Questions to ask older relatives

The stories go when the people do. These sets are for recording a grandparent's life, for talking with aging parents about what they want, and for the conversations families tend to put off until it is too late to have them.

30 sets · 674 questions · each with a note on whyDeal me one at random

A few to start with

What do you want me to know about you that I would never think to ask?
The best closing question because it hands over control after an hour of you directing things. Leave a long pause: this one often takes a while, and the answer is frequently the reason to have recorded the conversation.
From: Best Questions to Ask Your Grandparents
What do people get wrong about being your age?
You will hear about being talked over, being spoken to loudly and slowly, and being assumed to be helpless or unbothered by things. It is uncomfortable to hear and the most useful answer you will get all afternoon.
From: Questions to Ask Old People
Have you changed your mind about anything important?
Most of us assume older people hold fixed views, and this question quietly tests that assumption. Whatever they name, religion, politics, how they raised their children, listen without arguing your own position back at them.
From: Questions to Ask Old People
What did your mother do all day?
This is where family history actually lives, and it is the generation about to be lost. Ask about work, laundry, money, church, other people's children. Answers often surprise the person giving them.
From: Questions to Ask Your Grandma
What traditions were you raised on that we have dropped?
This lets them describe a loss without accusing anyone, which is why it gets an honest answer. Some of what they name you may want to restart, and knowing that is worth the asking.
From: Deep Questions to Ask Your Grandparents
What do you enjoy now that you did not when you were young?
Cuts against the assumption that old age is only loss, and most people have a real answer: quiet, gardening, being unhurried, other people's children. It also tells you how to spend time with them.
From: Deep Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

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