asking how they handled it lets them hear themselves being capable.
What are the rules at recess that the grown-ups don't know about?
Why ask it
Playground law is detailed, unwritten and fiercely enforced. Asking about it tells a child you know their world has its own politics, and you learn who makes the rules.
Who in your class is really good at something, and what is it?
Why ask it
Talking about other children's strengths carries no pressure, so it is a gentle way in. It also shows you who your child watches and quietly admires.
What are you working on at school that you want to show me when it is finished?
Why ask it
Signals that you care about the project and not only the grade. Make a note of the answer and ask about it again next week, which matters more than the asking.
What would you tell a new kid about how your class really works?
Why ask it
Puts the child in the expert's chair. You get the unofficial guide: which table is loud, what the teacher cannot stand, and where you should never stand in line.
If you could change one thing about your school day, what would you change?
Why ask it
Longer recess is the opening bid. Wait for the second answer, which may be a seat, a subject or a person, and treat it as information before you treat it as a problem.
Is there anyone in your class who seems lonely or left out?
Why ask it
Asks a child to look around, not inward, which is easier. Sometimes the answer is a name and sometimes, after a pause, it is 'me'. Be ready for either.
Feelings
What is something you are looking forward to?
Why ask it
The easiest feelings question there is, since anticipation is pleasant to talk about. If nothing comes to mind, that is worth noticing, and worth planning something small.
What is the coziest place you can think of?
Why ask it
Comfort is a feeling that even a four-year-old can locate exactly. The answer, under a blanket or on a grandparent's lap, tells you where they go to feel safe.
If your feelings today were weather, what would the forecast be?
Why ask it
Weather hands small children a vocabulary they already own. 'Sunny with one thunderstorm at lunch' is a full report, and you can ask about the thunderstorm.
Where in your body do you feel it when you are excited?
Why ask it
Young children often feel an emotion in the stomach or legs before they have a word for it. Trade answers, and tell them where your own excitement lives.
What always cheers you up when you are feeling grumpy?
Why ask it
Ask on a good day and remember what you hear. You are being handed the instruction manual in the child's own words, for use the next time things fall apart.
What sound makes you feel calm or safe?
Why ask it
Rain, a dishwasher running, a parent's voice in the next room: the answers are ordinary. Several of those are things you control, which is useful on a hard night.
What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you lately?
Why ask it
Kids hold on to compliments longer than adults expect, and which one they kept tells you what they want to be seen as. Notice who it came from, too.
When was the last time you felt really proud of yourself?
Why ask it
Listen for whether the pride comes from a result or from sticking with something hard. Whichever it is, ask for the story slowly, because telling it lets them enjoy it twice.
What is the bravest thing you have ever done?
Why ask it
Adults tend to expect the diving board, and children often name something social instead, like saying sorry or walking into a new classroom. Take their definition.
When you are sad, do you want company or would you rather be alone for a while?
Why ask it
Adults usually guess at this, and often guess wrong. The answer tells you whether to sit down beside them or give them ten minutes, and it saves both of you some grief.
What is something you used to be scared of that does not scare you now?
Why ask it
Begins with a fear already beaten, so the child gets to be brave in the telling. It may open the door to a current fear, which is theirs to bring up, not yours.
Have you ever felt two feelings at once, like happy and nervous? When was that?
Why ask it
Naming a mixed feeling is a real step, and giving an example pair makes it possible for a six-year-old. First days, sleepovers and recitals are the usual settings.
What does a good friend do when you are upset?
Why ask it
Describes the comfort they want without having to ask for it directly. It is also a quiet check on whether the friends they have are doing any of it.
What is something that feels unfair to you right now?
Why ask it
Fairness is the great cause of childhood, so expect a prompt answer. You do not have to agree or fix it: repeating it back accurately is most of what is wanted.
What do you do when you feel angry, and does it help?
Why ask it
The second half is the useful part. Kids know perfectly well that slamming the door did not help, and saying so aloud is the first move toward trying something else.
Is there anything you think about at bedtime that makes it hard to fall asleep?
Why ask it
Worries surface at lights-out, so this belongs there and nowhere else. Listen all the way through before reassuring, because a quick 'don't worry' ends the conversation.
What do you wish grown-ups understood about being a kid?
Why ask it
Strongest with ages eight and up. Resist the urge to defend adults, and consider that the complaint, however general it sounds, may be addressed to you.
Is there anything you want to tell me but are not sure how to say?
Why ask it
Use it rarely, quietly, and side by side if you can. If the answer is no, say the offer stays open and move on without pressing, which is what makes it believable.
Imagination
If you could grow anything at all on a tree in the yard, what would it grow?
Why ask it
Easy enough for a four-year-old, who will say candy, and open enough for a ten-year-old, who will say money and then weigh the consequences out loud.
If our family had a spaceship, what would we call it and who would sit where?
Why ask it
Watch the seating plan more than the name. Note who gets to drive, who is put in charge of snacks and whether the baby brother is assigned to the cargo hold.
What do you think dreams are made of, and where do they go in the morning?
Why ask it
Meant for the four-to-seven crowd, who will answer with total confidence. There is no need to correct the science: the theory is the gift.
If you could understand what babies are thinking, what do you think they would be saying?
Why ask it
Especially good for a child with a new sibling, since it invites curiosity about the small loud person. Expect a baby with firm opinions about naps.
If you had a secret hideout, who would be allowed in and who would have to knock?
Why ask it
The guest list is a map of a child's inner circle. A sibling left off it is usually a passing matter, but a friend you have never heard of is worth a gentle question.
If you were a teacher at a school for dragons, what would the first lesson be?
Why ask it
Children who find their own school dull often run a dragon school with great energy. Fire safety is a popular first lesson, which suggests somebody has been listening.
If you made a friend out of snow, clay or cardboard and it came to life, what would it be like?
Why ask it
What a child builds into an imaginary friend tends to be what they value in a real one: funny, loyal, never bossy. Ask what the two of them would do first.
If you invented a brand-new color, what would it look like and what would you call it?
Why ask it
Impossible, strictly speaking, which is why it is good. Children describe it by comparison, like green but louder, and the name they pick is often excellent.
If you could put up a statue of anyone or anything in the middle of town, what would it be?
Why ask it
A child's idea of who deserves a statue is worth hearing: a grandparent, the dog, the crossing guard. Ask what the plaque underneath would say.
What do you think is at the very bottom of the ocean that nobody has found yet?
Why ask it
Splits children into the treasure camp and the monster camp, with a few careful naturalists in between. Any of the three makes a good bedtime story to build together.
If you could fly to the moon with one person, who would you take and what would you pack?
Why ask it
Who they take is the headline, and do not be hurt if it is not you. The packing list shows how they think: snacks, a stuffed animal or a properly worked-out plan.
If you woke up and everyone else in the world was asleep for an hour, what would you do?
Why ask it
Tests what a child would do with total freedom and no audience. Most plans are modest, a forbidden snack or the big TV, which is a kind of reassurance.
If you wrote a book, what would it be about and who would be the hero?
Why ask it
The hero is often the child in light disguise, with a better name and a horse. Offer to write down the first page while they dictate, and you may get a second.
If you could visit a time long ago or far in the future for one afternoon, which would you pick?
Why ask it
Shows whether a child is drawn to knights and dinosaurs or to flying cars. Older kids will start on the risks of changing history, which is a good conversation.
What would you put in a museum about you?
Why ask it
Underneath, you are asking what matters most to them. The exhibits tend to be a worn-out toy, a drawing and one object you had no idea was important.
What job do you think you would be really good at, and why?
Why ask it
Different from asking what they want to be. It asks what they believe they are good at, and the 'why' shows how a child sees their own strengths.
What do you think the world will have when you are grown up that it does not have now?
Why ask it
Optimists describe flying buses and pessimists describe robots that assign homework. Either way you get a glimpse of whether the future looks friendly to them.
If you could keep one day of your life in a jar and live it again whenever you liked, which day would it be?
Why ask it
The chosen day is rarely the expensive one. It is more often an ordinary afternoon when everyone was in a good mood, which is useful news for whoever plans the weekends.
Family
What is your favorite meal that someone in our family makes?
Why ask it
Flatters whoever does the cooking, which makes it a soft way to begin. Follow it with an offer to teach them the dish, and you have booked an afternoon together.
What story about when you were a baby do you like hearing the most?
Why ask it
Being the hero of a story they cannot remember is a particular pleasure for a child. If they have no answer, that is your cue to tell one, with as much detail as you can recall.
What is the very first thing you can remember from when you were little?
Why ask it
Early memories are odd fragments: a carpet pattern, a dog, being lifted up. Do not correct the details, even if you were there and remember it differently.
Which family photo do you like best, and what is happening in it?
Why ask it
Goes best with the album or a phone in hand. Children pick pictures for reasons adults miss, like the dog in the background or a shirt they once loved.
What job around the house do you secretly not mind doing?
Why ask it
'Secretly' lets them admit it without losing face. There is nearly always one, often involving water or a spray bottle, and it is a sensible place to build from.
What do you think I do all day while you are at school?
Why ask it
Prepare to be humbled. Many children picture a parent's work as typing or 'emails', and explaining what you really do is a conversation they tend to remember.
What do you think I was like when I was your age?
Why ask it
Wonderful from a grandparent, since the child is imagining a very distant world. Correct the picture with one true story, ideally one in which you got into trouble.
If a friend came to stay with us for a week, what would you warn them about?
Why ask it
Produces an outsider's guide to your household: the loud brother, the early bedtime, the dog that steals socks. It is mostly affectionate, and what is not is worth hearing.
What is the best and the worst part of being the oldest, youngest, middle or only kid?
Why ask it
Every position in a family comes with a grievance and a perk, and children know theirs precisely. Hearing the worst part without arguing takes some of the heat out of it.
If you planned a whole day for our family, what would we do from morning to night?
Why ask it
Look at the shape of the day as much as the contents. Pancakes, a park and a movie on the couch is a request for unhurried time, not for a bigger budget.
What is something you would like to teach me how to do?
Why ask it
Reverses the usual direction of instruction, which children find thrilling. Say yes and be a genuinely bad student for a while: it is good for both of you.
Who in our family are you most like, and in what way?
Why ask it
Children build part of their identity from these comparisons, so listen to which traits they claim. An aunt or uncle asking this may find out they are the answer.
What is a family rule you think is fair, and one you would change if you could?
Why ask it
Starting with the fair rule shows you are not only inviting complaints. You do not have to change anything, but a rule explained is easier to live with than a rule announced.
What would you like to learn from a grandparent or another older person in the family?
Why ask it
Fishing, a recipe, a language, how to whistle. If you are the older relative asking, you may be handed a standing appointment, which is the best possible result.
What is something our family does every year that you want to keep doing when you are grown up?
Why ask it
Tells you which traditions are landing and which you keep up only out of habit. The winner is usually small, like a certain breakfast on a certain morning.
When do you feel most loved?
Why ask it
Children almost never name presents. They name small repeated things, being tucked in or being waited for at the gate, and then you know what to keep doing.
How to get more than 'fine'
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Picking the moment
Skip the pickup interrogation
The minutes right after school are the worst time to ask anything. A child who has held it together all day needs a snack and some quiet before they can report on it. Save your question for later and open with something that needs no reply, like 'good to see you'.
Ask side by side
Children talk more easily when nobody is looking straight at them. The car, a walk, the washing up and a shared drawing all work better than a face-to-face chat across a table, especially for the feelings questions.
Use the bedtime window
Many children who had nothing to say at dinner become talkative the moment the light goes out. Some of it is stalling, and it is still the best opening of the day. Keep one question for then and allow ten extra minutes for it.
One question, not a list
Pick a single question and follow it wherever it goes, even if a question about school turns into a long account of a video game. Reading out several in a row turns a chat into an interview, and children can tell when they are being processed.
Come back to it days later
Mention an answer again later in the week: ask how the recess game is going or whether the project got finished. Being remembered is what persuades a child that the questions are real.
What to do with the answer
Take your own turn
Answer the question yourself, honestly and briefly. A child who hears that you also had a boring meeting and a funny lunch learns that this is a swap between two people and not a checkup.
Do not fix, correct or teach
The quickest way to end a conversation is to turn the answer into a lesson. When a child tells you about a problem, try 'that sounds hard' or 'what did you do then?' before offering any advice, and often instead of it.
Let the silence work
Count slowly to five in your head before you rephrase or rescue. Children, and small ones especially, need longer than adults to find the words, and the pause usually ends with a better answer than a prompted one.
When you get 'I don't know'
- 1Treat it as 'not right now' and not as a refusal.
- 2Make the question smaller: swap 'how was your day' for 'who did you sit with'.
- 3Offer your own answer and leave a gap after it.
- 4If nothing comes, drop it cheerfully and try a different question at a different time of day.
When an answer worries you
Now and then a question turns up something serious, such as a child being picked on or frightened. Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and ask a little more without pouncing. Decide what to do about it afterwards, not in the middle of the conversation, so that telling you stays safe.
Fitting the child and the asker
Ages four to six
Keep it concrete and close to today. Little children answer best about things they can picture, so offer choices, use the silly and imagination questions freely, and expect the reply to arrive as a story with no clear ending.
Ages seven to nine
This is the age of rules, fairness and best friends, so the school day and family questions do well. Children here enjoy being the expert, and any question that asks them to explain how their world works will get a long answer.
Ages ten to twelve
Older children guard their privacy and can smell an agenda. Ask for opinions more than reports, accept 'I don't want to talk about it' the first time, and keep the feelings questions for moments when they have started the conversation themselves.
If you only see them now and then
Grandparents, aunts and uncles have an advantage: you are not the person who enforces bedtime. Begin with silly or imagination questions to get reacquainted, then ask one family question about the old days, which is a subject you own.
If you are their teacher
Use these one to one, at arrival, on lunch duty or while walking a line down the hall. Keep the feelings and family questions for private moments, never in front of the class, and remember that home is a hard subject for some children.