Questions to Ask When Preplanning a Funeral
Questions for a preplanning appointment, whether you are arranging your own funeral in advance or sitting with a parent who is arranging theirs. They cover the difference between recording wishes and paying ahead, where prepaid money is held, what is guaranteed and what is not, what happens if you move or the firm closes, and what your family would still have to decide and pay.
20 questions, each with the reason to ask it · includes a conversation guide
The questions
Open any question to see why it works.
- 1
What are we deciding today, and what can be left open?
Preplanning appointments cover two different things: writing down wishes, and buying goods and services in advance. Separating them at the start lets you record what you want without being asked to pay for it in the same meeting.
- 2
Can I take a copy of your price list home with me?
You are entitled to see itemized prices, and taking the list away lets you read it without anyone waiting. It also lets you compare two or three firms on identical items, which is difficult to do from memory.
- 3
What is the difference here between recording my wishes and prepaying?
A wishes file costs nothing and can be changed at any time. A prepaid contract is a financial product with terms about cancellation, transfer and what happens to any growth in the money. The two are often presented together, so ask which one each document is.
- 4
If I prepay, where does the money go?
Prepaid funds are usually held in a trust or used to buy an insurance policy, and occasionally held by the firm itself. Ask for the name of the trust or the insurer, since that is the institution you would be relying on, not the funeral home.
- 5
Which items in this plan are price guaranteed, and which are not?
Guarantees typically cover the funeral home's own services and merchandise, and typically do not cover cash advance items bought from third parties. Ask for the split in writing, because the portion that is not guaranteed is what your family will be asked for later.
- 6
What is in your basic services fee, and is it charged whatever else I choose?
This is a non-declinable charge at most firms, covering things like arrangement conferences, staff availability, and paperwork. Knowing what it includes is how you tell whether a quoted total is complete or a starting point.
- 7
Which of these items are required by law here, and which are your own policy?
Requirements vary by state and by what is planned, and some things presented as necessary are firm policy or cemetery policy rather than law. Ask which authority requires each item, and you can check it independently later.
- 8
What is the simplest option you offer, and what does it include?
Ask this even if you intend to choose something else, because it gives you the floor of the price range and shows how the firm reacts to a low-cost request. It is also the option a family may want later if circumstances have changed.
- 9
What costs are not in this total?
Cemetery or crematory charges, a grave opening, a marker, clergy, an obituary notice, flowers, and certified copies of the death certificate are commonly outside the funeral home's own contract. Ask for a written estimate of those as well, so the family knows the real figure.
- 10
Is this plan revocable or irrevocable?
An irrevocable plan cannot be cancelled or refunded, and that distinction affects eligibility for some means-tested benefits. It is a question to take to a lawyer or a benefits adviser before signing, rather than to settle at the table.
- 11
Can I cancel, and how much would come back?
Refund terms differ widely: some return the full amount, some retain a percentage, some return nothing. Ask for the clause that says so and read it, since this is the term that determines whether the plan is a commitment or a decision you can revisit.
- 12
What happens to this plan if I move to another state?
Portability depends on the funding arrangement and sometimes on state law. Insurance-funded plans are often transferable in some form, while a contract with a single local firm may not be. Ask what specifically transfers: the money, the prices, or neither.
- 13
What happens if this funeral home closes, is sold, or changes hands?
Ownership of funeral homes changes more often than families expect, and the name on the building can stay the same. Ask whether your contract follows the trust or the business, and who would honor it if the firm no longer existed.
- 14
If cremation is chosen, what happens between the death and the cremation?
Ask about where the body is held, how long the wait usually is, what authorizations are needed and who signs them, and how the remains are returned. Families are often surprised by the timeline, and it is easier to hear now than then.
- 15
Is a burial plot already owned, and is that a separate purchase from a separate company?
Cemeteries are usually separate businesses with their own contracts, rules and fees for opening and closing a grave. If a plot already exists, find the deed now, because a plot nobody can prove ownership of causes real delay.
- 16
Who will you take instructions from after I die?
Legal authority over funeral arrangements is set by state law and usually follows a defined order of relatives, which may not be the person you would choose. Ask how to name someone specifically, and make sure that person knows and has the paperwork.
- 17
Where should this paperwork be kept, and who else needs a copy?
Documents kept only in a safe deposit box or only in a will are often not reached in the days when they are needed, because a will is typically read after the funeral. Ask what the firm holds on file and give a copy to whoever will be making the calls.
- 18
What will my family still have to decide and pay for on the day?
Even a fully prepaid plan leaves choices: the notice, flowers, the number of certified death certificates, catering, and any third party fee that has risen. Getting that list now is what spares them from making decisions while distressed.
- 19
What can my family change later, and what is locked in?
People sometimes assume a preplan is binding on the family, and sometimes assume it can be freely rewritten. Ask which parts are fixed by the contract, so nobody discovers the answer at the worst moment.
- 20
Can I take the full contract away and read it before I sign anything?
There is no reason a preplan has to be signed at the first meeting. Taking the whole document away, and letting a family member or an adviser read it, is normal. How the firm responds to that request tells you a good deal about them.
Preplanning, step by step
Practical guidance for the conversation itself.
Before the appointment
Before the appointment
- Take someone with you. Two people hear more, and one of them can take notes while the other talks.
- Bring any documents that already exist: a cemetery deed, an existing prepaid contract, an insurance policy meant for funeral costs, or written wishes.
- Decide beforehand whether this meeting is for recording wishes only, or for buying. Saying that at the start changes the shape of the conversation.
- Write down what matters most: burial or cremation, a service or none, who should be told, any religious or military requirements.
- Call two or three firms and ask for prices over the phone or by email before choosing where to sit down.
What to leave with
What to leave with
- An itemized price list, and a written estimate of the plan discussed, including third party costs.
- The name of the trust or insurance company that would hold any money, and the account or policy number if a plan is opened.
- The cancellation, refund and transfer clauses, in writing, not summarized verbally.
- A copy of the full contract, unsigned, if you have not decided.
- A note of who at the firm you spoke to and the date, kept with the rest of the paperwork.
Questions for someone other than the funeral home
Questions for someone other than the funeral home
- Whether an irrevocable plan is appropriate in your circumstances is a question for a lawyer or a benefits adviser, since it affects assets and eligibility for some programs.
- State rules on how prepaid funeral money must be held, and what protection exists if a firm fails, come from the state regulator or attorney general's office.
- Whether an existing life insurance policy or an employer benefit already covers some of this is a question for the insurer or the employer.
- Who has legal authority to direct arrangements, and how to name someone else, is set by state law and can be confirmed with a lawyer.
- Veterans' burial entitlements, where relevant, come from the responsible government agency rather than from a funeral home.
Afterwards
Afterwards
- Tell the people who would be making the calls that a plan exists, and where the paperwork is. A plan nobody can find does not help anyone.
- Keep the paperwork somewhere reachable immediately, and give a copy to at least one other person.
- Review it every few years, particularly after a move, a change in family circumstances, or a change of ownership at the firm.
- Write down the things a funeral home does not ask about: who should be contacted, what should happen to a pet, and anything you would want said or not said.