Questions to ask older relatives

Have you changed your mind about anything important?

Most of us assume older people hold fixed views, and this question quietly tests that assumption. Whatever they name, religion, politics, how they raised their children, listen without arguing your own position back at them.

From: Questions to Ask Old People

What did your parents say was ruining your generation?

Whatever it was, rock and roll, comic books, long hair, keep hold of the answer. It comes in handy a few questions later, when they start on what phones are doing to yours.

From: Funny Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

What piece of history did you see with your own eyes?

Not the event she read about in the paper, but the one she stood in: a ration line, a flood, a parade, soldiers leaving from the station. Local events often make better stories than famous ones. Get her age at the time, so the family can date it later.

From: Questions to Ask Your Grandma

Which age was I hardest to look after, and what made it so hard?

One parent will say the sleepless first year and another the year you turned fourteen. Take it as a description of a stage and not a complaint about you, then ask what got them through it.

From: Questions to Ask Your Parents About Their Childhood

Is there anything you regret, or would do differently now?

Keep this for a quiet moment with nobody else listening. Some people have an answer ready, a school place turned down or a quarrel left too long, and others say they regret nothing, which is an answer and not a dodge. Listen without rushing to tell them it was not their fault.

From: Best Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

What do you enjoy now that you did not when you were young?

Cuts against the assumption that old age is only loss, and most people have a real answer: quiet, gardening, being unhurried, other people's children. It also tells you how to spend time with them.

From: Deep Questions to Ask Your Grandparents